Indigo Light

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New Blogs

Superb Consciousness of Being 2025

There is an empty

that has

no beginning and no end,

that is neither full

nor without fullness,

that reaches for high places

while embracing the groundedness of this embodiment.

That empty is the place

where one enters into oneself

while unfolding

into the enlightenment of being.

One finds solace in this

empty space of nothingness.

It is morning and it is night,

the depths of inner knowing

rests in here,

while all of eternity

flows in and out

of the superb consciousness

of being.

©️ Irize Loots - In memory of 28 Nov 2017

Why not, Love?

What are we doing with the gifts of living

amidst too much noise to make sense of it

and noisemakers that long sold their souls?

While inside wars claim destruction

and outside them we’re looking in, are we not capable when we see their life long damage to children to insist on peace that is possible if we supply no weapons?

Are we instead too lost between the senseless crowds of onlookers, too rushed amidst traffic jams of exhaust-trailed cars going nowhere to care?

And when next to poverty and famine

are we too numbed to acknowledge

the suffering sisters

and brothers with painfully empty pockets begging for small acts of salvation

to make their lives a little better with one ounce of silver?

Amidst it all how can we still forget about having grace and gratitude? Isn’t appreciation of all our daily gifts of health, wealth, joy, and how peaceful our own lives may be the first response to how deeply fortunate we really are?

Why not open our eyes and hearts, and when we truly see that amidst it all we are blessed…

why not share our best moments and ounces of goodwill with a world so desperately deprived of love and compassion?

Why not, Love?

Why not love?

Why not live with an open receptive heart?

Why not spread compassion?

Why not stand up for peace?

Why not create harmony?

Why not?

And tonight when we look up and see the stars, or tomorrow when we embrace the rays of sunlight, listen to the sea’s rhythms or the sounds of birds let’s be so grateful that we can, that we sing with joy! And when we stretch our awareness to the small things in life that still light up our days, let’s remember to breathe it in with more grace and gratitude than ever before.

©️ Irize Loots

Above here, sharing one of my own paintings with you

Venus

She holds circular light in her hands.
She is love and kindness and compassion and gentleness.
She is generosity of spirit.
She lives in me and she lives in you.
She is Venus, goddess of love.
She is sometimes the eveing star, and sometimes the morning star.
She’s visible.
She is present.
She is you and she is me. Let’s breathe into her.

Love breaths.
Venus breaths.

©️ Irize Loots

Today I rise

Today, I would like to write something that inspires.

What if there was a single message that could do that? What if I had the wisdom to say something - one thing - that can move your heart into more of its own innate beauty? What would I then say?

I can be a wordy person at the best of times, but I have also known the silences of empty spaces. Sometimes there are no words.

I then find myself in quiet contemplation, in a state of meditativeness if you will. I sit, and I wait for eternal wisdom to come to me.

What if the love I am blessed with could touch into your centre or the light that we are all part of can be visible in words? Wouldn't that be all we need to soar and to shine into all the darker corners of the worlds we're in?

I hold a small flower in my hand, touch a feather that fell from above, see the drops of rain hanging onto leaves, smell the indescribable scent of wet earth with gratitude for all the blessings of Autumn, hear the squawk of crows at dawn and the magpies that shriek at dusk, taste the bitter-sweet that lingers in my mouth after drinking sweet tea.

Life is glorious and precious every time we notice.

And sometimes we don't. There are moments during which the richness and beauty of Life simply slips by, because we're not in our state of grace, not quite present, not quite aware any more. It is okay, because we may have human inner battles from time to time.

It doesn't mean however, that Life has stopped being undeniably beautiful. It also doesn't mean that we've parted from that noticeable hand of joy and glory of life and have forgotten to be grateful.

We can rise again though life feels hard. We can rise to experience it again or even while we’re in turmoil. We will rise again. You will rise again. I will.

And when I rise, I embrace Life (again) with vigour. May it be so.

On this day, and any other. Life is a blessing.

PS: (My name Irize is similar to "I rise", which is a strange but true gift.)

