Emotions are feedback mechanisms that tell us something is likely right out likely wrong, that's it, nothing more. If you feel crappy, it's your brain telling you there's a problem unresolved or unaddressed, a negative emotion, whereas a positive emotion is merely a call to victory, nothing else but to enjoy it, which slowly go away because problems eventually turn up Emotions are part of the equation, not it's entirely, something that feels good doesn't really mean it is good and vice versa Denying Negative emotions to avoid pain represses oneself and makes one struggle with unresolved problems, but pain serves a purpose much like the pain from touching a hot pan tells you to get your hands off the pan, fool.We like the idea that there is some form of ultimate happiness, but no there is not. Everything comes with its own set of negative emotions. The person we marry is the one with fight with.The house we buy is the one we have to repair.The dream job we got us the one we will stress over.Whatever makes us feel good with inevitable make us feel bad.We like the idea of alleviating all our pain forever, we cannot
Choose your struggles
People often answer the question to "what do you want with your life" with a positive emotion but one that's vague and comman.Instead ask yourself, "what kind of paid do you want in life" The struggle of going to the gym and strictly planning your meals for the ideal body in your mind The struggle of working long hours and in corporate hell for that nice office and high pay The struggle of rejection and tough conversations for your relationship Happiness requires struggle, it grows from problems, whether you struggle from anxiety or ocd or a boss you hate, the solution lies in acceptance and active engagement of problems, but avoidance People want the reward, not the struggle, our problems birth our happiness, now with slightly better problems. It's merely just an upward spiral
You're not special
High self-esteem over one's self - positive thoughts and feelings over one's self was once thought to lead to a better society with better social benefits; lower crime, lower unemployment, better academics etc A generation later and what have we shown? No, we aren't special. Calling ourselves great things didn't make us great, telling ourselves we are happy just made us believe we currently aren't feeling all that happy. Teaching people to feel good about themselves didn't turn out to turn a population of otherwise farts into Bill gateses and Martin Luther kings. A feel good trophy for participating or achievements for underperforming did not encourage better behavior. It rather turned people to crave entitlement, getting things without any/minimum work. This ideology measured self worth by how positive people had felt about themselves, a more accurate reflection would be, How one feels over the negative aspects of themselves. The problem with entitled people is that they have the need to feel good about their selves, often at the expense of someone else They often have a delusional degree of self confidence, and once someone has created a thought pattern of how "great" they are, any criticism towards them is seen as a "threat" to their superiority by someone who "can't handle" how smart/gifted/good looking/successful they are. Entitlement is a failed strategy, it is merely just another high, the true measure of self worth is not by how you feel about your positive experiences, a more accurate reflection would be, how you feel over your negative ones. An entitled person would often hide away from their problems and create an imagined success for themselves, and because they can't face their problems, no matter how successful they think of themselves, they are weak. A person with true self worth can see their problems and look at the negative aspects of their character.Yes, sometimes I am irresponsible with moneyYes I exaggerate my own success at times And then act upon themselves to improve their problems which might later be exchanged or improved as mentioned in the last summary, into a better problem. Reality will eventually hit the entitled, and all their underlying problems will eventually come to be cleared.It's just a matter of when and how painful it will be, when it does
Things fall apart
When " real traumatizing events" occur in our life, we subconsciously think that we have problems that are incapable of ever being solved and this assumed thinking causes us to feel miserable and helpless. We start to feel that we are either uniquely special or uniquely defective in some way amongst society, creating the mindset that we are entitled. The deeper the pain, the more helpless we get and the more we feel entitled, the more we, subconsciously are thought to be treated special. ''I'm awesome and all of you suck, so I deserve special treatment''OR'I suck and all of you are awesome, so I deserve special treatment" These two sets of people are different from their outside but share the same sad miserable creamy core that their problems are unique and as such, deserve to be treated uniquely. In reality there's no such thing as a personal problem, if you have a problem, chances are a million others have had it, gone through it, currently going through that same problem or yet to go through it.That doesn't minimize your problem or make it hurt any less or that you aren't a victim in some circumstances. It just means you're not special.This realization that you and your problems aren't privileged in their severity or pain is the first and most important step towards solving them. Yet the the degree people seem to forget this has grown, especially in the recent generation.The more exposed we are to opposing viewpoints, the more we seem to get upset they exist.The more freedom we are given to express ourselves, the more we want to be free if having to deal with anyone who may disagree with us or upset us.The more easier and problem free our lives get, the more we seem entitled to get them for even betterThe Internet and social media have unquestionably a fantastic benefit to society, but perhaps have catered to drive unintentionally social side effects, the same technology that has educated and liberated so many have also enabled people's sense of entitlement more than ever before
The Tyranny of Exceptionalism
