Ang Paboritong Libro ni Hudas
Tao po!
<%> Itatanong ko lang ho sana kung—
<. - - .> Ah, oo. Patay ka na. Hehe….
<%> Pero bakit…
<%> Kailan…
<%> Paano nangyari ‘yon?
<. - - .> Sandali…
<. - - .> ..
<. - - .> …
<. - - .> .
<. - - .> A-hah!
<. - - .> Ayon sa record mo, nagbasa ka ng libro.
<%> Ho?!?!
<. - - .> Oo... nagbasa ka nga ng libro.
<. - - .> Siguro nakatulog ka pagkatapos magbasa…
<. - - .> nakalimutan mong nasa tuktok ka ng flag pole.
<%> Hindi ho!
<. - - .> O baka naman nakasandal ka sa isang pader,
<. - - .> tapos naipasok mo ang daliri mo sa isang electrical outlet.
<%> Hindi rin ho!
<. - - .> Aba, eh wag mo na kong pahulain.
<. - - .> Ikaw ang namatay, dapat alam mo kung bakit at paano.
<%> Kaya nga ho ako nagtatanong, e.
<. - - .> Sandali… may naisip ako….
<. - - .> Ano'ng libro ba ang binasa mo?
<. - - .> Hindi kaya isa ka rin sa mga nagbasa ng paboritong libro ni hudas?
<%> Oo nga ho...
<. - - .> Bull's eye!
<%> Paano n’yo nalaman?
<. - - .> Hehe… marami nang nauna sa'yo.
<. - - .> Binasa mo ang libro pero hindi mo inalam ang mga bagay-bagay tungkol dito.
<%> Huh?
<. - - .> Sige nga, ano ba ang alam mo tungkol sa libro na ‘yon?
<%> Kahit anong tungkol sa libro?
<. - - .> …
<%> Basta ang alam ko, meron daw ‘yon misteryosong missing chapter,
<%> sadyang tinanggal nang ipasa ng sumulat ang manuscript sa publisher.
<. - - .> Ano pa?
<%> Um… bago magkaroon ng paboritong libro si hudas,
<%> nagkaroon muna s'ya ng paboritong website,
<%> pero may pagkakaiba ang dalawa.
<. - - .> …
<%> …may kinalaman kaunti sila Ryan and Jacob sa libro.
<. - - .> Sino?
<%> Basta, makikita 'yon sa search engine.
<. - - .> Pero bakit tinawag 'yong paboritong libro ni hudas?
<%> Ah, alam ko ‘yan! Trick question ‘yan.
<%> Tulad ni Fats Waller, sasagutin ka lang ng sumulat ng:
<%> “If you hafta ask, you ain’t never gonna know!”
<%> ..
<%> Ano pa ba…?
<%> .
<%> At nga pala! ‘Yung sumulat ng libro…
<%> hindi totoong sumali s’ya sa Laban o Bawi.
<. - - .> ...
<%> Marami pa kong alam tungkol sa kanya. Gusto mo?
<. - - .> Sige lang…
<%> Sabi sa isang death clock sa Internet, hindi na raw s’ya aabot sa taong 2049.
<. - - .> Sino?
<%> ‘Yung sumulat ng paboritong libro ni hudas.
<. - - .> Hehe...
<%> Dahil masyadong matipid, buwanan lang s’ya pumasyal sa barberya.
<%> Kung hihingan mo s’ya ngayon ng joke, ang maibibigay n’ya sa’yo ay ang tungkol sa “horny eagle.”
<%> Alam ko rin na isa s’ya sa mga nabanggit na “Nonoy” sa libro. Kasalukuyan s’yang may pinagkakaabalahan na alagang hayop… at nagamit n’ya ang “F” word nang kagatin s’ya nito habang—
<. - - .> Sige, sige... ayos na....
<. - - .> Marami ka ngang alam, pero tila yata hindi mo alam ang pinakamahalagang bagay tungkol sa libro.
<%> Ano?
<. - - .> Pagkatapos mong basahin ito, mamamatay ka.
<%> HA?!?!
<. - - .> Surprise!
<%> Sandali... alam ko biro lang ‘yon, diba?
<. - - .> Depende.
<. - - .> Hiram lang ba ang kopya mo ng libro tapos hindi mo na ibinalik sa may-ari?
<%> Hindi ah!
<. - - .> Shoplifter ka?
<%> Lalong hindi!
<. - - .> Tinapos mo lang bang basahin sa tindahan ang libro at hindi mo binili?
<%> Hindi rin!
<. - - .> Nagpa-xerox ka o nagtiyaga sa malabo at ilegal na kopya?