©️ Irize Loots

OLD BLOGS

In Lak’ech Ala’kin (June, 2020)

Padre wrote: “In Lak'ech Ala K'in is a gracious statement of oneness. It honours our oneness and connection as spiritual beings. It was used as a wise greeting by the Mayan people back in their time. Whichever meaning you believe in, while addressing this phrase to another person, it is considered as an honourable greeting. It is the same as saying ‘Namaste‘ (which means ‘I bow to you‘ or ‘The light in me honours the light in you’). In Lak'ech represents a powerful spiritual message that has travelled to us from the ancient Mayans!”

Here below is my spiritual connection to the oneness of this greeting.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Amsterdam, 2 June 2020

Dear South-Africa,

Thank you South Africa for teaching me about life through all the dire experiences of inequality, racism, and the evils of segregation and oppression — all the wounds inherent in the belly of our history. And next to that for also showing me the tremendous capacity of the human spirit with its constant willingness to heal with effort and commitment, with deeply rooted care for itself, and in the conviction of its own inner light.

Thank you South Africa for showing me what freedom is and what not, what safety means and what it means to not feel safe. There is value in knowing that.

Thank you South Africa for teaching me how to be compassionate with others, and for showing me what the opposite of tolerance looks like - without knowing the shadow, how can we know about the light?

Thank you South Africa for teaching me about humanity and humility.

Thank you South Africa for showing me suffering, poverty and the vast imbalances between rich and poor lives, both physically and metaphorically.

Thank you South Africa for showing me the heart of Ubuntu, and how together we can overcome anything — if we are willing because we stand stronger when we are holding hands.

Thank you South Africa, because together we shall overcome all new and old challenges.

Thank you South Africa for all the struggles and strengths, all the empowerment, and depths of understanding I learnt through my own roots inside yours, and by my connection to you.

Thank you South Africa for the wounds, big and small, for the traumas, big and small that taught me the importance of healing, and of taking responsibility for my own healing with a heart of compassion and kindness towards my own and other’s wounds.

Yes, I thank you South Africa for the pain, the revolution and the evolution I experienced as a part of who you were and are still becoming as a country.

Thank you South Africa for continued learning, and the ability all your lessons gave me to understand myself and others - not just South Africans but everywhere.

Thank you South Africa that I was born there, and for the gifts that brought me in my own spiritual evolution as a human being. Thank you South Africa where my soul was seeded, and to who my heart will belong forever.

Thank you South Africa for being my land, our land, the giver of all life to each individual born there, and to all who live(d) inside your spirit, and who learnt something from you when they did.

Thank you South Africa for your richness of diversity in beautiful landscapes, and beautiful people.

Thank you South Africa! I am deeply honoured to be a child of Africa, and to have had the honor to look at you with eyes of both innocence and wisdom.

Yes! Thank you Mama Africa for the tip of Africa, South of Africa — the land where I became, and for the growth it offered me. If I am now an Oak Tree that can provide shade, safety and nesting possibilities for others, it is because of you…

My South Africa, even when we are apart - you and I are one. Thank you for that!

Nkosi sikilela Africa!

©️ Irize Loots

Touching shoulders mean touching lives (May, 2020)

A wise old saying said: ‘Keep your friendliness cheap and your friendships rich.’ That thought is always with me too somewhere at the back of my mind.

What is pro-social behaviour? Isn’t it always showing gratitude, appreciation, generosity, kindness, forgiveness and acceptance to others? I feel it is true also during the Corona-crisis.

Since the Corona-virus stay-at-home (now for the last 10 weeks), I have tried to not watch the news too often, and only when I have to, to relieve my own anxiety of this pandemic. I also decided to do very little on social media like Facebook. Endlessly scrolling there in search of some form of personal safety or a sense of connectivity, also does not alleviate fear, loneliness or bring safety. During this virus-time, I have noticed that it can even be a bedrock of fear to be on Facebook, because many people put their news finds, and other horrors down there and it is kind of in your face! Fits the title of that book, but it is not good for me personally.

I have decided, however, to focus intently on busying myself with what matters most to me. That which brings me joy calms me down within and my inner equilibrium influences how I experience my day. I am realizing more and more that I have to take very good care of myself, and that is a big enough task for me to handle, especially during trying times. Next to that I care for my child, my husband, stepchildren, mother, and my family (far away).