Most of us are pretty average at most of the things we do, even if we are exceptionally good at one thing, chances are, we are exceptionally lower below average in other things. It's statistically improbable that someone is exceptionally good in all let alone many aspects of their life. Business people are often messups in their personal lives Many celebrities are probably just as clueless about life as the people who stalk them. We are pretty average people, but it's only the extremes that get the publicity. For the most part, we know this. But we don't like discussing or even thinking about it as to how it might be a problem. The internet has become a quintessential evil. Covering both good and bad. Having given us tremendous economic benefits at the cost of psychological suffering. Media on Facebook , Instagram, YouTube ,Tiktok don't generally show their middle of the bell curve, but rather the extreme ends. The most exceptional individuals in all aspects of their life, from all areas of life, 1000s of these videos circulated in constant progression and we never seem to see the middle. The funniest joke, the coolest back flip, the scariest jump, the saddest event, the most sweetest proposal, the most gruesome murder. Mediocrity does not gain clucks, Radicalized and extreme content does, that's what brings in the big bucks to advertising revenue on these sites. This flood of information had conditioned yes to think that exceptionalism is new normal, the deluge of exceptional information makes us feel insecure and desperate, cause clearly we are somehow not good enough. We Cope up by self aggrandizing or through other aggrandizing. Some of us get caught up in a get rich quick scheme.Some go across the world to find themselves by saving starving babies in Africa.Some overexcel and get everything in school.Some shoot up a schoolOthers have sex with everything that breathes and talks. Technology and media has screwed up expectations of oneself, the inundation of the exceptional makes them feel worse about themselves and get the need to be extreme,radical and more self assured to get noticed it even matter Not all of us get to be exceptional at even one aspect in life, and that's okay. People who are truly exceptional at things as Athletes, don't become so as they believe they are the best but rather that they are addicted to improving themselves, as they have the belief that they aren't, a sort of anti entitlement. Don't buy into that bullcrap saying "every person can be extraordinary and achieve greatness" that just jerks off your ego.That message sounds good going down, but it's just empty calories that make you emotionally fat and bloated, the big Mac for your brain and heart. Your actions don't really matter in the grand scheme of things The vast majority of your life will be bland and not noteworthy, and that's okay. The knowledge and acceptance of your mundane behavior will free you to accomplish what you really want to without judgement or extreme expectations.You'll have a growing appreciation of life's affairs, even to the boring ones. The ordinary things, because that is what actually matters.
The value of suffering and the self awareness onion
Self awareness is like an onion (and ogres). They have layers,once you peel each layer , you discover more about yourself and why you think the way you do.
The first layer, is a simple understanding of yourself "This makes me happy" "This makes me sad" "This gives me hope" Most people are stuck at this most basic level. We all have blind spots that don't fully allow us to understand why we feel things at times, it takes time to practice that to truly have a grasp of it, but again, perfection is not needed, rather just trying will help you get to that goal of the inner onion.
The second layer is why we feel the way we do "Why does this make me happy" "Why does this make me sad" "Why does this give me hope" These questions are difficult and take months or years to answer consistently and accurately. This later if questioning helps us understand the root causes of our emotions
The third and most difficult onion layer is our personal values. "Why do i consider this to be a success to make me happy" "Why do i consider this to be a failure to make me sad" "How am i choosing to measure myself" "By what standard am I judging myself and others around me" This level takes constant questioning and effort and is incredibly difficult to reach, but it's the most important as our values determine our problems. Values underlie everything we are and do. If what we value is unhelpful then what we consider success/failure is poorly chosen. Most people are horrible at these why questions and this prevents them from achieving a deeper knowledge of their own values. Much of the advice out there are predicated on the short term while the real long term problems never get solved. Honest self questioning is difficult and requires asking yourself simple questioning, the more uncomfortable, the more likely the answer is true. Take a moment to think too yourself something that bugs you, and then think exactly why it bugs you.
Metrics of life
12th December 2022 Due to our Innate prehistoric nature, we instinctively measure ourselves against others and vie for status. The question is not whether we evaluate ourselves against others;rather,the question is by what standard do we measure ourselves? Our values determine the metrics by which we measure ourselves and everyone else. if you want to change how you see your problems, you have to change what you value and/or how you measure failure/success Your values and metrics define your problems. Some lead to good problems that are easily and regularly solved, some lead to bad problems that are not easily and regularly solved. The life story of two band members of two different bands is an excellent way to envision this summary. Dave Mustaine Ex-member of Metallica and Pete Best, Ex member of the BeatlesDave and Pete were both kicked out soon before the Band got its first major contract for Metallica and The Beatles. Dave forged his own hand soon after and vowed to be the best band ever, way better than his former band, he created Megadeth, a widely popular band that is right to have been very Influential in the heavy metal genre. However, even after the millions of dollars he made and the world tours, an interview later in life with him, he's stated that he still feels as a failure and still sees himself as "the guy who got kicked out of Metallica" He was measuring his success not on its own, but rather relative to Metallica On the other hand, Pete didn't turn out so well soon after leaving, he fell into a depression and tried to commit suicide before being talked out of it by his mother.However, I'm an interview later in life, he did mention that he was happier than he would ever be with the Beatles. This was because after this incident, he had found his wife which led him to his kids, and he even still continued to play the drums later in life and did tours, nowhere near the Beatles or even Dave's band Megadeth, but he was happy. What's different from Dave's story? He changed his Values Measured life with different metrics rather than that of Fame and Glory. And decided what was more important to him was a big loving family, a stable marriage and a simple life.