<%>
<%>
<%>
Got A Hard Soul Born in Big Pain
Go Bring A Hard Soul To Pain Bin
Born Brat Gain Soul In A Hip God
Ang Paboritong Libro ni Hudas
Sometimes, we just need a good laugh. This was what I thought when my husband picked from the shelves Ang Paboritong Libro ni Hudas by Roberto "Bob" Ong when we were deciding how best to use our National Book Store gift checks. Totally clueless about Ong’s works, I got the impression from the title that it was just one of those compilations of jokes and that its plain black cover was not exactly in good taste. I needed my husband’s reassurance that it was, indeed, a good purchase.
I had to contain my curiosity as the book made my husband smile, laugh, pause and laugh again, whether he was in our living room, bedroom, or even while queuing at a supermarket cashier, reading aloud to me once in while a sentence or two. I finally had my turn – a welcome treat after I tucked to bed my kid and her twin siblings, or during breaks and idle moments at the office.
The pace by which I turned the pages was as fast as I began to appreciate the author’s thoughts. The book elicited not only my smiles and laughter, but also my own reflection on life’s constants and variables, which situations are simply "given" and which ones call for change. After I was done with the book, I immediately got hold of Ong’s two other books, ABNKKBSNPLAko?! and Bakit Baliktad Magbasa ng Libro ang mga Pilipino?
I am not exaggerating when I say that reading Ong’s books was indeed a great experience – and for many reasons. Foremost, I will always remember them for their uniqueness; second, for successfully touching on my sensibilities and the many aspects of my own person, including my being a Filipino; and of course, for being so funny.
Ong must have intentionally made his titles eye-catching and intriguing, for who could have guessed the contents behind such headings, which seemed to goad, get-us-to-the-cashier-and-find-out! In fairness, my rendezvous with them proved their titles and covers could not have been more apt: that plain black book on my shelf reminds me of Dante’s seven deadly sins of men locally applied; A B N K K B S... of the travails and joys of schooling; and the illustrated yellow cover turned upside down, of the peculiarities of Filipinos, the regressing state of Philippine education, and our desire for a more responsive government.
Also, I wonder if there were other books published without the usual "About the Author" stuff. Even entries to this contest require such information, which Ong deliberately omitted in his three books, notwithstanding that they contain practically his experiences and adventures and, if those were not fictitious, he actually shares with his readers a great deal about himself. I am not sure if I lack research skills, but even Google’s finds were no closer to any form of "About Bob Ong."
That these three books come in the vernacular also adds to their rareness. The force by which Ong got his message across to me can be attributed to his excellent use of Filipino: conversational, his language comes very natural, and clean at that (even when he is discussing how to pronounce "shit!" and how some people treat Tagalog curses as punctuations or prefixes). It spared me of the boredom that I usually associate with Filipino that’s either used textbook-style, or the makibaka-style identified with leftist struggles (e.g., ang kamulatan ng mga maralitang tagalungsod...). I actually believe Ong’s rationale that while he dwelt on the frailties of Filipinos, there was no intention to grandstand or humiliate our race before the world, precisely because his works are written in our own language – sa atin-atin lang.
The language also defines the setting of his entire paradigm: I realized that it does not necessarily take an imaginary Hogwarts or a high-tech nuclear research laboratory called CERN to challenge my thinking prowess. Rather, Ong explores the innumerable plots in a setting that has breathed life into my very being: our very own Philippine society.
This brings me to another reason why Ong’s works struck a chord in me. I initially went for them solely for their entertainment value, but they turned out to be great finds that articulated many of my own concerns, regrets, joys, hopes, and dreams, all with Philippine culture and society as the backdrop. Amid spiraling costs of living and seemingly degenerating generations of national leaders, reading Ong gave me a mixed feeling of joy and grief. Joy that I am on the same boat with many ordinary Filipinos braving the tides with great pride from our value-laden past and enduring belief in the future; and grief in realizing that, because of our growing apathy as a nation and continuing I-me-myself thinking, our boat is, at present, sinking.
Having served as a government employee for more than three years, I know that a good percentage of our public servants, especially those doing technical or "dirty jobs," perform their duties with much dedication and effort, more than the public will ever know. I had to leave civil service when I realized that fulfillment alone from drafting talking points, speeches, press releases or memoranda did not give Meralco and hospitals the same patience I exemplified waiting for my meager pay whenever delayed.
I agree with Ong that among the many problems besetting our nation, we need to address the pressing issues of graft and corruption on one hand, and the regressing state of education on the other. It is lamentable that, indeed, gone are the days when we would hail an exemplary child to becoming the president of the Philippines someday, for he will surely be better off becoming an OFW and be surely one of the saviors of our economy. Have we not collectively accepted the big irony of the Filipino life, that we provide the best possible education to our children so that, in time, they could work, or better still be immigrants, abroad? It was not my parents’ purpose for my education, nor mine for my children’s, but as Ong puts it, "Nakakapagod na bang maging Pilipino?" Such questions cannot be more relevant than in these times, when even our government and church leaders’ definitions of "the rule of law" depend on their affiliations, or when we learn of the exorbitant fees (imagine, US$100?!!) POEA charges our countrymen who find jobs overseas by their own resourcefulness (read: direct hires).