What gives me a sense of joy? Writing, meditation, walks and moments in nature, pleasant or beautiful movies, inspiring reading (books or otherwise), and also to be there for my friends and family (when I feel the capacity to do so). All of it gives me a great sense of joy, and it keeps my heart in touch with itself.

The Corona-crisis clarified and emphasized for me what is really important in my life, and it is one of the gifts within this time in isolation.

I wrote the below connection-story quite a while ago (before the Corona crisis). It is titled ‘Touching shoulders means touching lives.’

I was and am contemplating the fact that I have been (re-)connected to and with (almost) my entire life because of Facebook: as far back as little friends from primary school to right now.

I seem to be connected on Facebook to: childhood friends, high school friends of way back, university days’ friends, many from my first job, more deep connections from second studies at university… and more than that. All my pre-Amsterdam life’s friends seem to be there. Then there are those from Amsterdam days, Gestalt groups, mates from Keith-bands and memories with bands from the old days.

Then friends from my thirties – all my Cape Town friends, more Amsterdam’s friends, my own meditation & healing groups’ friends, Elsevier friends, France holiday visits’ soul mates, friends whom are friends of my child, neighbors-in-North, other by-the-wayside holiday friends, walking buddies on the Mindful track, piano student little friends and/or their parents, my daughter's friends' families friends...

Strangely most of all these people mentioned above have some life memories in common with my own – though what I have experienced through my eyes, and loved with my heart are always only mine alone. But there are memories shared with travelers on my path! Memories I have because I looked into their eyes, and perhaps their hearts once (or often) way back when – whomever they were as traveler next to me, matters not. What I see and realize is that we made memories together.

Almost all of past-me’s connections seem to be accumulated in one place (Facebook) as if all the pasts I ever had are, and belong, (also) in the present!

What does it mean to have a social media life at all, and how do I relate all that back to my everyday life now?

In reality, and in my daily life, I have only a handful of now-and-today soul-heart friends – there are literally a handful that I feel are really close to me.

Yet, I consider all the people that crossed my path, or who travelled alongside my own, ahead or behind me as companions then, when we met, my friends in some way or another.

I would like to honor that today. I'm grateful!

Living from the heart, every brother and sister I have ever meet on the path of life can be a friend, even if briefly, for a moment or for longer. A wise old saying said: ‘Keep your friendliness cheap and your friendships rich.’ That thought is always with me too somewhere at the back of my mind.

Does touching shoulders truly means touching lives? I hope it does. It certainly had meaning for me to have touched shoulders with all the people by the wayside - all whom I am connected to on and off Facebook.

I am deeply grateful for all whom touched shoulders with me! Then, when, how and now!

The fact that our shoulders once touched, moves my heart deeply, especially now during this isolation time of the Corona-crisis. It is a humbling thought, to look back and know I travelled with others then, like I do now.

May we soon be able to touch shoulders in real life again… because via screens, via social media, on phones over distances – is all very special and can be supportive, but social distancing without real physical contact is not really the way I’d like to live, because if I am honest:

I always prefer to touch shoulders with others in real life.

©️ Irize Loots

Rhythm (2022)

She had many stories play through her mind on this day, as she walked in that easy way through nature. One foot in front of another, she moved. What more can one person do at any given time? One foot… the other foot… touching Mother Earth gracefully, gratefully, slowly attentively, and in that way moving forward.

She noticed green grass, wet mud, on the foot path. The sky was open, soft and wet in its Dutch way during autumn. She looked left. She looked right. The reeds were not moving, as there was no breeze. She noticed trees. Felt sunlight. No noise.

Thoughts coming and going… all the while breathing gently. She thought of stories to tell, places to go, places visited, people met and unmet… she thought of it all for fractions of seconds as she went. She carried on breathing deeply – out and in – as one does.

They stopped at the centre of a crossroads of four different directions to go. None the wrong direction, as in nature any way you go is the way. You would feel it, and go, or just do… but a pause was announced. They were to stretch the arms, then the legs – walking the body just a little. Her senses were wide open. She needs the silence.

Walking with others does not always allow for silence, and there would be some form of group interaction even if it was a Silent Mindfulness walk. She was at home with these women as they have been walking together for three years like this, every Friday. Sometimes they were five women, other times three, sometimes two. Sometimes others joined on odd Fridays over years.

