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‘Christian Husband, has God called you to take a 2nd wife in polygamy?’ A Biblical Response...
‘Christian Husband, has God called you to take a 2nd wife in polygamy?’ A Biblical Response...
Part 5: The Nature of Submission & Covenant Husbandship
Part 5: The Nature of Submission & Covenant Husbandship
Building a Biblical Response to this Question...
Building a Biblical Response to this Question...
In Part 1 we began by looking at examples in the Word about who initiated monogamous and polygamous marriage and the marital status Jesus and the Apostle Paul preferred for Christians called to His service. Conclusion: Stating that the God of the Bible has called a Christian man to take a second wife is logically inconsistent with the biblical record that God has not called a man to have/take even one wife, if he can help himself; and, Of the very few times God Himself has ever specifically directed a man in the Bible to take a mate, 100% of those examples have been monogamous.
In Part 2, we considered the nature of God as revealed through Jesus Christ. Conclusion: Christ revealed an attitude of enormous value placed upon women, children, and all the oppressed people of our cultures and societies. These revelations solidly made the case that polygamous marriages belong to the old patriarchal model of times before men and women could be made new creations in Christ. Such times tolerated and regulated the already existing double standards of a hard-hearted, developing society which subjugated women and children and elevated men above women in a way that the image and Son of God simply does not.
In Part 3, we were then ready to consider the nature of polygamous marriage having laid the foundation of Christ [the only foundation upon which we should wisely build (Matthew 7:24-27; 1 Corinthians 3:9-15)], and we went on to examine whether polygamous marriage can honestly be characterized as “a God idea”. Conclusion: In 100% of the cases recorded in Scripture, polygamy fails the test of an idea or relationship birthed from the heart, mind, or mouth of God. A husband is commanded to sacrificially love his wife “as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her” which brings glory to God in the eyes of believers and unbelievers alike. This kind of marriage must be monogamous or it fails the test of sacrificially loving and caring for the wife above himself.
In Part 4, we learned what the Word says about the nature of covenant marriage and whether polygamous marriage fits what God has instituted as a prophetic picture of an extremely important metaphysical reality. We reflected on the Lord’s instructions about how members of His one body, particularly husbands, have been commanded to live, and weighed desires for polygamy in light of those instructions. Conclusion: Covenant marriage is not primarily for the benefit of human couples but is actually an institution, or sacrament, given to humanity as a prophetic picture of Christ’s relationship with His (singular) Bride, the church. Covenant marriage is required to be heterosexual, life-long, exclusively faithful (to the exclusion of all others), and by definition monogamous. This kind of marriage must be monogamous or it fails the test of prophesying the relationship of Christ with one body joined to one bride, who was taken out of Him just as Eve was taken out of Adam.
Revisit one or both of those sections in the PNM Unit here or by visiting our web archive here.
1.5 The Nature of Permanent Covenant Husbandship: Is polygamy something a husband can direct his wife to submit to or is it a sin, even if she consents?
1.5 The Nature of Permanent Covenant Husbandship: Is polygamy something a husband can direct his wife to submit to or is it a sin, even if she consents?
Sometimes a Christian husband might have a very strong desire that he believes is from the Lord and when he brings this to his wife, she is resistant. One such example might be to sell their larger house and downsize to a smaller home so that the family will be able to take that money and sow it into the lives of the poor in their community or overseas. When the wife objects to this idea, a husband might patiently guide her to Scriptures showing the example of Christian couples who did likewise (see Acts 4:32-37), and doing a Bible study together about the Lord’s expectation for His followers to be generous, not love money, and use the blessings He’s given them to be a blessing to others. In this way, the wife may see that the source of her refusal to support her husband in his God-given desire is actually based on fear of lack, selfishness, or other feelings about reputation and worldly comfort that aren’t compatible with the life of a disciple of Jesus. The husband would be correct to gently remind her that the Word calls her to respect the authority of her husband in matters of godly leadership for their family and trust the Lord with the results.
Is a wife’s sorrow over being told her husband wants to take another woman into their marriage a selfish thing based on ungodly jealousy? Does a wife who expresses, in no uncertain terms, her adamant objection to redefine their previously monogamous union and her refusal to consent to polygamy actually resist God by resisting her husband in this? Is she being difficult or rebellious and just desires to usurp his God-given authority over their family? Does a submissive Christian wife simply have to do whatever her husband commands, no matter how his choices make her feel or effect their family, because he is called to be the leader of their home?
A proper understanding of biblical husbandship provides the answer. Pastor John MacArthur explains this beautifully in the following short clip from his larger message “The Willful Submissive of a Christian Wife”.
How is a Husband to Behave Towards the Wife Over Whom he has Been Given Authority?