This brings me to the ultimate reason why I enjoyed Ong’s books: he narrates his own experiences and his keen observations of the Philippine society in an unparalleled humorous yet humble manner, a sure way to lighten up and keep readers in good spirits until better times come to our nation.
Ong may be the same age as me, gauging from the brands of goods and television shows that he says jologs know (my husband was so amazed at how on earth I would remember Saling of Flor de Luna). Maybe life was much simpler in our childhood days, for how could our way of living seem so institutionalized then, with mothers serving Royco chicken noodle soup to sick children, and in attending school ceremonies, nagpapakulot? I enjoyed Ong’s books because they brought back happy memories of my own childhood.
Why, I never realized until he pointed out that my and my daughter’s first reading book in pre-school, the timeless yellow Abakada, indeed named Lito’s dog "Bobo," and contained strange sentences like "Ibig kong kumain ng sisiw," "Ang tinapay ay lasang sapal," or "May ulol na aso sa daan." And did we say our kids learn bad words from the Internet? Only, Ong missed to include this one: "Ang aso ay may isang mata."
Ong articulated what I felt like when he was lured into buying a package of tools with unimaginable kinds of sewing needles at a low bargain price of P99...My facial muscles were most uncontrollable from laughing at that part in Ang Paboritong Libro..., especially since those tools, to date, have remain unused. Like him, I also had little sense of direction. My friends used to say I was ligawin, as in laging naliligaw. And, maybe, it was true not only for Ong and me, but people could really find themselves in the wrong classes at one time or another.
Unlike usual plots, Bob Ong’s books know neither climax nor denouement. As the stories in his chosen setting incessantly unfold before us, I could only wish that he would have more volumes of works capturing our adversities and triumphs in his own words, thinking, and writing style. In the Philippines, at least, I wish Bob Ong could give Dan Brown or J.K. Rowling a run for their money, asking them in jest which one Filipinos would prefer to read, and may I quote from his book, "You or me? Me or you? And the final is me."
-Elenita Pura, "I can read Judas’ favorite book upside down"
The Philippine Star, March 5, 2006
"Did your parents just make me up so you'd be a good boy?"
- The Devil (Bedazzled)
There is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide.
Judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering
the fundamental question of philosophy.
- Albert Camus
If I believed in an outside force that we wanted to call God,
and I believe that there is one, I think God would appreciate what I say,
because I can't see God wanting to create a world full of idiots.
- Marilyn Manson
It's asking a great deal that things should appeal to your reason
as well as your sense of the aesthetic.
- W. Somerset Maugham, 'Of Human Bondage', 1915
Agnostic (n). A God-fearing atheist
I don't care if it rains or freezes,
'long as I' got my plastic Jesus,
sittin' on the dashboard of my car;
It makes no difference if we hit a bump,
-he's held on by a suction cup,
sittin' on the dashboard of my car.
I can even go a hundr'd miles-an-hour,
as long as I've got that dee-vine power,
sittin' on the dashboard of my car.
- "Plastic Jesus," circa 1969, sign-on song of disk jockey Don Imis
If God were small enough to be understood, He would not be big enough to be worshiped.
- Evelyn Underhill
...But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries,
has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
- Mark Twain
And Jesus said unto them, "And whom do you say that I am?"
They replied, "You are the eschatological manifestation of the ground of our being,
the ontological foundation of the context of our very selfhood revealed."
And Jesus replied, "What?"
If we do not need to worship God six days in the week,
why do we need to worship him on the seventh?
- Lemuel K. Washburn
I have issues with anyone who treats faith as a burden instead of a blessing.
You people don't celebrate your faith; you mourn it.
- Serendipity (Dogma)
Atheist Christmas movie: "Coincidence On 34th Street"
There are no facts, only interpretations.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Where facts are few, experts are many.
- Donald R. Gannon
Calvin: Do you believe in the devil? You know, a supreme evil being dedicated to the temptation, corruption, and destruction of man?
Hobbes: I'm not sure that man needs the help.
Do you think people know what they want?
- God (Bruce Almighty)
That only which we have within, can we see without.
If we meet no gods, it is because we harbor none.
If there is a grandeur in you, you will find grandeur in porters and sweeps.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Every man is a God, if he chooses to recognize this fact.
- Anton LaVey
You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire; you build egos the size of cathedrals; fiber-optically connect the world to every eager impulse; grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green, gold-plated fantasies, until every human becomes an aspiring emperor, becomes his own God... and where can you go from there?
