John P. Wentland

MY JOURNEY FROM THE BEGINNINGS to NOW: From here to there and back again (not really)...and now here

For the much abbreviated version, please click here

The journey of life is mystery--more to be experienced for its being deeply significant than to be solved for its puzzlement, a problem to be worked out. It is mystery because, reflecting back on events, the journey reveals moments so profoundly deep and so imbued with meaning that fathoming them entails reflecting on them again and again, turning them over in heart and mind, like the Gospel tells us Mary did. At each return to pondering, something new and full of wonder is discovered. In that sense, as someone once described it, mystery is a child sifting the sands of the seashore through a screen. As each bucketful passes through the sieve, the child delights in finding a shell, or a piece of driftwood or a piece of glass worn smooth by the motion of sand and sea—a jewel in the eyes of the child, something capturing attention. The gathered treasures inspire a sense of wonder and marvel so strong the child has to take them home after the beach experience. And, once home, they are placed on the shelf to be admired. As time goes by, those special gifts from sea take on new meaning each time the child spies them—now not just beach treasures—they bring the child warm memories of that vacation by the sea, with grandparents and uncles, aunts, and cousins. Mystery endows ordinary things with a sense of marvel, a wonder, so deep, so profound, so full of meaning that we, like the child seeing the beach items, find something new in the ordinary events of life each time we come back to thinking about them—day after day after day sifting through the mysterious for the continuously new and marvelous revelation of the discoveries that are to be found there.

What follows is my story of mystery unfolding.

SIFTING THROUGH THE EVENTS

On March 31, 1963, I sat in the large classroom, referred to as “The Aula” of Mt. St. Mary of the West Seminary, in Norwood, Ohio, on the eve of ordination to subdiaconate, listening with the others in the class to the rector, Msgr. Joseph Schneider, explain the significance of the document we were about to sign. The declaration stated that we are aware that, by accepting ordination to subdiaconate, a step in the process toward ordination to the priesthood, I was committing myself to a life of celibacy. I had turned 25 two months earlier.

Before that day, I had been in a long dialogue with myself about my celibacy. At the time, I wouldn’t have put it that way. In fact, if I were to have acknowledged any dialogue at all at that time, I’d have had to admit that the inner conversation was more intellectual than emotional. After 12 years of seminary training in a male-dominated context, celibacy and other such matters sexual were relegated either to the confessional in the internal forum or to ethereally spiritual talks during retreats or moral theology classes in the external forum.

Long before that moment in major seminary, I’d said as early as my first communion in 1944 that I wanted to be a priest. This early vocational thought may have been because of the example of the assistant pastor at St. Peter Church, Rockford, Father Ray Eipers, I’m not sure. I know no one talked me into it. It was my own choice. All through grade school, I’d thought of no other calling than being a priest. And at that early age, I had no idea about how I would accomplish that. And in those early days, I was too young to consider the aspect of celibacy.

And since my adolescent life was spent in a seminary context, while I never really excluded girls from my life, I was never intent on pursuing a relationship with a girl as I grew up. Oh sure, I had crushes on classmates Kay Eager and Shirley Koelker in eighth grade. But they probably didn’t even notice me, shy as I was. And I had a soft spot for Pam Gee during my summer vacation in first year of high school, but she knew the calling I was pursuing. So I never entertained those feelings since I had another goal in mind that didn’t include relationships with girls.

My brother Tom, two years ahead of me in high school, had a penchant for seeing to it that I didn’t live a sheltered life regarding the rest of the world—including girls—outside the seminary. To him I was still his little brother Jack. I suspect making sure I was aware of the real world was his motive in exposing me to “real life” by inviting me to join him at a party during Christmas vacation from the seminary in 1953, my sophomore year. That boy-girl party would become my closest encounter with girls up to that time.  Though it sounds totally outdated today, the party included what was described in those days as a parlor game called “Spin the Bottle.” For those who wonder what such an archaic activity might be, this game involves one person, ominously pointed at by the bottle, to go into a closet. The next spin of the bottle indicated which person—of the opposite sex—would go into the dark closet to meet the one waiting there—the expectation being a resulting kiss. I have to say I enjoyed the party and the game. It was the first time I kissed a girl. And as a relatively shy adolescent, I found this first such boy-girl party a lot of fun. I still remember that first kiss in the dark. I didn’t ever know the name of the girl, who was a really good kisser, but I always knew my goal was clear.

Later on in college, there was the talk by the spiritual director before vacation that always brought stifled snickers from the young audience. The talk, termed from time immemorial by the creative among the listeners as the “Punch-and-Judy Talk,” presented the injunctions against drinking and associations with girls during summer vacation. The exchange of silent smiles among us indicated the lack of seriousness or maturity with which the talks were received. But while, as a docile seminarian serious about my goal of ordination in those days, I recognized the intent of such counsel, the tenor of those talks always seemed so negative and, later, so simplistic—as if a talk, no matter how serious the consequences of ignoring the counsel they contained, is going to have any impact on behavior. The works of Maslow and Skinner had not made their way into the seminary guidance preparation of that day. 

No one ever talked about what sort of activities they had during vacation that involved girls. It was not a subject to share.

STUDIES

I’d never considered myself anything but an average student. I’d always achieved C and above in most courses, including Latin. Couldn’t say the same for Math. Though numbers were not my thing, I got along. In college years in Philosophy, I struggled. Philosophy text books in Latin were not a challenge. The profs at St. Mary of the Lake in Mundelein were Jesuits, and they followed the classic practice of giving Philosophy lectures in Latin. I had no trouble with the philosophy text book in Latin, but Bernard McMahon, S.J. (termed "The Silver Fox" by his students) took seriously his task of giving his lectures with their abstract thought in Latin. That left me with C’s and D’s. In addition, the final exam at the end of three years was an oral in Latin. I somehow made it through that experience. I always maintained I learned more about philosophy from John Walsh. S.J (known as "Mousy" among the students) in which lectures were in English than I did from "The Silver Fox." After those three years, I finished that last year of college with a 1.84 GPA--insufficient credits for an undergraduate degree. I remember being called to a private appointment in the office of Msgr. Malachy Foley, the rector, who told me of that fact. The lack of credits seemed more important to him than to me. My simple desire was to get ordained, not be a scholar. He made no suggestions as to how to remedy the deficit of credits.

