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result in a lack of shelters and victim advocacy programs to provide transitional support; i. Lack of real alternatives for employment and financial assistance, especially for victims with children; j. Lack of affordable legal assistance necessary to obtain a divorce, custody order, restraining order, or protection order; k. Lack of affordable housing that would provide safety for the victim and children; l. Being told by others that the abuse is happening because the victim is gay, lesbian, or bisexual and that the abuse would stop if they would “change;” and m. Being told by the perpetrator, counselors, the courts, police, ministers, family members, or friends that the violence is the victim’s fault, and that the victim could stop the abuse simply by complying with the perpetrator’s demands. In these cases, the victims learn that the systems with the power to intervene will not believe them or act to protect them. Thus, the victims are forced to comply with the perpetrators in hopes of stopping the abuse. 5. VICTIM SURVIVAL STRATEGIES Victims of domestic violence use many strategies to survive that become inappropriately labeled as “crazy,” codependent, or inappropriate behavior on the part of the victim (e.g., being too fearful to ask partner to use safe sex precautions, being afraid to use legal remedies or seek battered women’s advocacy services, or wanting to return to the perpetrator in spite of severe violence). These victim responses may in fact be normal reactions or strategic decisions for coping with very frightening and dangerous situations (Dutton, M.A., 1992). When the victim discovers that a system with the power to intervene will not act to safeguard and support her, she may conclude that reconciliation is the safer course. The victim can rarely stop the perpetrator’s abuse. All that she can do is to keep herself and her children as safe as possible, and even this requires the support of someone else. Some victims will begin to UNDERSTANDING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 33 terminate the relationship by seeking assistance from the court system or social service agencies, only to see that those systems are not effective in stopping the violence. For example, a protective order may not deter a perpetrator in communities where the police refuse to enforce the order. Where outside protection fails, the victim is forced to rely on strategies that have worked in the past. Victims use many different strategies to cope with and resist the abuse. Such strategies include agreeing with the perpetrator’s denial and minimization of the violence in public, accepting the perpetrator’s promises that it will never happen again, saying that she “still loves him,” being unwilling to leave the perpetrator or terminate the relationship, and doing what he asks. These strategies may appear to be the result of passiveness or submission on the part of the victim, when in reality she has learned that these are sometimes successful approaches for temporarily avoiding or stopping the violence. Many victims who appear reluctant to carry out actions that the health care provider believes would protect them and their children from further violence actually have the same goal as the health care provider: namely, an end to the violence. They simply have different strategies. Some victims have told other health care providers about the abuse, even if they did not use the terms “abuse” or “domestic violence.” In the past their descriptions of the abuse may have been ignored, not believed, or met with inappropriate responses. It can be very humiliating to the victim to talk about these issues with someone who is not sensitive. Because of prior attempts to seek assistance from the health care system or other social service agencies, the victim may now be reluctant to assume that her safety and confidentiality will be respected by the current health care provider. In such cases, unless the health care provider initiates the topic, the victim may not even raise the issue with the health care provider. Other victims will readily name the abuse, but minimize it as a way to cope with what is happening until they can determine whether there really are the community supports they need for protection. In such cases, victims sometimes reengage in the prior survival strategies of complying with the perpetrators while they assess the
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