Today there were four of them, each with heels on the Earth Mother at one of the corners of the crossroad point. The heels were in the mud, soles of shoes, perhaps toes… She had no sensation. Mosquitoes bothered them, and they had to move on. Walking as they went away from the marshlands, and away from the reeds where the wet and mosquitoes were overbearing.

Onto a path they went, next to water. Spaces of sky and water and water and sky on her left, she looked and slowly felt movement inside her dead tired body. One foot in front of another, she made progress, but enjoying the sun, the open sky, the soft of puffy clouds, the air, the sound of feet and nature’s rhythm. Slowly she fell behind, but did not mind. Today she will follow her own pace, she will move as her nature is calling.

They stopped at a bench to stretch legs. The sensation of stretching was to be noticed in the body, the woman said. All she saw was what kept her calm – water endlessly moving in the otherwise unnoticeable movements of air. Ripples gently moving far and beyond to as far as her eyes could see. On the opposite side of the water’s edge, trees, the sky far and open. This is a flat country and so, one can see as far as your eye can see. Space. Silence. Simplicity. She felt her heart open and the sun baking her back.

They carried on moving. She was still way behind the rest, unlike other times, just moving as her feet prompted… one in front of the other. She was in no hurry. She was not interested in where they were going, or which goals they had to reach at whatever given time. She was just walking in awareness of all that is. Grass. The forest ahead. Some other people in nature with their dogs. The women ahead of her seemed further ahead.

She was breathing, holding on to her moments of silent naturalness and her heart stretched through and into the spaces of beauty around her. She held on to the pace of her body begging her to slow down, slow down. Slowly. Today. Slowly.

There was another stop on a small man-made bridge over water. They had to sing a ‘happy birthday song’. She did that, but it was not quite from her own heart. That which is prompted often is not one’s own when it comes from outside one’s self. She wanted to just breathe, and perhaps sing long glorious tones that could reach the treetops where birds were resting. They moved again.

In no time she was falling behind some. It mattered not. She had time to be. She had time to breathe. She had time to be in nature. It was special. She found a small, beautiful, soft feather in her path, picked it up. It reminded her of gentleness. She carried it in the palm of her left hand. They were in the forest. Trees on her left with shaded patches and some flowers. On her right the sun kept coming through the branches, and touched her as if the rays of light was playing hide and seek.

She looked deeply into flowers next to the path that reminded her of spring fairies with full rounded pink dresses, draped in soft maroon overlays. The path went into a part of the forest she knew well from previous times. This is the forest of silence and magic. She would have liked to stay on the mossy greens, and with her back against hard brittle branches.

A pause was announced, and a moment to turn 360 degrees slowly to observe all that the eye can meet. She did so. Slowly. Seeing bit by bit in turning. Depths and shades. Branches and tallness of trees. The woman leading was laughing and distracting her attentiveness. Perhaps she was too serious today. She did not mind the giggling. Apparently she was laughing at the mosquitoes still bothering her. She did not mind. Yet, she minded some as her inner need was to take it all in, so that in the week to come, she can drink from that fountain of silent wander.

They continued walking silently. She fell behind. She felt her feet and the sky above. She felt the sun breathing through branches towards the edge of the forest. She was still holding the soft feather, almost lost it when she peeked at it. Soft and gentle, and she was holding on to its soft gentleness.

They waited for her beyond the edge of the forest, as she was slow. For a moment she was wondering if her rhythm today was disturbing them, and apologized for it. No need for that, her friend said. You can walk at whichever pace suits you always. She was happy to hear that. She needed so to slow down. She did too, and was happy that this was welcomed by the rest of the group. She was welcome after all with all of whom she is at any given time. Silent natured she feels most at home with nature. She can be quiet and at peace with that.

They had a last stop, touching the right ear, and asking a question which will be answered intuitively by one word. She had no questions anymore. Still she received a clear answer: “Rhythm”. She had an answer without having had a question. And if the word had to become a sentence, it would be: Follow your own rhythm. Her heartbeat has almost gone down to zero. Well, so it felt. It was still beating though… in its own, gentle rhythm. She gave the feather to her friend, and her friend told a small story of a feather, and then returned the gift.

The feather was hers to keep. Be gentle, soft, free… and in your own rhythm.