Recognizing the challenge I would face with theology lectures in Latin if I remained at Mundelein, I requested from Bishop Loras Lane a transfer for my theological studies to a seminary where lectures were offered in English. The request for this was carried out by communication from the Chancery without any further input from me.

Someone in the chancery found a seminary in Ohio offering theology lectures in English. The condition the rector of Mt. St. Mary of the West, Cincinnati, Msgr. Joseph Schneider, gave the secretary of the bishop as condition for my being accepted there was an obligatory remedial class in Latin. That conversation was being carried out by Chancery personnel. Had I been part of the conversation, I would have responded to Joe Schneider's condition that “If this student has difficulty with Latin, we would accept him only if he completes a summer course in Latin.” My response would have been, “Monsignor, I don’t have difficulty with Latin; it’s that I want to be able to learn theology in lectures offered in my first language. And if I’m to be effective after ordination, I think it’s important that I have the opportunity to learn the sacred sciences that way.” But I didn’t have the opportunity to be part of that conversation, so I was told there was a summer course available that had already started.

So in the middle of June the summer of 1959, I left my summer job at the Valspar Paint Company plant and made arrangements to travel to Conception Abbey in Missouri to join a summer Latin course that was already in its first week. Because of the concerns of my parents about the distance and the conveyance, a classmate from Mundelein volunteered to drive with me in my 1931 Model A Ford—complete with rumble seat—to Conception Abbey where there was an intensive course especially for those who felt called to ministry late in life, termed in those days as "delayed vocations." The 30 or so of us came for various reasons from all over the Midwest. Beyond the reason for my being there, this was a great time getting immersed in Benedictine liturgical spirituality. Because of my extensive background in Latin—five years of studying Latin in minor seminary and three years of Philosophy with texts and lectures in Latin—I was finishing my intensive Latin class assignments quickly and was asked by Fr. Martin Becker, OSB, the teacher, to assist him.

There were a couple of benefits I received from this course—part of the mystery: the advantage of getting an appreciation of their spirit in overcoming obstacles to responding to the call to priesthood. Among them was Stan Rother whom I had occasion to mentor in Latin. Stan was from Oklahoma. Stan stood out in my memory. He was really serious about the calling he had received late in life. He was 25 years old. And I remember his expressing his doubts to me saying something to the effect,”How will I ever make it to getting ordained if I can’t get this Latin stuff. I know God is calling me to priesthood, but this Latin…” One day after class when we’d already been in session for over a month, he was sharing his frustration. “You don’t know how lucky you are to get this stuff. If I can’t get it, how will I ever get ordained.” I wonder if he thought of that after completing the translation of the New Testament into the dialect of the Tzutujil people. And even more, I wonder how he reacted to the Vatican changes in the Liturgy and the move to the vernacular. He had been ordained in his home diocese of Oklahoma City on May 25, 1963 (the same day as my ordination...part of the mystery). FIve years later he accepted a call for missionaries to serve in Santiago Atitlan, Guatemala. After twelve years there beloved by the people, Stan was assassinated by the military July 28, 1981. I can only imagine his response as easy as the Oklahoma drawl of this mild-mannered farm boy who is now being considered, though he would never accede to it, a blessed martyr! In 2016 his death was adjudged one 'for the faith" allowing him to be considered a martyr. In 2019 he was beatified. His cause for canonization in in process. 

Following the crash Latin "refresher" course in 1959, I transferred from St. Mary of the Lake, Mundelein to Mt. St. Mary of the West, Cincinnati, referred to as ”The Rock” by seminarians'—though having experienced both the Lake and the Mount—I contest which is more of a "Rock." Leaving the grounds of St. Mary of the Lake was near impossible, whereas at “The Mount” there were regular off-campus activities during those 4 years: going skating at the Cincinnati Gardens (Home of the Cincinnati Bengals) to the annual “Fort Myers Day” outing.

Any student from a “non-feeder” seminary—one from whom students are not normally accepted—upon arrival at the Mount, was required to take a Latin Proficiency Exam. As I received the test, I recognized an excerpt from the first chapter of the Theology text we’d just had a week earlier and some other basic words and sentences from the philosophy text book. I finished this written test with no great difficulty. 

Only after being passed over for ordination through the years of theology: refused tonsured in Feb, 1963, minor and major orders in the ensuing years and minor orders for four years did I discover that the rector held me back not because of grades, but because of his suspicion that I had changed seminaries for some other reason. The student body rumor was that Joe considered himself an amateur psychologist, often, among other analyses, looking for ulterior motives in the students. 

As a result I received tonsure on March 7, 1963, received all the minor orders and subdiaconate, was a deacon for a day and "priested" May 25, all within three months [so much for the canonical requirement of intersticies]. The story is that Joe Schneider held off ordination until, in January, 1963, Loras T. Lane—our bishop at the time—demanded to know whether he was "going to ordain this man or not." That and my becoming a "90-day wonder" (defined by Merriam-Webster as "a person commissioned as an officer in one of the armed services after 90 days or a relatively short length of training) is one I continue to treasure. 

SUMMARY OF THE ROAD TO ORDINATION AS PRIEST AND BEYOND

February 22, 1963 Notification of date of Ordination to Priesthood—May 25, 1963

March 7, 1963 Received Tonsure.

March 9, 1963 Ordination to First Minor Orders: Lector and Acolyte.

March 23, 1963 Ordination to Second Minor Orders: Exorcist and Porter

March 31, 1963 Ordained Sub-deacon, Ss. Peter and Paul Church, Norwood.

May 23, 1963 Ordained Deacon, Ss. Peter and Paul Church, Norwood.

May 25, 1963 Ordained Priest, St. James Pro-Cathedral, Rockford with John Cahill, Bob Willhite, Mel Vlasz, John Mitchell, by Bishop Loras T. Lane, fourth Bishop of Rockford.

June 13, 1963 Assigned by Bishop Loras T. Lane to St. Nicholas Church, Aurora, to serve as Assistant Pastor to Rt. Rev Msgr. Magnus A. Schumacher, Pastor, with Rev. Phillip Kennedy.

June 16, 1963 Celebration of first Baptism: Armando Villareal, son of Quirino Villareal and Grios Bartolla, sponsors: Francisco Saltijeral and Paula (Sanchez) Saltijeral.

