HP Laptop

so i own an hp 14t-bs000 laptop. it was kindly gifted to me by my parents. however, this laptop is, to put it lightly, fucking atrocious. in recent times, i have begun using it with a more positive outlook, partially due to me having better alternative laptops to use. the laptop is currently not functional because my dad accidentally knocked off a capacitor while trying to remove a stripped screw from the "heatsink", and i havent the soldering skills to fix it.

various things about the laptop

from Tumblr:

hp made the antichrist (rant)

i havent complained about this on here yet, so

HP 14t-bs000 laptop

in the same market as the HP Stream laptop, this laptop (which doesnt have a product name for some reason)... fucking sucks. so much.

i used this piece of shit (which im currently typing this on) nearly every day for at least a year, so im comfortable with saying this is the worst computer ive ever used.

for all you tech people out there, here are the specs:

HP 14t-bs000 1DN87AV laptop

Intel Celeron N3060 @1.60 GHz, 2 cores, 2 threads

4GB DDR3L-1600 PC3L-12800S Non-ECC RAM

32GB eMMC storage

Intel HD 400 Graphics 1GB RAM 1366x768 60Hz display

Windows 10 Home

for those of you in the know, you might already see the problem(s)

using this laptop every day was hell

imagine being in 2020

and doing school online

alas, this computer is all you have

what do you do? suffer

this laptop is slow. extremely slow.

i can hear the intel celeron (intel celery) in this laptop begging for mercy every time i power it on

this processor is worse than one from 17 years ago (10 years in 2017)

im not kidding

this (2017) celeron n3060 performs worse than the (2007) core 2 duo i found in a $6 pc i got at the thrift store

and it sure as hell feels that way

you better have patience and a lot of it

half the time i cant tell if its actually doing anything

this celery stick of a cpu makes browsing the internet a pain

which is a problem because that's what this computer was made to do

[on a slightly unrelated note, the keyboard randomly stopped working while i was typing that]

much like the cpu, the ram also sucks. 4gb is barely enough to run windows 10. it functions, and i appreciate that hp lets you upgrade it up to like 8gb, but its still not good.

the screen.

no.

ok so, congratulations hp, you somehow invented the worst screen ever. good job.

it has god awful viewing angles, and i use "viewing" in jest because you cant see this screen

for some reason, hp decided it would be a good idea to have a glossy screen, making this more of a tinted mirror

supposedly, this makes for better colors, but that doesnt matter WHEN I CANT SEE THE GOD DAMN SCREEN

hp also supposedly made a matte finish screen for this line of laptops, but i cant find a single one

so yeah, screen sucks, but it is a very light annoyance compared to the storage

32 GB of storage. Need I say more?

32 GB is nothing. I shit you not, the damn operating system takes up more than 2/3 of the storage. That is unacceptable.

How the fuck do you expect the average person to deal with this? You install one program and Windows is already complaining. The average person sees the low storage notification and runs into the wilderness with their doomsday supplies.

If you want this computer to be usable in any way, you need an SD card or an SSD (we'll get back to that in a minute).

I'm sorry, is it too much to ask HP Inc (ranked #63 on the Fortune 500 list) for a laptop that's usable out of the box? It's fucked up that you can sell laptops with that little storage in the modern day. 32GB is already awful, but to only have roughly 10 GB actually usable? You can install a couple apps and download a few files before you're completely out of space. At a certain point, you can't update Windows or even browse the internet until you clear up some storage. Was 64GB too much to ask for? Even that isn't a lot, but it's usable! You can install things without immediately running out of space, a concept HP clearly hasn't heard of.

"Yeah, the laptop sucks, but who gives a shit? It's a bottom-of-the-barrel laptop, what did you expect?" I EXPECT IT TO BE FUCKING USABLE. The average person doesn't know much about computers. They see a low price and immediately bite, not knowing they just opened a pit into hell. They start using it, notice it's extremely slow, learn they can't download shit, give up, and leave it in a closet for 20 years.

I understand that this laptop, $150 to $250 when new, was not expected to be good. I know. I'm just asking for usability. The fact that HP thought it was acceptable to sell this thing is further proof that HP fucking sucks. The very existence of this laptop defies God. This laptop's manufacture infamously lead to the Third Crusade. This laptop is the Antichrist.

ok ok ok

yes

im being overly dramatic

i know

but

i cannot stress enough how horrible this laptop is to use

there are school laptops better than this

in fact

I have used at least 2 different school laptops that are better to use than this

Dell Latitude 3190

Intel Pentium Silver N5030 @1.10GHz, 4 cores, 4 threads

8GB DDR4-2400 RAM

128GB eMMC

Intel UHD Graphics 605

Windows 10 Education

Comparing this laptop to the HP laptop is like comparing a desk to a rusty pile of nails

This Dell laptop is so god damn usable

it has storage!

it has ram!

it has a processor!

if you removed all of the school web filters and whatnot, you'd get a low end (but more than usable!) laptop

and they just gave these out!

