Sab·o·teur

Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

The first time I heard the saboteur was after a particularly grueling day the first week of Bright Line Eating, "You should have some chocolate," it said. "You deserve chocolate."

"No!" I screamed back, I don't want chocolate.

This dark voice continued throughout the beginnings of my Bright Line Eating journey. Always there, always present, always waiting to throw me under the bus, derail my train.

And I wondered, why is this voice so persistent? Why is this darkness a part of me?

The answer came when someone posted a comment about how maybe, just maybe this darkness, this saboteur isn't trying to sabotage you. Maybe, it's just trying to help, the only way it knows how.

WHAT? SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! NO FREAKING WAY! That voice, the one saying I should have chocolate isn't trying to derail me, it's trying to comfort me.

Can't be true. Could it? The saboteur reared it's ugly voice as we were driving away from my girls. I was sad and as we drove past my favorite fast food joint the voice said, "Look, you'd love to eat that. Think of all the happy times you had there with your girls."

Instead of telling my saboteur to shut up, I replied, "Yes, we had some good memories there, the food, well it's not as yummy as the stuff I've got planned for lunch, but thank you for trying to help."

The voice quieted. Every time it has tried to "help" since I've kindly thanked it and suggested something that works for how I'm living now.

And you know what, the other day, I was feeling kind of sad and the voice said, "Why not a yogurt parfait with nuts?" Can I say I was shocked? Like totally shocked? I rearranged my lunch and added a yogurt parfait with nuts (totally BLE compliant).

So instead of calling that voice a saboteur, why not call it an old friend who doesn't really understand what you are trying to do. A friend you can help to understand what you need by explaining what you want and need now.