August 24, 1964 Assigned to teach sophomore Religion class in 1964-65 school year, Madonna High School, Aurora.

August 23, 1965 Transferred by Bishop Loras T. Lane to be Assistant Pastor at St. Monica Church, Carpentersville, to Rev. Thomas W. Neville, as associate Pastor with Bob Williams and Al Neumann

June 28, 1968 Upon recommendation of Personnel Board (Rev. David E. Beauvais, secretary), transferred by Bishop Arthur J. O’Neill to St. Patrick Church, Rochelle, as Associate Pastor to Rev. Frank Kennedy

June 3, 1970 Upon recommendation of the Personnel Board, transferred to St. Theresa Church, Aurora, by Bishop Arthur J. O’Neill as Associate Pastor to Rev. Herman Porter, and to assist in the apostolate for the Spanish-speaking and Diocesan and Deanery Task Force for Urban Problem

February  – June, 1971 Studying Spanish, Berlitz School of Languages, Hinsdale

July – August, 1971 Study-Vacation of 6 weeks in Mexico City, Salvatierra, Guanajuato, and Monterrey, Mexico

February 15, 1972 Assigned as Associate in the Diocesan Apostolate for the Spanish-speaking, with offices at 1025 W. State—Catholic Charities—and residence at Mt. St. Francis Rectory, 5410 E. Springbrook Road, Rockford, with Rev. Charles W. McNamee

February 19, 1972 Celebration of Eucharist for first time in Spanish, St. Mary Church, Rockford

August 23, 1972 Recommended by Personnel Board (Richard W. Paddock, secretary) 

to offer Eucharist on weekdays at St. Elizabeth Convent, and on

week-ends at St. James Church, Belvidere

April, 1973 Concelebration on Holy Thursday as 10th year jubilarian

June 21, 1973 Letter from Bishop O’Neill to change residency to Post-Conciliar Center

October 16, 1973 Recommendation to Bishop O’Neill to move from Post-Conciliar Center to Boylan High Rectory (later rescinded)

August 9, 1974 Appointed Spiritual Director of the Diocesan Cursillo Movement

August, 1974 Rev. Ivan Rovira granted excardination to Diocese of Brownsville, Texas

October 15, 1974 Confirmation of residence at Centro Cristo Rey, 315 N. Root  St., Aurora

August 23, 1976 Petition granted for change of residence to Seton Center, 921 W. State St., Rockford

Dec. 26, 1976 - Jan. 21, 1977 Vacation in Mexico: Puebla-Cholula, Cuernavaca (murals), Guadalajara-Chapala, Taxco, Mexico City (Teotihuacan), attended jubilee of Misioneras de Guadalupe at National Shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe with Maria del Rosario Carlos, met with

Father Herman Porter

February 9 – 27, 1979 Visit to Colombia, Bogotá, Pereira, Cali and Manizales

April 1981 - June 1982 Residence at 1217 N. Court Street, Rockford, 

March, 1981 to March 1982 DePaul University, Latin American Studies Program, residency at St. Clement Rectory Rev. John Fahey, pastor,  642 Deming Place, Chicago, with welcome letter from by John Cardinal Cody, Archbishop of Chicago

March 15, 1982 Evaluation of Diocesan Ministry

June 15, 1982 Bachelor of Arts with high honors, in Latin American Studies

August, 1982 Right shoulder dislocation resulting from being run into by another biker and surgery

Oct. 3 –Nov. 9, 1982 Meeting arrangements with Rev. Bob Hoffman, Director of Personnel Board and Bishop O’Neill

Feb.1,1983 – Jan. 31, 1984 First Period of Leave of Absence from the Diocese, with month of February as consultant to Edgard and Ignacia Beltrán, successors I recommended for coordinators of Spanish-speaking Apostolate Office (Centro Sembrador), Rockford.

Jan. 31-July 31, 1984 Second period of Leave of Absence

Aug.1, 1984 -- July 31, 1985 Third Period of Leave of Absence

Aug.1, 1985 -- July 31, 1986 Fourth Period of Leave of Absence

August 5, 1986 Preliminary Hearing for Petition for Laicization canonically convened, The Revs. Thomas G. Doran, J.C.L., presiding, Charles W. MacNamee, J.C.L., witness, and David D. Kagan, J.C.L., secretary, at the Diocesan Office of the Tribunal, 1090 N. Main Street, Rockford.

July 1, 1987 Notice of termination of diocesan health and hospitalization insurance coverage in a letter from the Vicar for Clergy and Religious, Bob Hoffman—the only indication that I was no longer connected to the diocese.

THE “HERE”—ASSIGNMENTS IN THE DIOCESE: the call to learn Spanish

With the completion of ordination, I began my public ministry. I served in four parishes—urban, suburban and rural—and was named to the Diocesan Urban Task Force, whose task was to determine how diocesan funds could address the needs of the most deprived in the diocese. During the whole of seminary, I had no idea of the Spanish-speaking population of the diocese of where the people lived. A classmate at the Mount impressed me that he had worked with migrant families teaching catechism to the children as he observed conditions in which families lived as they harvested the food for court tables. I wondered if there were Spanish-speaking families or migrant families in our diocese. Hmmm, simple-minded me. Again, part of the mystery

 In each of those 4 parish settings, I found Spanish-speaking families with whom I attempted to communicate.

The first Baptism: My first assignment at St. Nicolas Church, Aurora, was with an almost 80-year-old Vatican I pastor. I was a fresh-from-the-seminary 25-year-old Vatican II priest. We were in two distinct worlds. I was fortunate to have as fellow associate a 35 year old priest, Phil Kennedy, with whom I could make regular reality checks.  

The first Sunday at the parish I was to perform baptisms. This was before the regular practice of pre-Baptismal session were expected for couples seeking to baptize that children. Parents would just show up at the appointed time on the Sunday afternoon to have their child baptized. So on June 16, 1963, came the parents of Armando Viarreal, Quirino Villareal and Gris Bartolla, sponsors: Francisco Saltijeral and Paula (Sanchez) Saltijeral. I was really disappointed that I could not speak their first language. For their part, they were content to have the "padrecito" baptize their little Armando. The ceremony was still conducted in Latin, but commentary could be made by the priest in English. That wouldn't work here. So I managed to invite them during the ceremony to pray the “Padre Nuestro” even though I couldn’t pray in Spanish with them. The family was appreciative. They went away happy to have me as the priest to carry out the baptism of their child, even though I did not speak their first language. 

