REINVENTING PRIESTHOOD: MY TRANSITION FROM CLERIC TO MARRIED PRIEST

Pat Callahan

Seattle, WA

In many ways, I’m sure my own journey shares many elements common to the 50% of ordained priests in the U.S. who have by age 60 resigned from active ministry, primarily to marry. As an oldest child of a devout Catholic home, the statistics made me a good candidate for the seminary or convent. The 1950’s favored entry into the seminary right after grade school, and so it was at the tender age of 14 that I responded to a sense of being called to Priesthood and began the minor seminary for the Archdiocese of Seattle. 12 years later I was ordained at age 25 and began 15 years of active ministry. Priestly ministry was exciting with an impressive energy level and vitality among the younger clergy. The Church was alive with the challenges of Vatican II, and despite the setback of the encyclical Humanae Vitae which was issued two months after my ordination in 1968, there was much to look forward to. I had generally good assignments for the seven years I served as associate pastor. In 1975 I was named the youngest pastor in the Archdiocese and was sent to a large parish which was on the point of closing the school due to enrollment problems and poor finances. Assumption Parish, Bellingham was an exciting setting for a newly minted young pastor. Due to clergy shortage even then, I served my 800 families without an associate for a year and a half, but the people were very responsive to a fresh vision of parish. School enrollment soared, the parish debt was paid, the extensive but aged parish facilities were renovated. I left the parish after six years with expanded ministries for a parish community which had grown by 30%. The parish was unencumbered by debt, had upgraded facilities, and $200,000 in savings. My next pastorate brought me to St. Vincent de Paul Parish in suburban Seattle where I was able to substantially reduce the parish debt, renovate the church, and streamline operations in the 18 months I served as pastor. At the same time I was able to serve Archbishop Hunthausen at the archdiocesan level as chair of the budget committee for the Archdiocese as well as President of our internal bank.

Meanwhile, of course, there were personal agenda’s to be dealt with. The all male seminary environment had substantially arrested personal development on many levels. I was fascinated by women and had many adolescent issues to be worked through. As I reached my 40^th birthday, the issue of intimacy and a “companion for the life journey” became more pressing as I experienced loneliness and restlessness. I explored these issues through counseling, and then I resigned my pastorate and took a sabbatical and then a leave of absence. The issues involved were shared with many friends through a seven page letter I sent when I had reached a decision to resign from active ministry in early 1984. The following passage captures the primary theme:

“In a sense the past few years have been a beautiful evolution very consistent with gospel values as well as healthy human development characteristics of the male middle years. I have sensed an expanded need for an affective life with the love and companionship of a wife. In the face of that primary need, former support systems, as meaningful as they were in the past, were simply not adequate. In one sense, as I say, a beautiful development. But from a practical point of view, as a man of 40 who has spent 27 of his years in the context of seminary and active ministry and loved his Priesthood – it was a bummer !!! Why this awful struggle between two obvious live giving values…Love and Priesthood? How to resolve it? Ultimately I came to accept that what people needed most in me as a priest is a whole and holy man, and not a man running away from himself and needs very central to his own healthy well-being. I know that I have many personal qualities that would enable me to continue to “perform” as an effective pastor, even with my personal needs unresolved. Yet I also know that I could not provide the basic love and nurturing needed by others with my own needs unmet. We had a Latin expression in the seminary:” Nemo dat quod non habet”…..”No one can give what he does not have”. To be an authentic minister and giver to others, you have t have your own needs met. As I reflect on the ranks of my own fellow priests, I see so many very good and courageous men who persevere and attempt to minister as they experience progressively inadequate support and nurturing in their own lives. The toll this struggle takes is tragic. For some there is the ability to maintain a façade of contentment that masks an expanding personal void. For others there the well-known symptoms of their own personal emptiness in the form of cynicism, arbitrary authoritarianism, clinical aloofness, or various forms of escapism including dependency on alcohol or drugs.”