How is a Husband to Behave Towards the Wife Over Whom he has Been Given Authority?
Pastor John MacArthur begins to explain the general submission of believers as a lifestyle and then, a few minutes in to this clip, lays out what that really means for a husband who is the authority of the wife under Christ:
No one who is familiar with any of Pastor MacArthur’s teachings would ever accuse him of trying to elevate a woman above her place or embracing feminism where it is not found in the bible. He goes on to reveal that this leadership style which he has adopted and is advocating, that of a mutually-submitted, humble, and adoring Christian husband towards his covenant wife, is not the result of some kind of bizarre, feminist-tainted demand made by an ungodly woman desiring ungodly things or insisting on getting her own way. For he goes on to say:
We see from this example of a very godly man who has very strong beliefs and doctrine related to the roles of the family and the gender role and submission of the Christian wife, that the wife and children of a Christian man are actually well within their biblical rights to expect that man to become and continue behaving as a husband of character, a man who is born again for real and following Christ’s care for their needs and Christ’s lead in his leadership. When they resist blending their family with another woman or her children, the husband cannot turn around and say to them that they are just being selfish, rebellious or ungodly. The husband’s children by his first wife are NOT selfish in telling their father that it hurts them and takes away from the quality of their family relationship and life when he behaves in these ways. Nor are they being childish or selfish to expect that once they have told him, they can trust their Daddy to act in the best interest of their feelings, not his or someone else’s, and therefore stop leaving them to go be with another woman or children that are not part of their nuclear family at all.
Likewise, the first wife is NOT selfish or wrong for making her husband aware that his polygamous behaviour is not promoting her joy, or the benefit of unity and love between them, and that is disrupting the harmonious fellowship within their home. This is NOT a jealousy of the flesh that the first family just needs to “go pray and get over”.
Who Does it Benefit?
Who Does it Benefit?
Polygamy, as we have mentioned in previous sections of this site, has been shown to be detrimental to women and children. It’s sole focus is the earthly benefit given to the man and the other woman and has nothing to do with caring for the desires, concerns, and meeting the legitimate needs of the first wife and the children, in fact it is undertaken at the expense of the time, focus, peace, and joy of those to whom God has called the husband to protect, cherish, and represent Christ.
Dear Christian Husband,
Dear Christian Husband,
Your family’s desire that polygamy not happen and their request that the head of their household cease and desist if it is already happening is NOT selfish at all but in fact is based on a truly biblical understanding of your God-given leadership role which ENTAILS that if someone has to do the sacrificing, if someone has to take a loss, that person would be YOU, not them, and that you would submit mutually in such a way that your sacrifice is offered because it will promote their joy and become an object-lesson modelling Christ for their spiritual benefit.
This is true biblical husbandship, based on true biblical submission in a Christian family. It is the kind of submission that is to be pervasive through ALL our human relationships, whether we have the RESPONSIBILITY of filling the role of the “head” or not and it is the kind of submission your wife and family were created to flourish under. Mutual submission out of sacrificial love flowing from a supernaturally transformed nature and a new heart is foundational to everything a Christian does in life.
This is not just a suggestion you get to take or leave. You, husband, are commanded by God to seek after the well-being of your charges. The Heavenly Father and the Master Jesus will hold you to this standard. One day, you will give an account for how you handled yourself and answer for your choices to willfully engage in activities that you knew stole their peace, greatly challenged or extinguished their joy, and threatened the unity of your nuclear family. This is the same role that the pastor of a church has in caring for his flock. Neither you nor he are dictators ruling your congregation unilaterally as you see fit, heedless of any objections of your sheep.
Does God Condone Consensual Non-Monogamy?
Does God Condone Consensual Non-Monogamy?
Some cultures which struggle with corrupt or developing social systems to protect and provide for single women, the poor, orphaned children, widows, or single mothers embrace and teach polygamy as a solution for these social ills. Other couples may fail to embrace holiness in their sex life and agree to open their marriage to a variety of consensual non-monogamous, polyamorous relationship structures and later end on the relationship orientation of polygamy, even seeing in it the consent of God. Still others may be involved in religions that teach that polygamy is necessary or expected. A first wife may consent to her husband taking an official or a “spiritual” second wife for a variety of reasons. Does this consent elevate polygamous relationships to a status acceptable to God?
No. Even if you received your wife’s permission to add a second wife to your relationship, polygamy still cannot be characterized as God’s idea for Christian marriage or His plan for your life, her life, or the life of the other woman who is also consenting to this. This evaluation is not based on opinion, and it even goes beyond all the legitimate ‘soft’ objections discussed in previous sections addressing this question. The real reason polygamy is incompatible with Christianity is that Jesus identifies it as sin. Find out why in Part 6.
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