This was the first of four indications that I needed to learn Spanish. One of the grade school kids was delighted that I asked his help to begin learning the language. He was proud to be able to teach the Padre.

This first indication that I needed to learn Spanish was, again, part of the mystery.

At St. Monica’s, Carpentersville, I would again encounter families whose first language was Spanish. Being invited to have dinner with them was an honor, but I struggled to communicate. But for their part, having the padrecito" come to their home filled them with humble pride.

Again, the message…learn Spanish!  Again, part of the mystery.

At St. Patrick Church, a rural parish in Northern Illinois, while visiting with migrant farm workers in the run-down shacks provided their families as living quarters just outside of Rochelle I started active work for justice and peace in 1969 by supporting Cesar Chavez’s United Farm Workers. I knew I couldn’t dine comfortably at the rectory table on the fruits of the labor of these people—asparagus in the Spring and tomatoes in the Fall—while they worked under such squalid conditions. I began to assist the Lee-Ogle Migrant Council and was named secretary. In that capacity, I joined with a local group carrying placards reading “Don’t Buy Grapes” in front of the busy Jewel  store in my hometown of Rockford, just 25 mile north of Rochelle. 

During this time I would again attempt to learn Spanish, on my own without formal classes. Again, part of the mystery

At St. Theresa Church from June, 1970 to February 1972, I lived and worked in this Aurora parish originally established as an expansion of the Luxumberger parish, St. Nicholas, now with a majority Hispanic population. I was also assigned to serve on the Diocesan and Deanery Task Force on Urban Problems. Again I attempted to learn Spanish on my own. Again, part of the mystery.

BEING CALLED TO SERVE IN HISPANIC MINISTRY.

While I was associate at St. Therese’s, I finally came to fulfill the call to learn Spanish. In January, 1971, John Jones— recently returned from work in the diocesan mission in Chulucanas, Peru and named by Bishop Lane as the first Director of the Spanish Speaking Apostolate—approached me with a question about my serving in the Spanish Speaking Apostolate. Though I was interested, I told him—similar to Moses and young Elias in the scriptures—“But I don’t speak Spanish.” He said he could see that I was enrolled in classes. After a four month crash course in Spanish through Berlitz School of Languages in Hinsdale, Illinois, I traveled alone to Mexico for a six-week-long immersion in culture and language. Having to get along with speaking only Spanish was a challenge I welcomed, though I was not conversant with speaking in any tense but the present. 

By February, 1972, a mere four months after my return from Mexico, I was assigned to lead the Spanish Speaking Apostolate. On February 7, 1972, I was to replace Father John Jones. He had confided in me that he was leaving the diocese to return to Peru in the Action Program (the new name of the Peace Corp which had lost its cred with the Peruvian government) and intended to marry a woman he had worked with there. I had become Associate Director of an office without a director. The office was later to become the Diocesan Office of Hispanic Ministry. This was the beginning of a renewed time of ministry for me. After nine years in parish work, the years adding up to thirteen in Hispanic ministry were the most rewarding of my canonical priesthood. At that beginning stage, there was only one native Spanish-speaking priest, a Ecuadorean Jesuit, Father Armijo Suarez, hired by the pastors of Aurora. The next years started with contacting a younger newly-ordained Cuban-born priest, Ivan Rovira, and being joined by Phil Reilly. who had returned from the diocesan mission in Chulucanas, Peru. After close to eight years there, Phil had a greater command of the language. Together we built a team of 6 mostly Anglos, ending with a team of 12 over 11 years—90% Hispanic—and creating a diocesan-wide Hispanic council connecting six major Hispanic-population cities was an accomplishment very much in line with the USCCB Office of Hispanic Affairs and the Encuentro movement across the country. Many looked at our work as a model for Hispanic ministry.  

At that time, according to U.S. Census figures, the Hispanic population of the eleven county diocese was 96,000. The urban-suburban-rural Rockford diocese stretches across northern Illinois from the outskirts of Chicago to the Mississippi River. The major Hispanic population centers were, Aurora, Elgin, Rockford, Sterling and McHenry County. Serving in the capacity of Co-director, I had, by the time I left that post in 1985, assisted in building a team that was 90% Hispanic. The most gratifying work as a team ministry was the gradual process of training members of four major population areas dispersed around the diocese into a regional council of representatives that met monthly to share concerns and seek and implement solutions.

A FULFILLING TIME OF MINISTRY

The work of the Office for Hispanic Pastoral during the years 1973 to 1983 brought together  a group of 10 of us. In those ten year, my appreciation of my ministry grew. 

IN 1977, a group of 10 of us formed a priest support group, meeting monthly with a Cenacle Sister who served as our facilitator and spiritual director. Yet I found that, as much as I loved those guys and looked forward to getting together with them, we never spoke about the challenges of living the celibate life. Yet I was beginning to discern that I was a relational person and felt called to something else, but to something in addition to priestly ministry. 

DEPAUL UNIVERSITY: Reentering the Academic World

In 1982, recognizing how much I’d received from the people I’d served for over 10 years, I made inquiries about how many credits I’d need to complete my undergraduate degree. 

Fr. Phil Reilly, who, after returning from the diocesan mission in Peru became one of my co-workers as  director of the Spanish Speaking Apostolate, knew the registrar at DePaul University. He introduced me to him, and after reviewing my transcripts, informed me that I’d need only three semesters of course work to complete my undergraduate degree. 

Later I met for lunch with Bernardine Pietraszek, coordinator of Latin American Studies Program at DePaul. Her enthusiastic response had me enrolled before we finished lunch. I began the academic year—March, 1981. I found residency during the week at St. Clement Rectory where John Fahey was pastor, and went home to weekend ministry in Rockford. During the summer, there were no courses that fit the program. By March, 1982, I’d graduated with a BA with high honors—a level of academic achievement I’d never experienced before. 

Shortly after completing my degree, I had a series of meetings with Bob Hoffman, Director of Personnel Board, to evaluate my ministry. In July 1982, I had moved to reside in the Bishop’s Residence with him so getting appointments would be relatively easy. Similarly I had opportunity to speak with Bishop O’Neill about my future. I had the occasion to reveal my thoughts about taking a leave of absence with 12 members of a support group we’d formed years earlier, making it a little easier to finally, with some difficulty and nervousness to reveal to Bishop O’Neill my desire to take that leave. His response was simple and respectful: “I’ll never understand anyone taking this step, but I’ll never stand in the way of anyone who wishes to make it.” 

