Daniel Bartolo

Married Catholic Priest from Malta

Rev. Daniel Bartolo

I lived near a monastery and as a child I used to go the monastery to help the friars (Franciscans - ofm). It was very natural to choose that way of life as I used to spend many hours there. I have very positive and good memories about that time. I used to see the friars as very happy and hard working people. I wanted to be happy and be part of the team. Obviously I was looking from the outside with no experience whatsoever!

I started the monastic life when I was 16 years old. I never had a girlfriend or a date. I ended school (in Malta it is obligatory until 16 years of age) and entered the monastery.

The training in the seminary was far from adequate. As in most courses in the University, they were simply based on memorising some of the medieval principles. There was no connection with people's questions and if we ever discussed what people asked, the lecturer had a learn by heart answer! We were never trained how to deal with difficult people in the monastery or how to make it a real community. We were never trained how to deal with people in the parish or from where to begin in a priest's pastoral work. We never dealt with our emotions in an open way. We just learned on our own with all its consequences. Sex, relationships, affection were all taboo.

Strictly speaking in Malta we had the feasts with statues, fireworks, damask and many other colorful things. There was a lot of liturgy going on all year round. So practically one had to follow the usual timetable and not worry about real pastoral work. People used to go to church (like 90%), so it was just administering the sacraments.

I went for my doctoral studies in Rome for six years (Rome is just one hour by plane from my country). All I can say is that I met some very good professors at the Salesian Pontifical University. One of them became Cardinal Bertone, with whom I had some arguments regarding law and theology. What I admired most is that the majority of the professors were not living in an ivory tower but really worked hard in the diocese of Rome, in trying to present a new face of the church based on the Second Vatican Council (meeting for all bishops which took place between 1962-65). Afterwards all approved conclusions were put in a book referred to as Vatican II.

If the church was all black, negative and sinful, just having the documents of Vatican II makes it unique, special and a true church for our century. Now to my dismay, the church itself has really discarded or in other cases went against its own teaching by reversing some decisions agreed upon in Vatican II. When I say open minded people in the church, I'm referring to people who are living according to Vatican II. Vatican II in a few words changed one simple formula: Before we had the principles and people had to put them into practical life one way or another. After Vatican II, we had to read the signs of the times and formulate our principles accordingly. Although the church is not a democratic society, yet it couldn't discard the voice of the living communities. They are the ones who are living the gospel today. In another way, the Holy Spirit is not a slave of the bishops or priests but could use anybody to give us his message, especially living communities.

In Rome I found the same example as that of Malta. I used to meet people in the parish. People who go to church have a way of dealing with life in general, the church, prayer etc......Every now and then I used to meet other people who were unchurched. I used to speak for hours on end. The latter used to be surprised to find a priest who saw things the way they saw them. On the contrary, the church people used to view me with suspicion about certain views I held. In retrospect, I realised that most of my companions used to make me talk to report me to higher authorities!!!

After Rome I was asked to lead a parish. I was full of enthusiasm. I would have preferred to spend at least one year as a vice pastor to get to know the parish. But the superior wanted to get rid of the previous pastor at my expense! So without my knowledge I was put in a pot full of boiling water. People did not want to accept me just because they got to know that the previous pastor was banished....so I never swam in calm waters. From day one I had the difficult task to win the people back.

Although I was highly qualified in theological matters I still needed some training when it came to dealing with people who were used to old ways for a very long time. The inevitable clash soon took place. It was not just on a particular subject that we did not agree, but I realised that the more I got to know the people of the parish, the more distant I felt. When I was transferred to another parish in a different location, it was a totally a new experience I lived in paradise with this friar as he was very creative, understanding, intelligent and loving.

It was quite challenging as it was a relatively unknown area. We had to make people aware of our presence. But turning an unknown place into a popular one in a short time has it's negative consequences too. Although being happy and popular besides hard working, the people in authority did not share the same feelings. One way or another we were soon in trouble. They wished to force their old way of doing things. I realized that it was not the place, but anywhere in the Catholic church I was going to feel unwelcome! Some of the friars although they smiled in my presence, yet behind my back they changed opinion about me, my work, my friends etc.......Looking back after some years I realized that the monastery was a gay club. I understood why as soon as I met some girls. Rumors spread like wild fire. Most of them had a boyfriend so it was very unusual that a friar had a girl as a friend!! I always accepted and loved gay people but in this case I couldn't accept the fact that while they preached to others not to have sex outside marriage, they were doing the exact opposite! Their way of talking, their gestures, the way they moved around was all the time emphasising their way of life. It's ok to be gay but it's another thing when one tries to impose his way of life or else bombard others with the same message. People who are not gay feel very awkward.

I had already decided. I wanted my freedom. I wanted to go out from the monastery which was becoming more like a prison than anything else. What was not known, at that time, were the details of leaving etc.

I already knew my wife. She gave me the perfect example of hard work, love, understanding as she was a widow and had to take care of her child all alone. She preached with her life. She asked me not to rush and to think about my decision and take my time. She never put any pressure. Yet I couldn't wait any longer. As we started our journey of love together I soon felt very comfortable. I started to regain my humanity. People who saw me soon realised that physically I appeared to be more calm and serene. It was a proof, if any was needed, that I made the right decision.

From day one, I wanted to celebrate the Eucharist for my family of three persons at that time. I was not just a preacher but I really believed (and still believe) that we need the Eucharist badly. Although I left the monastery, I didn't want to abandon God. I knew I needed God especially in those moments. At the same time I visited CITI online and soon realised that I might use priesthood for services not to the so-called 'normal' people who go to church but rather to the unchurched. I was already forming the same idea but owing to strong emphasis of the Catholic church in Malta, I had to rely on some 'foreign' help in order to prove that I was not alone in thinking aloud!

The biggest difference in family life is that everyday one is challenged to live the gospel. I was used to preach to people and tell them what to do but we went our separate ways after mass. Now my family listened to my homilies and saw me in everyday life..They knew me inside out so I couldn't tell lies in my homilies!!! At first I started to celebrate mass in my family. Now I'm doing lots of work on the internet which I consider as a non-geographical parish. Through my website I'm helping a lot of people who fall in love with a priest or of priests falling in love. I feel that I can provide them with real and practical experience. I cannot use the old methods with these people. They have a lot of suspicion towards priests, yet when we make friends they are surprised to find priests who are thinking differently. Consequently they are not afraid to make unique calls (by Maltese standards). In fact I was called to officiate at a wedding on a beach for a wonderful couple who were really very spiritual. Obviously they lived outside the box of normal Catholic expectations!!

Regarding Malta I think the future is very bright. We have just recently legalized divorce which was a total surprise considering the biggest political party in Malta is the Catholic church. Yet it serves as an eye opener or as a proof that things are not as they used to be. Now we'll have some divorced people who would still be asking for the sacraments. The friars, towing the official line, would surely say no. Yet in their private life they are leading a double life. They have lovers and they are sexually active, and they still celebrate the mass for the people. As their relationship is clandestine, they don't face some of the difficulties in their relationships as other people who are living together do: such as paying bills, the upbringing of children 24 hours a day etc... Yet the common people would be refused the sacraments. I think these divorced people would be the first generation to create a new thinking in the Catholic Church. Like the contraceptives issue, the people would be voting with their feet...finding a great refuge in married priesthood!

Name: Rev. Daniel Bartolo

Malta

Website: http://maltesemarriedcatholicpriest.wordpress.com

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