In Part 1, we began by acknowledging that the Lord has explicitly given us the Scriptures for our teaching and measuring of ideas and that He has promised therein not to “drop a bomb on us” by doing anything significant or life-altering without first telling His prophets.
We therefore began our examination of the claim that God might instruct a Christian husband to add a second wife to his marriage in concurrent polygamy by looking at examples in the Word about who initiated monogamous and polygamous marriages and examining the marital status Jesus and the Apostle Paul preferred for Christians called to His service. Conclusion: Stating that the God of the Bible has called a Christian man to take a second wife is logically inconsistent with the biblical record that God has not called a man to have/take even one wife, if he can help it; and, Of the very few times God Himself has ever specifically directed a man in the Bible to take a mate, 100% of those examples have been monogamous.
Dear Christian Husband,
Now, if you're a Christian man who believes God has called you to take a second woman in polygamy, you’ve probably read some good fantasy novels, seen some stuff online from pro-polygamy sites, joined a poly group or two and met some other Christians, watched “Sister Wives” or one of the other TV series about polyamorous relationship orientations, or had a few excellent dreams that have allowed you to “see” how polygamy can “work” for families. Why not yours? Increased income and buying power, free childcare, a stay-at-home maid, chef, or homeschooler, increased companionship, the physical pleasure of compersion making for “better sex”, the ability to have another partner that can share different hobbies or may enjoy doing different things outside or inside the bedroom that the other wife doesn’t, and less sexual pressure on just one wife, all of these things have been touted as potential benefits to polyamorous lifestyles for those who have a mind to “get on board and make it work”.
Yet since you’re a Christian, you also know that “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death” (Proverbs 14:12) and, coincidentally, a lot of those "ways" described in that same biblical book of wisdom have to do with sexual sin. Some people claim polygamy is one of those sexual sins that might seem right but will end in death. You obviously don't agree but it's worth asking, "Why would they say that?"
As believers in Jesus Christ, it’s very important that we don’t function in the same way as the world and we must be sure we’re not basing our judgements on a docudrama, an epic fantasy series, or an internet website. The most reliable place to find true wisdom is in the fear of the Lord. Proverbs 9:10-11 "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding." We know that in His mercy He’s provided us with the Scriptures in order to guide us. You might already be aware that many pro-polygamy sites are very committed to using the Scriptures to justify their lifestyle so let’s take a look at some of the famous polygamous relationships in the Bible to see if we can recognize the nature and character of a bona fide idea of God.
God’s ideas look right, feel right, and sound right to all those who have a heart for Him. Things that God initiates bring people closer to knowing what He’s really like; They bring people closer to Jesus, and they make people who were formerly sinners to hunger and thirst for salvation and righteousness. The things the Lord says will not be contradicted when all the truth comes out, and it will sound so wise that even the previously foolish and stupid will gain mental and moral acuity, yet even they will not be complicated and even little children and the simple will be able to intuitively and actually understand.
Every word of God is pure; He is a shield to those who put their trust in Him. ~ Proverbs 30:5
Things that God tells us to do don’t look, feel, or sound dirty.
Not even a little bit. Everything that comes out of the mouth of God as direction for His children looks, feels, and sounds pure, not only to those who know Him, but also to the those who don’t. This is why people hearing God's direction out of the mouth of His children may get uncomfortable and accuse the one speaking of "judging" them or of being "holier than thou". The purity of God's ideas and directions stand in stark contrast to the impurity of their thinking or lifestyle. Light is revealing darkness and the people who love darkness hate the light, not because they can't see that it is pure and good, but because they love their evil deeds.
John 3:19-21 19 This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. 20 Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed.21 But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.
Verse 21 in another translation puts it this way "But those who do what is right come to the light so others can see that they are doing what God wants.[a]” Footnotes: 3:21 Or can see God at work in what he is doing.
God’s way of living looks and feels markedly different from the world’s and from false religions. The things that are God’s ideas reveal some of His characteristics and divine nature now that Christ has come. God's ideas will always be things that will:
Provide protection for His people, especially the less fortunate, weak, or needy.
Liberate the oppressed and heal our wounds; Not condemning repentant oppressors nor justifying continued oppression and certainly not inflicting additional wounds.