Before leaving I recruited a Colombian couple to replace me. Edgard Beltran, a married priest—and his wife Ignacia were perfectly suited to continue the work in the diocese. He had been one of the architects of the Latin American pastoral process, working as secretary to CELAM (The Latin American Episcopal Conference) in preparing for the Medellin conference in 1968 and later in Puebla in 1979. 

Again, part of the mystery unfolds.

I made arrangement to leave my work in the diocese to begin my leave of absence on February 1, 1983.

LEAVE OF ABSENCE FROM THE DIOCESE

As my leave of absence began, I was hired as consultant to Edgard and Alicia for a month.  

The diocese, actually Art O'Neill, was generous in extending me a "six months leave" during which I was covered for healthcare. That period was extend three times to what added up to a 2-year leave of absence—over the objections of the Personnel Director—to allow that coverage to continue until I obtained full-time employment, which took a little longer in that recession period.

Interestingly, the bishop, Art O'Neill—who died in June 2013—was the assistant at St. James, Rockford, when I was in 4th to 7th grade there. And his successor as bishop of Rockford, Tom Doran, was a grade ahead of me at the grade school of the same parish and taught me "altar Latin" in preparation for being an altar boy. 

By March 18th, I was packed up and driving to Washington, DC. I stopped in Bowling Green to visit with my sister-law and nieces,  staying over night before heading out to DC. I was welcomed  by Tony Lutz and his wife to stay at their home until I  established a place to live. I had met Tony previously on a visit to DC in a gathering of married priests. By April 5th I found a room in a home in Vienna, VA.

Of great encouragement to me during my time in DC were married priests and their wives, among them 

Pat and Carl Hemmer and, Kathy and Joe Kerns. Meeting regularly with Hemmers, Kerns and others in “The Sunday Bunch” as they termed themselves, provided “church.” We gathered regularly for Eucharist followed by a meal each week. 

Also serving as models were Jan and Earl Ambre, both from the Rockford Diocese, she previously as principal of a high school where Earl has served as the priest in charge of Religious Education. They invited to a week end with them at their time-share in the Virginia Appalachians.  

Federal Employment: My plan had been to find employment in the government, and after a time of working part-time jobs to support my employment campaign, I was hired at the Department of Education where I worked in Graphic Production for two years. Kathy and Joe Kerns were instrumental in this when friend of theirs, a married former Christian Brother, was looking for someone to fill a position. That position was full time but without benefits, due to the Reagan freeze on hiring. Because there was not a chance of that position leading to full time with benefits during the present administration, I made plans to return to Illinois.  

I left DC and returned to Illinois in 1985 and temporarily stayed with my brother Stan and his wife Dorothy in Rockford. My mom had had a stroke earlier that year, and I helped out driving her to a senior daycare center. I had made connection with Deb and we were in communication as she went through a divorce.

A JOB OFFER and PETITION FOR LAICIZATION

I always held firmly to the conviction that, while I chose to leave the diocese, I never had the intention of leaving ministry.

In 1986, I interviewed with Andrew Duren, the personnel director of St. Anthony Hospital in Chicago. I was being considered as the candidate of choice for the position as of Director of Pastoral Services. I  informed Mr. Duren about my situation so he’d know that I would need to go through a process of petitioning for “laicization” so that the Archdiocese of Chicago would have no objections to hiring a resigned priest. I  wrote to Fr. Leroy Wichowski, director of the Archdiocesan Office of Health Affairs, seeking a meeting with him regarding this. I also made an appointment to meet with then-Fr. Tom Doran, head of the Diocesan Tribunal, along with the Fr. David Kagan (installed as Bishop of Bismarck, N.D. on November 30, 2011) and Fr. Charlie McNamee, who had been scout chaplain when I was a lad in Boy Scouts, and with whom I'd been chaplain at a Scout Cathoree in 1964. I completed the canonically convened audience with my statements. And having the peace of mind that this would make possible my employment at the hospital. I never received a response from Fr. Wichowski. I learned from Mr. Duren that the position was still in process. I was disappointed to learn from him later on that the position was filled.  

At the canonically convened hearing for the submission of my petition before the Diocesan Tribunal, with Fathers David Kagan as secretary, Charles McNamee as witness and Tom Doran as auditor, I made clear that “I am more convinced than ever that I am not called by God to celibacy, though I have no doubt as to my being called to ministry.” I continue to see my decision prompted by the response to the same God who called me to ministry now calling me to something in addition. Such wording on my petition was not acceptable to Tom because it would not “get a favorable response” from Rome. 

My forthright statement after discernment before God and made in conscience was more important than the response it would evoke from Vatican bureaucrats.

EMPLOYMENT POST DC

The recession of the 1980’s had not yet subsided by 1985 when I returned to Illinois from DC, so obtaining employment took until 1986 when I was chosen to serve as grant writer for Centro de Información y Progreso in Elgin, which led to being chosen as bilingual coordinator of the U.S. Homeless Job Training and Employment program, through Stewart B. McKinney funding at Elgin Community College. Within a year, I was promoted to Project Manager of the program, the only one of 32 national programs funded consecutively for the five-year lifespan of the project. Under my supervision, the program placed over 400 homeless in employment, more than half of whom were permanently employed. I was promoted to Director pro-temp of the program in the last year of funding.

Following that position, I was hired as project manager of a state-wide Scientific Literacy program, coordinating twenty three funded programs across the state—bringing together primary and secondary teachers from throughout the state in collaborative learning sessions, mutually beneficial to all participating teachers and their classes.

TO “THERE"

Marriage: In December, 1988, I wrote Bishop O’Neill to invite him to our wedding. Out of respect and as a friend, I wanted to let him know that, since there had been no response to my petition for laicization, I want him to hear it from me rather than from friends. I also made clear that “I fully believe and am convinced that the same God who called me to ordained ministry has called me also to marriage: the Spirit just has to wait until His intermediaries convey the message.” 

It was on January 15, 1989 that I married Deborah Keisler at a ceremony at the Episcopal Church of St. Chad, West Dundee. We had a connection there and the vicar, the Rev. Boynton, a friend I’d known since 1968, was happy to invite us to have our ceremony there presided over by a married priest Jim Lamie and his wife. 