like i said, this hp laptop is worse than a school laptop

another school laptop

Dell Chromebook 3110

Intel Celeron N4500 @1.10GHz, 2 cores, 2 threads

4GB LPDDR4-2933 RAM

32GB eMMC

ChromeOS

while yes, these are basically the specs of the HP laptop, it doesn't feel that way

when they stole the other dell laptop from us and gave us this thing as a consolation prize, I was pissed

however, it feels fine, mostly because it's a chromebook

chromeos takes up less resources, less space, doesn't need anything fancy

plus, i think intel recently improved their celeron processors so that they aren't outperformed by decades-old processors (i dont have a source for this)

in any case, it still feels usable

This is not good for HP. In popular culture, school laptops are stereotypically fucking atrocious. Yet, somehow, HP managed to make something worse.

there are computers from 10+ years ago for half the price on ebay that are leagues ahead of this sinful pile of plastic

im sure you can find much better deals than this online

please

if you need a laptop

and dont care about its specs

please dear god dont buy this laptop or similar ones still sold

find something on ebay

save up a bit more for something better

whatever it takes to not get this laptop

this laptop

has caused me so much fucking frustration

so much anxiety

i wouldnt wish this laptop on any of my enemies

redeeming qualities:

it technically functions

and its easy to work on

which is a good thing

because if you actually plan on using this rattly lump of lead and depression, you definitely want to upgrade some things

this laptop comes from a line of better laptops, so luckily theres a lot of easy upgradability

for one, all of the screws are easily accessible and the bottom of the laptop comes off relatively easily, plus it has an easily removable battery

for two, half of the laptop comes highlighted in blank

see those shiny metal plates on the left side? thats called opportunity

for that is not useless space, it is expansion

on the left is mini-SATA, and the right is regular SATA

to the average jim, this doesnt mean anything

but if you're in the know, you'll know that you can use these for SSDs, HDDs, and optical drives

yes, some of these laptops came with actual storage

better yet, you can use these!

so i bought the cheapest 256gb ssd that micro center sold, and instantly octupled (8x) the storage capacity

(depending on how you count it, i may have nontupled [9x] the storage)

and all of a sudden, the laptop is usable!!!

still slow as shit, mind you, but i can store files! i can install programs without fear! using the analogy from earlier, its like turning the rusty pile of nails into a small table

I have also upgraded the ram to 8GB

it didnt make it much better, but its the thought that counts

with this newfound power, im tempted to get the optical drive, an internal fan (because it currently doesnt have one and can get hot, and even a new motherboard with a better processor

ok so

In conclusion, this laptop fucking sucks and the fact that HP sold any of them is a testament to God's weakness. However, it can be improved. But it still fucking sucks, fuck you HP.

#hp #hewlett packard #rant #complaining #ranting #laptops #bad laptops #long rant #i joke a lot but this laptop does suck so much and i hated every second i had to use it with no better alternative.

Script for a video on the HP Laptop(s)

(NOTE: This video is on hold indefinitely, so it may or may not release at some point. The following contains lots of notes and references that you may not understand. This doesn't mean you're stupid, it means I'm stupid.) (This is version two of the script. It's taken me so long to get to this video that the condition of the laptops has changed dramatically several times while writing the script. The video concept has been around for at least two years.)

[black screen]

“Picture this:”

[image of a calendar followed by an image of Thrift Store PC’s issue]

“It’s the late 2010s and your computer broke.”

[image of computer with question marks]

“You need a new computer but, alas, you don’t know anything about computers.”

[image]

“Unfortunately, your nephew is out of town, so you’re on your one for this.”

[hp laptop]

“What do you buy?”

[different shot of hp laptop followed by throwing the laptop in the garbage]

“Neat! I didn’t know Walmart sold garbage!”

[hp laptop and image of blue laptop]

“Here I have two HP stream laptops,”

[zoom in on each one]

“one is ass blue, while the other is a laptop.”

[zoom in on blue and then on “stream”]

“The blue one was bought refurbished and says ‘Stream’ on it.”

[zoom in on black and then where the other says “stream”]

“The black one was bought new and doesn’t say ‘Stream’ on it.”

[black laptop b-roll]

“I’m not actually sure if it’s an HP Stream laptop, but it doesn’t make it any better.”

[zoom in on image then cut to box labeled “Blue HP Stream - Some Assembly Required”]

“You may notice that one looks a bit strange, but we’ll get to that in a bit.”

[black laptop]

“We’ll focus on this one for now.”

[laptop b-roll]

“This is a 2017 HP 14t-bs000.”

[laptop then purple and black missing texture in the shape of a laptop]

“It has features. If it didn’t, it wouldn’t exist.”

[sysinfo + violent shaking of the laptop]

“It has an Intel Celeron N3060 processor, 4GB of RAM, 32GB of storage, cheap rattly plastic, and no reason to exist.”

[show the left side]

“On the left side, you have the charging port, a vent, a VGA port, an ethernet port, an HDMI port, two USB 3.0 ports, and a headphone jack.

[show right side and have the Jay Foreman “BLANK”]

“On the right side, you have an SD card slot, a USB 2.0 port, a big expanse of *BLANK*, and a Kensington security slot.”

[turning on laptop, hp logo, throw in garbage]

“Turning the laptop on, you see the HP Logo.”

