Círculos de tiza, 1960-1976

Solo los médiums pueden hacer venir esta Oscuridad que habla y que nos ayudará a vivir para siempre, a caminar como dioses. Los mortales son el pasado, me dijo una vez Florence. El método de supervivencia tardó mucho en revelarse y es, por supuesto, repugnante. Debo agregar, además, que, por el momento, además de repugnante, ha resultado un rotundo fracaso. La fe, sin embargo, no se discute. Y es imposible descreer cuando la Oscuridad viene. Así que confiamos y seguimos. 

Al menos, muchos de nosotros nos comportamos así. Otros estamos enfermos de dudas.

Antes de 1962, pasé dos años viviendo en el departamento de mi tío, con Juan. La mitad del día la pasaba en el colegio, donde me veía con Betty como si nuestras familias no hubiesen decidido una separación que entonces parecía definitiva o, al menos, inusualmente larga. Nunca más pisé el campo de Chascomús, aunque lo extrañaba: el monte de talas, las acacias, las espinas de Cristo, especialmente los perros. Entiendo y siempre entendí que la Orden tiene que tocar los extremos para obtener conocimiento y que, en muchos casos, eso implica olvidar el afecto o abrazar la locura, implica crueldades difíciles de entender, incluso para los Iniciados. Pero cuando tuve que que dar de comer a los enjaulados supe que ese era mi límite, o uno de mis límites

Chalk Circles, 1960–1976

Only mediums can bring this Darkness that speaks and that will help us to live forever, to walk like gods.  Mortals are the past, Florence once told me.  The method of survival took a long time to reveal itself and is, of course, disgusting.  I must also add that, for the moment, in addition to being disgusting, it has been a resounding failure.  Faith, however, is not disputed.  And it is impossible to disbelieve when the Darkness comes.  So we trust and follow through.  

At least, many of us behave like that.  Others are sick with doubts.  

Before 1962, I spent two years living in my uncle's apartment, with Juan.  Half the day was spent at school, where I saw myself with Betty as if our families had not decided on a separation that then seemed definitive or, at least, unusually long.  I never stepped on the field of Chascomús again although I missed it: the mountain of logging, the acacias, the thorns of Christ, especially the dogs.  I understand and always understood that the Order has to touch the extremes to obtain knowledge and that, in many cases, that implies forgetting affection or embracing madness, implies cruelties difficult to understand, even for the Initiates.  But when I had to feed the caged ones I knew that was my limit, or one of my limits.

Chalk Circles, 1960-1976

Only mediums can summon this Darkness that speaks and will help us live forever, walk like gods. Mortals are the past, Florence once told me.  The method of survival took a long time to reveal itself and is, of course, repugnant. I must add, moreover, that for the moment, in addition to being repugnant, it has been a resounding failure. Faith, however, is not questioned. And it is impossible to disbelieve when Darkness comes. So we trust and carry on. 

At least, many of us behave this way. Others are sick with doubt.

Before 1962, I spent two years living in my uncle's apartment with Juan. I spent half the day at school, where I saw Betty as if our families had not decided on a separation that then seemed definitive or, at least, unusually long. I never set foot in the Chascomús countryside again, although I missed it: the forest of felled trees, the acacias, the thorns of Christ, especially the dogs. I understand and have always understood that the Order must touch the extremes to obtain knowledge and that, in many cases, this means forgetting affection or embracing madness, it means cruelties that are difficult to understand, even for the Initiates. But when I had to feed the caged animals, I knew that was my limit, or one of my limits.