Deb and I were serving as coordinators of Baptismal Preparation at St. Joseph Church of two years, assisting the pastor David Engbarth in offering sessions with parents in our home. We had good times. As a blended family including two pre-teen children from her previous marriage we had activities of travel and work. David served as our best man.

Further Employment: In 1994, I was hired as Executive Director of Centro de Información y Progreso. Shortly after being hired, I received a phone call from the prestigious foundation which funded a literary program in response to a proposal from the previous director. The caller wondered how the program was going. Talking to the board treasurer, I learned that the board struggled with an issue over misappropriation of grant funds under the previous executive director, a fact the board had neglected to share with me during the hiring process., despite my having asked the president if there was anything else I needed to know before accepting this position. They assured me that all was fine. I did my best to direct them about how to address this issue. However, my hands were tied regarding grant writing until the issue was resolved. They were not satisfied with my suggestions and decided to release me, offering the position to a staff member to replace me, thereby saving capital so they could buy the building and then sell it to move to more economic offices.

In 1995 I was hired, within a few months of leaving Centro de Información, as Project Coordinator of a grant program at Illinois Mathematics & Science Academy: Responsible for a state-wide education program for promoting science literacy at elementary and secondary level.

When the state ended the funding of the program, in 1998, I accepted a position as Lead Project Assistant with Western Electric-IBEW. I was the first to be hired in this position. That employment ended with the decision by the reps of the company and the union to end the position.

What happened to my Petition for Laicization? 

In September 1996, friends from Cursillo asked if I would offer a presentation during a weekend. In August, 1974 I had been assigned to serve as Spiritual Director of the Diocesan Cursillo Movement, and had made dozens of presentations on weekends and had served as Spiritual Director on five weekends. Knowing this, one of the leaders of the Cursillo in Spanish contacted to ask if I’d offer a presentation at a weekend in October. I referred that request to Tom Brady, Vicar General. The answer was that I should “answer in the negative” to the invitation, citing prohibition by canon law prohibiting a non-dispensed priest from ministering in the Church. I didn’t dispute the law, but Tom was not adverting to the fact of these talks being reserved to laymen and, as such, not “priest talks.” What was of more concern to me in his letter was his indication that “we have no record of a dispensation from your obligation of Holy Orders” and his asking if I had “seriously considered beginning the process….” With dismay and disappointment, I relayed his response to my cursillo friends and immediately wrote back to him that I had, indeed, made a petition to Rome ten years earlier. Along with he letter I enclosed the documentation attesting to that fact.

It was March 1997, when I wrote Tom again since he had not responded to my earlier letter. He responded with a phone call recorded on my answering machine, recommending I contact David Kagan. I wrote him in August. His letter in response indicated he was “to takeover the processing of your petition for laicization.” He also averred that he had “not had a great deal of time to study all the submissions and documentation accompanying the information in the file.” What was a revelation in that he wrote he ”can state that your petition was not submitted to Rome at or around the time you thought it had been.” He indicated that after the Labor Day holiday he will be “freer to devote more time to your case and shall be better able to give you a better assessment of what I think may be needed  before your petition is forwarded to Rome.

On September 3rd, I received a letter from Tom Doran indicating he was”dismayed” that my petition “has been waylaid,” adding that “Monsignor Kagen will expedite it and I will write Monsignor Ferrari in Rome to tell him of the circumstances that would prompt a quick review.”

Since I had received nothing from David Kagen, in January, 1998, becoming exasperated by being given the “run-around,” I wrote him to ask what’s happening. On that same date I wrote Tom Doran requesting a meeting with him and the other two principals and witnesses of my petition. That letter brought a response from Tom on January 30th indicating “Father Nelson will call you to arrange an appointment.”

That appointment was finally accomplished on February 11, 1998, with the three principals of the hearing process present. Tom Doran, now Bishop, explained that since the petition would have not received a positive response from Rome, he never submitted it. It had been sitting in the Diocesan file since August 5, 1986. 

Tom is a “Roman”—meaning he was educated at the North American Pontifical Seminary in Rome—and had served on the Holy Roman Rota Even just a few years after ordination, he knew about these things. It is curious to me that while in the process of petitioning, Tom had counseled me that I should write my petition in such a way that it reflected my concern that, if my petition was not granted, I was "in danger of losing my immortal soul" or words to that effect. And that meant that for fourteen years--though they considered that the destiny of my immortal soul was at stake--they had not considered that fact important enough to tell me the petition had never been sent. Since the "administrators" were not enthusiastic about submitting the petition and even less enthusiastic about informing me of the "non-submission," I had no qualms about demurring on the invitation Tom offered to "get it in order" and have my petition resubmitted. 

Following our meeting which included Msgr. Kagan and Msgr. McNamee, I wrote a 2-page letter on February 12th summarizing the conversation we had. In the letter declining his offer to “get things in order for submission to Rome” I wrote:

When taking my deposition on August 5, 1986, you counseled me that the only way to assure that this petition has a favorable outcome is for me to declare that I “cannot continue in the celibate clerical state and, at the same time, provide for the welfare of my immortal soul.” I could not say that then, nor can I in conscience say that at this time.

That condition, were it so important to this process in August, 1986, would, had you really believed it, be reason enough to handle this petition with the utmost of attention. But back then it was not important enough to the "bureaucrats who want to close the file" when the welfare of my immortal soul was at stake. If my spiritual welfare was not important enough to them to even inform me in writing that the petition was not being completed with testimony of witnesses nor even being considered for submission due to lack of necessary form, then how am I to believe this is important enough now. Even an objective observer would say that in this there is a dichotomy between practice and belief on the part of those charged with the responsibility of handling the process.

By this I stated my decision not to pursue the petition. He responded to the two questions, one regarding my involvement in the parish and in Cursillo. On the first, he said yes “as long as I did not make a demonstration of my experience as a priest of the diocese for 20 years.” On the second, he suggested that I decline invitations to assist with Cursillo.

His letter to me on February18, 1998 included this: 

“I am sorry that things so involved here that the matter that we discussed ‘fell though the cracks.’

I appreciate your kindly attitude towards all of that. Should you ever wish to resuscitate the issue, kindly let me know.” 