Always speak to our value, even of the least among us -- the poor, the homeless, the prisoners, the persecuted, the children, the women, the downtrodden by everyone else. Those are the ones that are cherished and most lifted up by Him. Those are the ones who can likewise trust that where men of this world have no issue subjugating, oppressing and using them, living at their expense and demanding they “suck it up” because they "deserve it" or because they’re “just women” or “just kids”, GOD will never say or do those things to them, instead He will be their shield against those things.
We who follow this God through Jesus Christ are called saints in the New Testament and called to live as saints. The word literally means, “set apart for Him”. We are called to live this way because we are called “to be like Him”. Our love for God gets to look like Jesus, our love for ourselves gets to look like Jesus, our love for our enemies gets to look like Jesus, our love for our parents gets to look like Jesus, our love for our friends, coworkers, bosses and neighbours gets to look like Jesus, our love for the church gets to look like Jesus, our love for our children and our spouse gets to look like Jesus, and the way we live our marriage gets to look like Jesus.
If we are living in anyway outside of that ideal, then the ideas we are embracing and the model we are following cannot be from the Lord Jesus Christ.
According to God the Holy Spirit, the litmus test for whether any belief, thought, emotion, idea, word, or action is from God is to ask whether it looks, sounds, and feels like Jesus Christ.
The polygamous relationship you feel Jesus is directing you to enter into (or continue) flourishes in a social structure that acknowledges the personhood of men, but does not afford the same designation to women.
For example, to be the victim of adultery (Hebrew, na’aph) under the Mosaic Law one had to be both these two things: (1) married and (2) a male. Women were considered valuable property, under the ownership and responsibility of the man who provided for her, first her father, then her husband, the one who had purchased her with the bride price. Deuteronomy 5:21 commands the men of Israel, “You must not covet your neighbor’s wife. You must not covet your neighbor’s house or land, male or female servant, ox or donkey, or anything else that belongs to your neighbor.” The commandment provides a nonexhaustive list of property belonging to a man's neighbour that a coveter might desire and conspire to steal: House, land, ox, donkey, male servant, female servant, and wife.
A married woman who engaged in sexual relations with a man who was not her husband was found guilty of adultery against her husband, as was the man who had slept with her. One or both of them were to be put to death in certain cases. However, a married man who had sexual relations with a woman who was not his spouse, for example a prostitute, or another single woman, or another woman whom he had taken as another wife or a concubine, was not guilty of adultery against his wife. The reason for this was that na’aph was an issue of coveting and stealing -- it was a major property crime (similar to today's judicial designation of "theft over $1000" versus "grand theft auto"), it was very serious just like if someone stole a man’s land, house, donkey, or servant/slave (also not afforded the status and rights of a “person” even if they were male). The donkey or the slave cannot bring a charge in court against the thief, anymore than they could bring a charge in court against the owner who sold them to someone else. Property does not have rights only people have rights and donkeys and slaves did not count as people. Women were not full-status people under the Mosaic Law, either, although they were the most valuable of chattel, existing to serve the man, bear and raise children, and provide companionship and pleasure. They were required to be treated well and cared for under the Law, just like the servants and the animals were. Women could not buy or sell property without the consent of a man, nor could they request a divorce from a marriage without extremely rare circumstances pertaining to his gross neglect and dereliction of lawful duties, yet even in that case a divorce still had to be approved by a council of other men.
This understanding continued even in the First Century. Herodias, a member of the ruling family of Judea, was infamously married to Herod and instigated the murder of John the Baptist after he’d called out their relationship as “unlawful”. This issue was not that both Herod and Herodias had been previously divorced before remarrying (we know the Mosaic Law had no problem with divorce and remarriage for either gender in most circumstances). The problem was that Herodias’s first husband, Philip, had not been the one to seek the divorce. Herodias had exploited her influence and position and gone against Judaic law to push through a divorce against the wishes of her husband. The biblical account states that John the Baptist judged their remarriage to be “unlawful” because Herod had married “his brother’s wife”. Herodias still belonged to Philip according to the Mosaic Law, she had not been lawfully divorced by her husband and so was not free to remarry under according to that Law. For more information on that, see here.