That same Farewell Discourse went on to describe my new partner in life, my soon to be wife Julie. Julie was a recently divorced mother of two and had served on my staff at St. Vincent de Paul as director of children’s ministries. Like many other resigned priests, I found someone who shared my love of ministry and had the chance to be a friend and fellow minister before romance blossomed., In my letter I state:

“Julie has been a tremendous person in accepting the struggle I have been dealing with, respecting my need for “space” at times, and very sensitively refusing to exert pressure on the choice I alone could make regarding leaving active ministry. I prize and love her for her remarkable patience with me in that regard as well as her warm, loving personality that also makes her so effective in ministry. She compliments my own personality beautifully in outgoing, buoyant and tenderly sensitive ways. She has demonstrated a tremendous tolerance for my own weaknesses, especially in this long process of discernment, and at the same time is a great stimulus for my own growth. Life will never be dull with Julie, and perhaps the solitude of celibate living will seem attractive to me at times in the future !! But Christ said that he came that we might have life – and abundantly !! This whole journey has challenged me to wrestle with the realities of life and challenge of growth. I look forward to experiencing life more fully with Julie as my lover and companion. Julie has two sons, Jeff who is 18 and Todd who is 15. They will add a family dimension in sharing our home initially and as they continue to relate to us in later years.”

The journey over the 36 years since that letter has been an exciting one. From a career standpoint I have worked in Public affairs, managed a retirement center, and served as a real estate appraiser. None of those new careers brought me the satisfaction I experienced as a pastor. Over the years I have been “called” to a new ministry as an ecumenical officiant for weddings and funerals that has been very fulfilling (www.weddingpriestseattle.com). I have also served as a mentor for other local resigned priests engaging in this new ministry.

All through this journey, life has been richer thanks to the building relationship with my wife Julie. I learned very quickly how naïve I had been about family dynamics, and I was embarrassed by my sense of prowess as a “family counselor’ in my days as a pastor as I experienced the true dynamics “up close and personal” in our own home. It was much easier to pontificate from behind a desk in the rectory parlor than to try to live out my own advice in the front trenches at home with 2 teenage sons !! I have a whole new reverence for the goodness of people and the generosity of parishioners who deal with all the demands of job and family and still give so much time and energy to their Church.

Julie and I have been active in the parish close to where we live and she served as Pastoral Associate for Adult and Family Ministry in a nearby parish for over 20 years. As a couple we were involved in launching and coordinating a local group of 110 resigned priests, the SEATTLE GROUP shortly after we were married and I have served as its Coordinator ever since. For 8 years I served as a board member for CORPUS, the national association for a married priesthood. I have also been involved nationally with CITI (Celibacy Is The Issue) another national organization encouraging resigned priests to respond to pastoral needs here and now. 20 years ago I also helped launch a local chapter of CALL TO ACTION, a church reform group which has grown to over 300 members (www.ctaww.org) and has brought many outstanding national reform/renewal speakers to Seattle. I was also able to organize 64 of our SEATTLE GROUP of resigned priests to sign a letter supporting Marriage Equality during the campaign on that issue in the fall of 2012. We gave witness as priests to a more enlightened view of the issue of same sex marriage than the obstinate campaign opposing it by the local bishops. Catholic locally and around the nation voted their own convictions, not the bishops’ agenda and Gay Marriage passed in all 4 states where it was on the ballot.

I appreciate this opportunity to share my story about Reinventing Priesthood because I feel it is replicated in part by so many of the tens of thousands of resigned priests around the world. They have continued to bring a priestly spirit to others in many ways and at times a revised ministry and are a witness to the potential for a married Priesthood for the Catholic Church.

Pat Callahan

In reading my summary of these events, I see that I have not captured the extent of pain involved in this evolution. It was a wrenching decision to leave active ministry, and the years of transition have presented many challenges. My choice has nevertheless been ultimately a life-giving one. There are so many men who, like myself, have blended the sacraments of Holy Orders and Matrimony and have a tremendous gift to offer a Church so in need of dynamic pastoral leadership. It is tragic that until Pope Francis our recent popes have been so closed to that opportunity despite the acute shortage of priests and the clear support for a return to a married priesthood on the part of 80% of active Catholics.

As I view my own personal journey, I feel that a married priesthood would not only solve the shortage of priest problem, but would provide a greatly enhanced priestly ministry for all Catholics. I always identify my service as a Catholic priest in my ecumenical wedding and funeral ministry. Over and over again at the thousand plus weddings I have conducted or the hundreds of funerals, I have had Catholics, active and inactive, express their appreciation for my current ministry as well as their hope that the church will open up Priesthood to men and women, single and married. I can witness personally that I would be a much more effective and compassionate pastor now than I was as a single person. And in looking at the 110 resigned priests in our SEATTLE GROUP I know that this is true of them as well. Reinstating married priests along with opening priesthood to men and women, single or married, would tremendously enrich the Church and its ministries.

Patrick Callahan

928 33^rd Ave

S. Seattle, WA 98144

(206) 329-1234

revcall@aol.com