That the response included what appears to be an incomplete thought, or a typo, might indicate either an error by the scribe or a rush to make a hasty response to a matter not worthy of greater care. We’ll never know. The subject of the letter never came up in my subsequent conversations with him.

I find myself smiling about how this turned out when I review the correspondence surrounding these events—part of the mystery to which I referred at the beginning of my story. I am, then, what might have been called in previous times a "renegade priest" though I prefer to refer to myself as a non-laicized "freelance priest." Again, part of the mystery.

Divorce: After 10 years of marriage, we made a decision to seek couples counseling. During those sessions, she informed me that she was making a decision to establish a new relationship with a girl friend and would be divorcing me. I knew Deb was unhappy and had been for some time. She moved to her own room in March. Then moved out to live with a friend to establish a cause for not having to wait two years for the legal proceedings. She hired a lawyer friend and had papers served in July, 1999. 

Having discovered her sexual identity and having found a girlfriend, the divorce was completed on November 15, 1999.

Being in my 60’s, I found that interviewing for employment was becoming an uphill battle. Having years of management and administrative experience in not-for-profit and grant programs with a Masters in Management and Business made me too experienced and knowledgable to hire, read: costly benefits with too little future to see me in management in the organizations with which I interviewed. I satisfied myself with employment in retail in office supplies, advancing to supervisor within a couple years and the equivalent of manager after 4 years.

In 2002 I was asked by Father Pat Brennan to interview for the position of co-Director of Outreach and Service at Holy Family Church, Inverness, Illinois where I was attending. Sue and I actively worked together to establish a name for the office that better described its role: Service, Justice and Peace. He valued my background as a priest and had me serving there part-time for two years before funding needed to be cut. 

I continued my position in retail office supplies, now in a full-time capacity.

MINISTRY OF SOCIAL JUSTICE

Even with full-time employment, I continued a social justice ministry that had begun while I was in the diocese.

In the 1970’s, picketing chain stores during the United Farm Worker boycotts and serving the migrant community in the fields of Northern Illinois, my ministry has always included prompting the Gospel message of justice.

One manifestation of the social justice ministry--on the international level—I've continue is related to the closing of the School of the Americas/WHINSEC. http://www.soaw.org/

Related to that is coordinations the work of the Progressive Catholic Coaltion, a jointly sponsored effort. The Progressive Catholic Coalition has been gathering at the School of the Americas Watch (SOAW) each year since 2004. Six Catholic reform organizations continue to be contributing sponsors of the PCC each year. The coalition brings a justice-based Church-reform presence to the gathering of hundreds of activists from across the country at the School of the Americas Watch [SOAW] each year. From 2016 to 2018, that gathering took place at the U.S./Mexico border in Nogales, on both sides of the border wall.

The PCC has historically included these sponsoring organizations working for justice in Church and world: Association of Roman Catholic Women Priests (ARCWP), Call to Action-usa, CITI [Celibacy is the Issue-Community is the Intent] Ministries Inc., the Federation of Christian Ministries (FCM), CORPUS and Women’s Ordination Conference (WOC). This coalition was begun in 2004 by Mary Ann Cejka who asked if I’d continue the coordination in 2009. The work entailed arranging for an information  booth and the inclusive celebration of Eucharist by women and men priests during the November weekend. Two priests have given witness with Fr. Roy Bourgeois about the justice issue of the recognition of the call of the Spirit of women to priesthood. In past years, two priests—Jerry Zawada, OFM and Fr. Bill Brennan, S.J. have chosen to co-preside with Roman Catholic Woman Priest, Janice Sevre-Duszynska and others at a Eucharist attended by hundreds of participants in the weekend.

On the local level, I continued as an active member of community peace and justice groups for over 20 years with the Fox Valley Citizens for Peace and Justice in Elgin.

In Connecticut on the local level, I serve as a volunteer coordinator of communication for Mothers United Against Violence in Hartford. This group, founded in 2003, has conducted vigils at the sites of homicides in Hartford since that time. Its work has expanded since then to other services to the community, joining other organizations in providing meals to families.  

In addition I serve on the Committee for Social Justice of St Patrick-St. Anthony Church, Hartford, recognized locally for its work of justice. As a parish administered by Franciscans of the Holy Name Province, it carries out a ministry to the LGBTQ+ community as well as a ministry in which parishioners prepare and offer sandwiches and snacks at the door every day at 5:00.

MINISTRY OF MARRIAGE PREPARATION / WEDDING CELEBRATION

In 1987, friends of my fiancé asked me if I could preside at their wedding. I hadn’t really considered that, but after reflection and checking Illinois State Statutes, I assisted them in preparing their ceremony. And we celebrated it on September 12th. That was the beginning of the call to continue ministry.

Shortly after that, a few of my married priest friends in an intentional Eucharistic community which met regularly considered running an ad in the Chicago Wedding Magazine. The ad read: “Married Catholic Priests Available for Interfaith, Non-judgmental Weddings” with the contact info for our coordinator. The number of couples who contacted us was gratifying. Our coordinator, Ron Crowley Koch, saw to distributing the requests to us with measured equity so no one would have too many weddings. 

Many of these couples contacting us found themselves being told by pastors about the requirements with more canonical concern than pastoral care. All of us were committed to being of service and made clear the basis of our ministry was to bring a response to them like that of the Gospel Jesus to those who came to him: he never told them “No.” 

Since then, I have been asked by over 200 couples to serve as officiant of their weddings. The response was an indication of a calling God wanted us to respond to. 

For more on this ministry: click here 

And “BACK AGAIN”?

INTERVIEWING FOR A RETURN TO THE DIOCESE

After being divorced in 1999, at least twelve people who know my background as priest told me, “You could return to the diocese now, couldn’t you?” That, along with the providential diocesan administrative foul-up regarding the non-submission of my petition for laicization to the Vatican, had me discerning the possibility of discussing this possibility during an appointment with Bishop Tom Doran, the same, now Ordinary of the diocese, who served as auditor for my petition for laicization.

In preparation for the appointment, which I first requested on April 8, 2001, I had indicated the subject of the appointment I was seeking. After 5 months of exchanging letters with the Chancellor, Msgr. Glenn Nelson, I was finally granted an audience with Tom on July 10th.

