Hand in Hand Tools

The Hand in Hand Program is an attachment-based, emotion-focused, resiliency-building program that strengthens the parent-child bond, supports emotional intelligence, and enhances developmental competency using five concrete caregiving practices. They are simple and accessible, yet revolutionary in a society where protection from overwhelming parenting circumstances is inadequate.

Special Time: You set an amount of time to shine the light of your love and care on your child while they choose what you will play and do together.  It fills their connection "cup" so that your love can nurture the development of their hearts and minds. It promotes flexibility and compliance.  Link to Special Time article. 

Staylistening: This is the tool we use for listening to emotional upsets. We move close and listen, as the name suggests, without trying to change how the child expresses their feelings, but we do make sure that everyone is safe.  When we trust that a natural and healing process is taking place, children's emotional expression will usually follow an arc and when they come down the other side your happy, flexible child will be back.  Link to Staylistening article. 

Setting Limits: It is our job as parents to set limits on unworkable behaviors, to offer the gift of "no".  We do this by bringing the limit, rather than commanding it.  This means we move in close and simply stop the problematic behavior and then we listen (staylistening) as the backlog of feelings that were driving the unworkable behavior will have an opportunity to come out.  Link to Setting Limits article.

Playlisting: We listen to the emotions while playing with the behavior.  What this looks like is allowing, in play, a child to be stronger, smarter, faster than you. We follow the laughter (without tickling) because laughter is bonding and because it permits emotional release in a safe, playful way.  Link to Playlistening article. 

Listening Partnerships for Parents: This is an adult-to-adult tool. The above four are adult-to-child tools.  In listening partnerships, we avail ourselves of the warmth and care of an adult listener who commits to not giving advice and who will hold our goodness, and our child's goodness, foremost in their mind as they listen.  Then we switch so that both adults get time.  What we find is that parents who are able to shed their worries, fears, tears, and frustrations, and think through their challenges with another adult are better able to bring their best selves to their children.  Link to Listening Partnerships article.