©️ Irize Loots

In honour of friendship (2021)

Today I would like to honour friendship.

One of my favourite quotes is one of Anaïs Nin wherein she said: “Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”

Over the last months of 2021 I have been shown how blessed I am with truly incredible friendships - not one like the other, yet all uniquely beautiful.

I do not always know how to express how grateful I am for their presence in my life, for the worlds in me they represent, for having met them when I did, and for the glorious continuation of friendship thereafter.

With each of my friends I have walked indescribable journeys, travelled beyond time and space, walked the depths of the earth planes, shared stories and lives, and experienced immeasurable moments of life enriching beauty.

With all of that I do not mean we just had “good times”, parties or pub-crawls (though occasionally with some I may have done that too from time to time). What I am referring to instead is the fascinating and intriguing beauty of sharing realness!

Realness is the commitment to not only visit what’s good and joyous in our lives, but to also dare to touch on the hard stuff, dive into the painful moments, battle the life struggles we’re sometimes faced with, and be humans together! I’ve come to realize that it is that capacity to share in our togetherness that has enriched my life!

I am truly blessed by the sacred stories I have witnessed, and for what’s been shared with such deeply, beautiful humans! The eternities we’ve spent together is what I am grateful for.

Maria Popova wrote once: “I find more and more that attention is the elemental unit of time. Each moment we are fully paying attention is an atom of eternity.”

Today I celebrate presence - yours and mine.

Thank you to each of my beautiful friends for ALL of it, and the eternal wisdom it has brought me!

©️ Irize Loots

Today I rise (2021)

Today, I would like to write something that inspires you.

What if there was a single message that could do that? What if I had the wisdom to say something - one thing - that can move your heart into more of its own innate beauty? What would I then say?

I am a wordy person at the best of times, but I have also known the silences of empty spaces. Sometimes there are no words. I then find myself in quiet contemplation, in a state of meditativeness if you will. I sit, and I wait for eternal wisdom to come to me.

What if the Love I am blessed with could touch into your centre or the Light that we are all part of can be visible in words? Wouldn't that be all we need to soar and to shine into all the darker corners of the worlds we're in?

I hold a small flower in my hand, touch a feather that fell from above, see the drops of rain hanging onto leaves, smell the indescribable scent of gratitude in all the blessings of Spring, hear the song of the Black Bird at dawn and dusk, taste the bitter-sweet that lingers in my mouth after drinking lemon tea.

Life is glorious and precious every time we notice.

And sometimes we don't. When we're faced with challenges. One such a challenge may be the loss of someone dear. There are moments during which the richness and beauty of Life simply slips by, because we're not in our state of grace, not quite present, not quite aware any more. It is okay, because we sometimes may be battling.

Don't we all know how the five stages of grief that can drag us down into an emotional battle zone when a loved one is terminally ill or on another incurable deathbed? I have certainly been there - fear, denial, anger, bargaining, sadness or depression - till finally, much later (sometimes even years later), acceptance sets in.

It doesn't mean however, that Life has stopped being undeniably beautiful. It also doesn't mean that we've parted from that noticeable hand of joy and glory of gratitude.

We will rise again. You will rise again. I will.

And when I rise, I can embrace Life again.

May it be so. On this day, and any other.

Life is a blessing.

PS: (My name Irize is similar to "I rise", which is a strange but true gift.)

©️ Irize Loots

I know an angel (2020)

"I've seen and met angels wearing the disguise of ordinary people living ordinary lives." – Tracy Chapman

I was in search of something old to share today till I was pushed by my current moment to just share from here. Firstly, I was searching my old files, because I wanted to share something that is inspiring, but right now I need some hopeful inspiration myself.

Of course I could not find anything inspiring or hopeful in those old pieces of writing – not in the way I need it anyway. Though it is not entirely true, because I found the words of Tracy Chapman – the quote above, and it is holding me captive. Here I am sharing that.

Let me talk about angels in disguise today - those exceptionally special people amongst ordinary people that perhaps seem to live pretty ordinary lives. I can probably write a book. I have met many angels on my path.

Today however it is only my one friend that keeps slipping into my mind and it is keeping my heart captivated, because she is very ill at this moment in time.