[logging in]

“After two minutes of startup and logging in, we can use the laptop!”

[bluescreen]

“On a technicality.”

[write “time” on hand or write it on paper and tape it]

“You better have time on your hand because you’re gonna need it.”

[taskman]

“This laptop is extremely slow.

[celery stick + intel celery sticker]

“Having a celery stick for a processor will do that to ya.”

[click, look up at room, look down at laptop done, look up to hell]

“Any and all programs take about three millennia to open.”

[“functions” in quotes on screen on top of b-roll + keyboard, mouse, and monitor connected to lemon]

“I mean, this does function, but so does a lemon, that’s not saying much.”

[storage pop-up]

“Not to mention… it”

[storage screen]

“Yeah, with 32 gigs of storage, two-thirds of which is taken up by the operating system, you can’t even store a fingernail on this.”

[desktop with all programs fading away + throw a bunch of sd cards on the floor]

“Unless you literally don’t have to install anything or have a stash of SD cards, storage is a constant battle.”

[spec comparison]

“There are school laptops better than this!”

[b-roll/e-waste factory]

“For $250 in 2017, you get a computer that was e-waste before it left the factory.”

[b-roll]

“Now, you might say that I’m being too harsh on it, and to that I say ‘you’re wrong’, but I get where you’re coming from.”

[do all these things]

“This does function. It can go on the internet. You can use it to file taxes, watch YouTube, make presentations, draw, play games, and many other things the average person needs to do with a computer. The average person probably doesn’t care that it’s slow. They don’t care about the specs as long as it’s cheap and functional.”

[b-roll/bluescreen]

“However, this does not excuse it from being the worst thing I’ve ever used.”

[b-roll and images and rex snapping the laptop in half]

“Now, imagine you are the person who bought this new, and you run into an issue. Lucky you, your nephew is back in town to help. It’s time to open the laptop up and see what’s in there.”

[disassemble laptop]

“Inside the laptop, you’ll find that half it is highlighted in *BLANK*. We’ll get back to this later.”

[look at these things]

“On the motherboard, you’ll find the RAM, the celery stick that probably needs new thermal paste, the heatsink-type-thing, the abysmal storage, missing screws, flip-up connector things, empty connector things, speakers, and a removable battery.”

[sticky note that says “nuclear bomb” on motherboard]

“Unfortunately, you find something wrong, so it’s time to look at the manual.”

[manual]

“IT DIDN’T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY.”

[manuel]

“In the same product line as this piece of sh*t, there’s actual laptops that could work fine.”

[man uhaul]

“I can see them taunting me, with their Core i7s, SSDs, and optical drives.”

[manulal + big gaping hole]

“Hey, remember that big gaping hole in the laptop? Of course you do, that was less than a minute ago! It was for an optical drive and a hard drive or SSD.”

[ssd]

“In fact, because I don’t like HP-sponsored depression, I bought an SSD and put it here.”

[manillalal]

“While we’re here, I’d like to go over some things I found in the manual.”

[manulahal]

“Having a product name was optional.”

[malanhual bottom cover]

“Why are these in a different order?”

[samasnsula and freeezah]

“It says it doesn’t work under 40° F so I put that to the test.”

[masanalel + facts + ubisoft reflections]

“It says it has a ‘WLED’ screen which is actually the same as an LED backlit LCD and still doesn’t prevent this screen from being a mirror.”

[mamasnansnjsak]

“Apparently, this means I have a BrightView screen. Why would I want more vivid colors if I can’t even see the f*cking screen?”

[mwilsjdgofilsadk.ml (hdd bracket, db for core processors, etc)]

“There’s also several parts that I don’t think exist. No one’s selling them. No one has a picture of one. I don’t think HP ever made any.”

[mashalalsh odd getting know device]

“I’d like to think that some models had an optical drive but no eject button or vice-versa.”

[mahasahladjifhrskfudfj]

“I cannot tell you how many times I’ve accidentally hit home instead of backspace.”

[b-roll]

“I think I’ve padded out the runtime enough. Remember that blue laptop from earlier?”

[open box]

“So uh… yeah.”

[blue b-roll]

“It looks a little bit different, doesn’t it?”

[throwing out car window]

“After throwing it out a car window, I felt it still hadn’t suffered enough.”

[blue b-roll]

“So I took it apart because I could.”

[broken screen]

“Still works!”

[blue b-roll]

“This HP Stream laptop has nearly the exact same specs as the other laptop, but it’s worse.”

[show all these things]

“The laptop is roughly a year older, doesn’t have a VGA port, doesn’t have an ethernet port, no removable battery, broken screen, nonfunctional HDMI port, and it’s ass blue.

[blue b-roll]

“It has all of the downsides of the other laptop with none of the upsides.”

[both laptops]

“I could not tell you why any non-masochists bought either of these new.”

[micro center screenshot]

“What’s worse is that they’re still selling these.”

[spec compare]

“Even worse is that they’re better than this one and cheaper.”

[amazon]

“Even worse still is that the blue laptop is currently on Amazon for more.”

[b-roll]

“However, I can’t deny that they work. They might not be the best, but for $200, what did you expect?”