As a 'warmup exercise', it can be helpful to seek someone you trust to listen to you articulate your values, boundaries and preferences.

• In trying to explain to someone, or in hearing their questions and responses to what you are articulating, you will likely find further nuances in how you approach your values, boundaries, and preferences.

• This can be done once a year, the same way people are encouraged to have a yearly health checkup, or at/after significant points in your life.

• Prior to going to an audition / interview (or ‘coffee’)

  • • ⌛ Give yourself some time to reflect about your boundaries and preferences, based on the stated parameters in the audition call and what you know about the organisers and/or the institution/company

      • • For instance, if the audition notice stated that the role involves ‘partial nudity’, consider how much ‘partial nudity’ you would be comfortable with - not just onstage, but also for the audition itself, if such a request was made

❣️ If you haven’t worked with the organisers or the institution/company before, it could be worth asking people they’ve worked with before about their experience working with the organisers or the institution/company!

• When invited to join a project

  • • 🧐 How much does the project / the process / the working styles of the team seem aligned with your own values and preferences? If they feel deeply mismatched, even if the fees or the opportunity as a whole seem very attractive, it might not be worth the potential stress if anything goes wrong in the project, especially if the engagement is quite long-term (whatever that means to you)

    • ❗ If the project seems like it might be challenging but in a good / exciting way though, what can be helpful is to take some time to reflect on your current and projected capacity over the course of the project, and also whether your current support system might be sufficient - if it might not be, is there someone you can reach out to or something that you can adjust for the duration of the project?

    • 💬 In negotiating your involvement with the project, depending on your level of comfort, you can consider explicitly asking for some time to talk through these points as part of the conversation/negotiation before you say yes, OR just casually checking on whether the organisers/institution has specific protocols in relation to e.g. reporting mechanisms, time-outs, other specific access or boundary needs you have etc.

      • • This is important because if harm or hurt is caused, having had prior conversation about what to do/what can be done in such situations can help make the situation easier for everyone involved to grapple with

❣️ It can also be helpful to ensure that the conversation around this is put down on paper somewhere, be it over text or a more formal document, to check that everyone is really on the same page, and also to make it easier to reference as needed

• Over the course of the project + at the end of the project!

  • • ✍🏽 Consciously setting aside reflection time!

      • • It can be a good discipline to take 10-15mins to think through and/or write down reflections about the dynamics of the project and changes (if any) about your boundaries/preferences at a) significant milestones within the project e.g. after the first draft of the script/choreography etc., at the end of the project, and/or b) if your life circumstances have changed

        • ☕ If you’re someone who processes better by talking though, an alternative could be thinking ahead to set up a conversation with someone you trust at the midpoint and endpoint of the project

• When approaching people for a project

  • • 📃 Explicitly articulate in a shared document what the project (and you) can or cannot accommodate, and the reasoning where possible e.g. you will be able to respect boundaries around timeouts, but rehearsals can only take place on Sundays due to X person’s availability; the project can provide hybrid formats as needed

❣️ Having things down in writing is helpful for people who may need more time to process their thoughts, and also for easy referencing (because most people have terrible memories!)

• 💬 Take the initiative to articulate, as appropriate, how the project takes into account your own boundaries and support needs, as a way of modelling and inviting people to express their own boundaries and preferences; but also

• ❓ Explicitly ask people about their boundaries and preferences!

  • • If people are familiar with this, this invitation can be done more generically e.g. ‘please share any boundaries or access and support needs you may have’

    • However, for people who are less familiar with these concepts / when in doubt about people’s familiarity with these concepts, do consider giving short explanations for e.g. what kinds of boundaries people might want to highlight for the project, or perhaps even direct them to this resource!

• 📃 It can be helpful to collect people’s boundaries in a single document, so everyone can be mindful of other people’s needs and concerns, but this should also be open for discussion as some people might have privacy and confidentiality concerns

❣️ A word doc may be the easiest, but it can also be fun to play with Jamboard or other platforms you’re already using for your project! Part of having fun with the format of this document is about making it feel more casual, so people are comfortable updating their boundaries in it or updating the group directly!

• Over the course of the project + at the end of the project!

  • • ✋ Plan ahead to set aside reflection time for the entire team at significant milestones of the project e.g. after the first draft of the script/choreography etc., at the end of the project, so that there is ‘protected’ time for people to share thoughts and concerns about how the project is supporting their needs and boundaries

      • • If concerns can be addressed when they are still perceived as ‘not a big deal’, this can help to minimise issues from escalating and becoming a bigger problem in future within the project! These can also be really helpful learning points for everyone in the project to hear about, so as to perhaps pre-emptively address them in future projects!

❣️ Explicitly inviting people to share their discomfort, and also explicitly thanking people for sharing will do a lot in putting people at ease to share what they really think about the project and the process to date.

This being said, having an attitude of embracing opinions and thoughts that are different from yours (or at least trying as much as possible to do so!) is something that needs to be observed and modelled throughout the project for people to really take these check-ins seriously.

❣️ These check-ins are also best done over food and drinks, and in more casual / informal settings!

In shorter and/or more straightforward projects, whatever this means to you, this could look like setting aside 15-20mins during sessions; in longer and/or more complex projects with more core team members, this might look like setting aside a full 1-2hours / dedicating one session to just do this check-in!

❣️ To take into account different people’s processing speeds and also preferred modes of processing, do also consider providing various options for people e.g. responding in-person / on the spot options, but also over mediums like text or email / over a predefined window of time.

• 🤔 In entering into a new project, if you feel like the organisers/institution is dismissive or resistant to talking about boundaries and preferences, this might be a good point for you to ask yourself a) if the role is truly worth taking up, even if there is the chance of a potential fallout; and b) if you have sufficient capacity and resources around you (people, financial etc.) that you would be able to rely on for support in the event of a fallout with the organisers/institution

  • • If it’s a yes and you decide to take up the role, something you can do for yourself is to approach 1-2 trusted individuals to tell them that you are taking up this project, and to ask if they might be open to be ‘on standby’ to support you as needed, either as a listening ear, or to step in as an advocate for you in the process.

    • Even if everything in the project goes smoothly, it can still be helpful to have people with whom you can chat and process how the project is going! And if anything goes wrong, you have less to explain and contextualise to these individuals when trying to address the issue!

• 🌼 On the flipside, if you are inviting people to enter a project and they seem dismissive or resistant to talking about boundaries and preferences, we encourage you to be patient! Care is unfortunately still a new idea in Singapore’s context, but you can consider directing them to this resource or reaching out to CITRUS practices at care.intimacy@gmail.com for facilitation support (:

  • • If it’s a very strong reaction though, that’s also a helpful sign that maybe this person wouldn’t be a good fit for you and the project - which is also always good to know before committing to work together!