I wonder if she knows she’s an angel in disguise? I wonder if she knows how much her angelic presence, her goodwill, her kindness and her marvellous spirit has meant for so many of us in this lifetime – in mine to be specific.

She magically touched my life since I was in my early twenties, and we have been friends for thirty plus years.

My heart aches while she is suffering! It breaks to see an angel struggle with her health!

I fear that she doesn’t know she’s an angel, and only looks back and sees the part of life that may be perceived as an ordinary life if one doesn't look at it the right way - when in fact for everyone else that know her: she is someone extraordinary!

I fear that she has never seen how her exceptional creativity has inspired others.

I fear that she’d never know that her sacrifices to look after others, her mother specifically, has alleviated suffering and that means she's had a gifted life - as she the touched our lives with the way she touched life per example.

I fear that she doesn’t know that her humour, her specific way of storytelling has entertained and lifted our spirits. I fear she never saw how her love, kindness, and her gentleness has moved everyone around her to be more like her - it is sheer beauty!

When we met when we did those decades ago, we were friends. Over time we chose to be each others family, and recently she confirmed that to me again, more than once. “You are my family” she said, “never forget that,” and “thank you for that”. She also said often “I love you, Riz.”

I sincerely hope I repeated it all in this reflective mirror of kindness. I truly am honoured to be her family, and oh so honoured to have had her as my friend for this long!

But more than that, I am oh so deeply honoured and forever grateful to have her as my soul-tribe, my soul-family, my extraordinary and special friend, and that she chose me as her soul-sister-friend! I love this angel in disguise!

I need to tell her all the above again, though I trust I always have.

I pray that she gets well.

Mostly though I simply pray that she doesn’t suffer.

This angel in disguise, who perhaps thinks she had an ordinary life, had an extraordinary life, and she shined in an extraordinary way. She deserves light, love, and a happy, beautiful, blessed ending to her life when that day comes.

May it be so. Amen.

©️ Irize Loots

"grief is love with nowhere to go" (October, 2017)

I wrote about loss and letting go...

Many years ago I learnt that partings from loved ones hurts, sometimes endlessly, or so it feels - weather its loss experienced through life, or forced through death.

I also learnt that butterflies were all caterpillars once, and that caterpillars can become beautiful butterflies.

And so I started trusting life’s processes, its endings and beginnings, it's ebb and flow, the up and down curves of living. Trusting life however did not mean I was free from possible pain and sadness, fear and anger, joy and happiness, or any other feelings of this human existence... also not the feelings around partings and loss. Sometimes it takes such a long time to work through my feelings that it feels like an eternity. I know though that feelings also come and go, and are never permanent.

One has to have some patience with oneself! Nothing happens instantly! I’ve learnt that if one feels sadness, just feel it, and in time it will become another emotion, and if one feels anger, if one allows it, it too will dissipate and transform to something else. And so feelings come and go, but mostly when we embrace, acknowledge, and accept them.

I thought it should be quicker to let go though. If I drop a stone it falls to the ground - it happens at once. If I let go of a flower I was holding it would also land, a little softer when it meets the ground perhaps, but it would fall. When you let things go, they surrender to the force of gravity. It is not the same though when we part with loved ones - people loved so deeply that the eye cannot follow the depths and distances covered by that love.

The truth is that the love we felt never goes away, and therefore the hurt or pain surrounding love lost is in a way eternal by nature too. I read that grief is love with nowhere to go. That’s what is holding me tight in its fist - the nowhere to go part.

Some people say “Letting go is easy”, and moving on is easy. It is not entirely true. It is different for me. It's not easy at all. Letting go when we part is hard! Not impossible, but definitely not easy.

The dead never forget us, because our memories contain the spark of endless love when we part while we were loving. I am never sure though when we part with the living - do they forget us, harbour the worst of us, hold on to the wrongs that caused our parting? Do I?

No, I don’t. I always hold the best in my memories, and I do not forget the good.

I wonder if that’s why the thought of loss has me silenced, and perplexed often... Is it because I do not hold on to the worst? Or does it mean I’ve forgiven and in the process I let go? Probably.

Why is it that the trees shed leaves in autumn and are budding green in spring? Because nature knows full cycles, complete from barren winter to fruitful summer.