This view of women continues to this day in every society and religion that legalizes polygamy. Most notably in Islam, which takes that to an even greater extreme through the laws requiring women to be covered completely when in public or around any man of age who is not her husband. So also in traditional Mormon communities who join Islam in another extreme and arrange marriages of child brides to the man who desires another wife. Does the God of the Bible, as fully revealed through God the Son, concur with these communities and societies?
In Mark 10 we read an interesting exchange between Jesus, the Pharisees, and His disciples.
Mark 10:2 Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife?” 3 Jesus answered them with a question: “What did Moses say in the law about divorce?” 4 “Well, he permitted it,” they replied. “He said a man can give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away.”...
Here Jesus and the Pharisees discuss Mosaic Law which allowed only a man to divorce his wife. Their question was about the variety of reasons which would be acceptable as a reason for the man to send away and be freed from the woman who belongs to him. The interim verses see Jesus returning the Pharisees to the Garden of Eden before the Fall and the Curse as a measuring stick of how to behave in a marriage, which is a markedly higher standard than what was presented in their Mosaic Law. Then, Jesus reveals something about God which is even more remarkable.
Mark 10:10 Later, when he was alone with his disciples in the house, they brought up the subject again. 11 He told them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery against her. 12 And if a woman divorces her husband and marries someone else, she commits adultery.”
Jesus privately reveals that not only should a man no longer seek a divorce from his first wife at all because the two have been made one, but that a WIFE can now become a victim of adultery herself! Furthermore, Jesus goes on to acknowledge that not only does such a revelation mean that a man’s property has been granted some new and special rights but that the woman is a person and not a piece of property at all anymore because Jesus recognizes that legal capacity of a married woman to initiate and complete a divorce.
God the Holy Spirit continues what God the Son began with the emancipation of those previously oppressed as property when He inspires Paul, writing to the Galatians, to declare:
God declares that slaves are now people, Gentiles (whom Israelites previously considered dogs and avoided) are given equal status as Jews, and females are likewise people with the same rights and status as free, Jewish males in the eyes of their Creator!
Like it does during today’s extremely common relationship arrangements of divorced and remarried parents, concurrent polygamy breeds awkwardness and strife between the children of the different women, assuming they both have them, and between the children and their “step-mother”. In some cases, as when Abram was told to allow Hagar to return to his family for the sake of young Ishmael, there was no better alternative for the child than to be placed in this less than desirable situation and so, though difficult, it was nevertheless a mercy. The negative emotions experienced in these dysfunctional families are never addressed because it is implicitly understood to be acceptable since those being negatively affected and required to work through those situations and emotions are “just children”. Under Mosaic Law disobedient children were to be executed and parents were held responsible for failing to do so (Eli the priest is a case in point for that). What can we learn about God’s true feelings towards children and their well-being from examining the life of Jesus?
In the biblical narrative, immediately after Jesus dropped the bomb about God’s view of women, their emancipation from subjugation and elevation to the status of personhood, people seem to have interpreted Him to be radically pro-family because they surged Him with their children so that He could lay His hands on them and bless them. The disciples, still labouring under the culture’s view of children as less important than adults, tried to stop those bringing their children to Jesus.
Mark 10:13 People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. 14 When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.
Jesus tells an amazing parable about how our King views the needy, the sick, the outcasts, the lonely, the least. Do you think He counted children among these, or only adults?
Matthew 25:34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ 37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ 40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ 41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’ 44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’ 45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’ 46 “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”
Jesus, God in the flesh, rejected the double standard implicit in both the worldly culture of the Roman empire and the Mosaic Law he came up under. Further study in the New Testament will reveal verses and examples that maintain these truths. Some even relate to which person God holds responsible if things don’t go well or look, sound, or feel like Christ in the family, while simultaneously affirming the command of all members to love others like Christ, prefer others before ourselves, not exasperate or lord our positions over others, and radically demonstrate love for our enemies and the least in our society. All of these reveal Christ’s attitude towards women, children, and all the oppressed people of our cultures and societies.
These revelations solidly make the case that polygamous marriages belong to the old model of double standards that required the subjugation of women and children in order to elevate men above women in a way that Jesus simply does not. Now we are able to consider the question of to what extent polygamous marriage can be classified as a "God idea" in Part 3.