The visit with Thomas George Doran was congenial and open. He’s not the authority figure to me he seems to be for others. I suppose that may be due to his having been in 6th grade when I was in 5rd grade at St. James in Rockford. He coached me as an altar boy in preparing the Latin responses: “Ad Deum qui laetificat juventutem meam” [and, I might add now, senectutem meam]. Once he’d reviewed my letter to him on  July  4. 2001, he began with a recognition that I had not been a burden to the diocese in my absence “. . . which is not true of some.”  He went on to comment on there being a process for this kind of reentry. “It’s not like the prodigal son with a roasted fattened lamb dinner. There’d be a time away in a retreat somewhere distant.” (Hmmmm, does this sound somehow parallel to the parable?)

I offered: Is that similar to what the Episcopal priests who come into union with Rome go through? “Now that’s one of those things that doesn’t make my job in this any easier. It’s easier for those on the outside to come in than for one of our own to return. There’s a double standard here.” I thought his response was a forthright admission. Not that that would  change anything, of course. I had a received confirmation of a follow-up appointment on September 6th to review the documents I sent him regarding the journaling I indicated in my letter to him of July 4th. And, of course, the Dissolution of Marriage decision from the civil court. 

All this is very interesting in the light of the rumors that Tom Doran might have been about to be going on from Rockford to elsewhere. Having completed theology at the North American in Rome, he was ordained December 20, 1961, assigned to St. Joseph Church, Elgin, as assistant pastor for one year and to St. Peter, South Beloit, for one year. He went on to be a notary in the Diocesan Tribunal with two years parish experience. Two years later he’s the bishop’s secretary. By 1986 he’s appointed auditor in the Roman Rota, returning from there in 1994 with assignment as Bishop of Rockford. It didn’t take much to consider that he may have been going to be in Rockford for much longer.

During the September 6, 2001 meeting, two topics that concerned him were brought up: one, an article published in 1994 (mind you this was in the Elgin Courier-News seven years earlier) in which I was interviewed about various topics in which my commentary was what he termed “heterodoxy,” including the discipline of priestly celibacy and the ordination of women; the other, my presiding at a marriage. 

On November 1st, I addressed those concerns in a letter to him as well as a lawyer-friends testimony regarding the “dissolution of marriage” being the form used for what was formally termed a “Decree of Divorce”. 

The follow-up to that was a meeting set for December 21st. At this meeting I was to sign a “Draft Summary of Promises.” I’d received a copy by mail from the Vicar for Clergy and Religious, Eric Barr, on December 11th indicating that I would be asked to sign it in the presence of the bishop. Since it was termed a “draft” I prepared my own draft statement of belief and promises. At the appointment, I was told that signing my version was not an option. He reiterated the canonical stipulation reflecting that the Church finds it difficult to accept priesthood as “an on-again-off-again situation,”  that I’d need “to find a benevolent bishop who would accept me” and that he would write a letter of recommendation for me. But re-entrance to the diocese was not allowed by Canon Law, though there were cases where the local ordinary could seek an exception. I made the point about how Cardinal Bernardin had accepted Theodore Stone back to active ministry as priest in the Archdiocese of Chicago in 1991 after the death his wife. He demurred to comment on those situations. 

I had shared my discernment process with Tom. That can be read by clicking here.

Later In 2006, Tom had accepted back to active ministry David Engbarth, who had previously served as best man at my wedding. David had taken a leave of absence (termed a sabbatical after his return to the diocese in 2006). in 2005, then made the decision in conscience to study for reception into the Episcopal diocese of Chicago and was about to marry before he changed his mind. Shortly after his return to the diocese in 2006, he was assigned as pastor, and served for eight years as pastor of Our Lady of Good Counsel, Aurora, before retiring for health reasons to Florida in 2014 where he is active as volunteer chaplain at Pinellas County Jail and part-time chaplain at St. Joseph Church, Tampa. Dave died on November 22. 2023 in Largo Florida.

AND now back to “HERE”

By 2002 reports of the sexual abuse scandals were beginning to break in the news. In my letter to Tom Doran on October 31, 2002, I indicated that, even if I were to seek a benevolent bishop and be accepted, I would be looked upon as “suspect” by diocesan personnel in this era when “problem priests” were being moved around rather than removed by their bishops. So I wrote to him to say I would not be seeking a benevolent bishop. It seemed, to use this phrase he used a couple years earlier about canonical requirements, that the same Church that finds it difficult to accept priesthood as on-again-off-again, would, “under the cloud of accusation and suspicion,…have even more difficulty accepting a priest from another diocese.” 

Since, by February, 2002, I’d been offered a position by Pat Brennan at Holy Family Parish, Inverness, I requested from Tom Doran his letter of recommendation to Pat, rather than to a benevolent bishop. It wasn’t until April 24, 2003, after a further request from me on April 7th, that he completed that request. 

I had no further communication with Tom. He died September 1, 2016.

2007 and Beyond in Connecticut

Providentially, my employment in retail office supplies made possible a transfer of employment with the company from Illinois to Connecticut after I’d reconnected with Mary whom I’d known since grade school in Rockford. She had become a widow in 2005 and sent me an email in 2006 to see how I was doing. The short story is that, after her invitation to visit to New England in the Autumn of 2006, I made the decision upon her invitation to move to Connecticut to be with her—a happy and fortuitous arrangement for both us.    

I am so fortunate now to be living in Connecticut with Mary, the love of my life. She terms herself a “raised-and-educated-Catholic-now-turned-anti-religious-atheist,” she is also  a retired teacher for most of 30 years of first graders. Anyone with that many years in such a challenging position has to be, in my book, a saint. That background makes her both understanding and forthright and allows for some great dialogue. She is caught in a vortex of the Church of the past. We have the greatest discussions. And I am happy continuing the ministry of justice and peace I've always carried out and a post-canonical multi-year ministry of marriage preparation and celebration.  I continue this ministry of marriage preparation and wedding celebration to serve the so-often disenfranchised. . . you know the people Jesus hung around with, the ones “on the outs” with socio-religious authority. More on that can be read by clicking here 

EPILOGUE 

The unfolding mystery of my story “from here to there…and back again (not really)…but here” is one I return to again and again reflecting on the mystery of this journey and discovering in it something new and fascinating each time. As I began this story, so I conclude in wonder and amazement at the ongoing revelation of the existence of something more than meets the eye. This is a sign of God’s presence in all the events of my life, inspiring wonder and awe.