- John Milton aka Satan (The Devil's Advocate)
I had an experience. I can't prove and can't explain. But everything that I know as a human being tells me that it was real. I was given something wonderful, that changed me forever. A vision of the universe, that tells us undeniably, that we belong to something that is greater than ourselves, and that none of us is alone.
- Ellie Arroway (Contact)
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief, he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
In answer to the question of why it happened, I offer the modest proposal
that our Universe is simply one of those things which happen from time to time.
- Edward P. Tryon
I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of Him.
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Before God we are all equally wise—and equally foolish.
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone might be looking.
- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
To be a saint is the exception; to be upright is the rule. Err, falter, sin, but be upright.
To commit the least possible sin is the law for man. Sin is a gravitation.
- Victor Hugo, 'Les Miserables'
A hypocrite is a person who—but who isn't?
- Don Marquis
It would be very nice if there were a God who created the world and was a benevolent providence, and if there were a moral order in the universe and an after-life; but it is a very striking fact that all this is exactly as we are bound to wish it to be.
- Sigmund Freud
And God said, "Jeeze, this is dull." And it *was* dull.
- Genesis 0:0
Own only what you can carry with you; know language, know countries,
know people. Let your memory be your travel bag.
- Alexander Solzhenitsyn
He who never thinks of anything as ‘mine’ does not feel the lack of anything:
he is never worried by a sense of loss.
- Buddha (568-488 BC, Founder of Buddhism)
Never eat more than you can lift.
- Miss Piggy
It ain't the parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me,
it is the parts that I do understand.
- Mark Twain
Feminist theologians tell us that God is female.
But what about the devil? What about her?
I'm looking for loopholes.
- WC Fields, when caught reading the Bible
The ability to delude yourself may be an important survival tool.
- Jane Wagner
Never take ecstasy, beer, baccardi, weed, pepto bismol, vivarin, tums, tagamet hb, xanax, and valium in the same day. It makes it difficult to sleep at night.
- Eminem, on drugs
Comic Truth #2: Exposure to deadly radiation = Super powers.
If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.
Men show their characters in nothing more clearly
than in what they think laughable.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Whoever controls the media—the images—controls the culture.
- Allen Ginsberg
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled on the world
was convincing us he didn't exist.
- Verbal Kent (Usual Suspects)
The Christian resolution to find the world ugly and bad,
has made the world ugly and bad.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
If the solar system was brought about by an accidental collision, then the appearance of organic life on this planet was also an accident, and the whole evolution of Man was an accident too. If so, then all our present thoughts are mere accidents – the accidental by-product of the movement of atoms. And this holds for the thoughts of the materialists and astronomers as well as for anyone else’s. But if their thoughts – i.e., Materialism and Astronomy – are mere accidental by-products, why should we believe them to be true? I see no reason for believing that one accident should be able to give me a correct account of all the other accidents. It’s like expecting the accidental shape taken by the splash when you upset a milk-jug should give you a correct account of how the jug was made and why it was upset.
- C.S. Lewis
The greatest ignorance is rejecting
that which you know absolutely nothing about.
- Jessica Branch
I still went to church regularly, though, until I was eighteen years old.
Then suddenly, the light bulb went on over my head. All the mindless
morbidity and discipline was pretty sick - bleeding this, painful that
and no meat on Friday. What is this shit?"
- Frank Zappa
Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
People break down into two groups when they experience something lucky. Group number one sees it as more than luck, more than coincidence. They see it as a sign, evidence, that there is someone up there, watching over them. Group number two sees it as just pure luck. Just happy chance. And surely, the people in Group number two are looking at those fourteen lights in very suspicious way. For them, the situation is fifty-fifty. Could be bad, Could be good. But deep down, they feel that whatever happens, they're on their own. And that fills them with fear. Yeah, there are those people. But there's a whole lot of people in Group number one. When they see those fourteen lights, they're looking at a miracle. And deep down, they feel that whatever's going to happen, there will be someone there to help them. And that fills them with hope. So what you have to ask yourself is what kind of person are you: Are you the kind that sees signs, sees miracles? Or do you believe that people just get lucky? Or, look at the question this way: Is it possible that there are no coincidences?
- Graham Hess (Signs)
If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.
- Voltaire
I am convinced that the world is not a mere bog in which men and women trample themselves and die. Something magnificent is taking place here amidst the cruelties and tragedies, and the supreme challenge to intelligence is that of making the noblest and best in our curious heritage prevail.
- C.A. Beard
Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn't. Because they were holding on to something.
Frodo: What are we holding on to, Sam?
Sam: There's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it's worth fighting for.
You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean;
if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.
- Mahatma Gandhi
I shall tell you a great secret my friend.
Do not wait for the last judgment, it takes place every day.
- Albert Camus