I have nature in my belly, I hold her in my hand, I feel her on my skin, I caress her with my eyes, I hear her whisper, embrace her endless unfolding and becoming. Therefore this is my prayer today:

Let me be like nature. Let me be free and open and accepting to the forever changes in and around me.

Where you once stood, stand I, and where I walked, you stand. I will cherish that like the sun that sets and will rise again, like the moon that continues to shine even if she’s not visible.

May my heart find her hope and her faith, and may I continue to trust the power of love - with or without it having that specific place or person to go to.

Let it be shared widely, and let it come back to me - that something that I feel I’ve lost, wherever it has fallen, will come back to me in a gloriously transformed beautiful way some day.

And with that thought, I let it go.

©️ Irize Loots

From where you are (March, 2015)

I guess that was the whole point... to sit down and write from where you are. The sun is making the sky a pale blue. Behind the cloud straight ahead and above I see the moon. On a clear, sunny day, how odd and how magnificent. It's an exact half of itself, as if a knife cut through it just so, through the centre. The moon is in Cancer I was told. So, I stare ahead into the sign of Cancer and feel pretty much at home in that place of my current optical view. The trees are silent, stretching up and out towards the sky, silhouetted against the pale blue. No leaves in sight as winter has created barren branches and twigs. Winter... We still are in winter time up North. (We are one week into Pisces time, should you understand the astrological movements of the Sun, Moon and planets...) Though it is still winter, spring is not far off. But today is a perfect winter's day: sunny, no wind, clear sky. It matters not that leafless branches form the backdrop of the scene ahead of me. In fact, it brings complete silence into my heart-place when I see the light of the sun making shades, and also lightening up a world where grey has become almost shapeless and life has shown little to no depth. Closer, just in front of my window, I see the top of a tree with its roots in my little garden. It has buds shaped as hearts. All over the thin branches, little green hearts are climbing up and out towards the light. My day is a free day, as Fridays often are for me. The house behind mine always has its blinds down. I have no idea about the interior of my Chinese neighbour from my garden side. I have never seen into the inside of his house, and never needed to. Yesterday I told my sister that he is the perfect neighbour for exactly that reason. The privacy he demands from the outside with his blinds down, is the privacy I seek to have. He chooses to have a place where no one sees in, and he is free to do whatever he likes inside his house, behind his shut blinds. I leave that freedom in tact for him, because I leave him to it. And quite frankly, he leaves me to mine also. There is a small difference between us though: while he shuts out the world, and perhaps also the light, I cannot do that. I cannot shut out light, as I love light. Even on the greyest winter days, I open my shutters, pull my curtains to the side and look out, while allowing light in. It is not something I think of much, I do it automatically. I come from the South, where sunlight is bright and hot and feels everlasting almost all year, but here up North, as it is not so, I seek the light even on the greyest days. It has not been easy to live up North for that reason also - the presence of the Sun's light was eternally felt down South. Now when I close my eyes and am then no longer here in my room with its view over my garden's treetops and my neighbours closed blinds, but there, I can feel the Southern light in my soul's memory. Today is not however a day to be there in the vast landscapes of memory. Today is a day to be here, where the Sun is bright and the light is stretching day by day towards Spring. The hearts in my tree want to pop right open to become lush flowers. Right there. This morning I walked in a nature conservation area not too far from home with two women I often walk with on Fridays. We are mindfully together in silence and in nature. At least that's the plan each Friday morning. I love it. The attempt to be present in nature is a practice that has achieved exactly that for me over the last two years: being present. How? Looking with intent, listening, smelling the air, and on days like today feeling the sunlight on skin, or more specifically on that part that is not covered in thick winter coats and boots - the face. As I turn my face towards the sun, and intently welcome its warm rays into my skin, my heart opens up, and I feel my open heart like arms stretched out to hug the world I am in. That is the delight of Fridays. And today, I am blessed with the pale blue sky above, the sun that brings colour into the sometimes grey retina of winter. The barks of trees seem to shimmer, while they are rooted under dark, rich soil. They shimmer and reflect green, grey, brown and white in my eyes. And that rootedness is what I feel while I walk out in nature. Though here, where I am now, with my view over my garden and my neighbour's closed blinds, I feel rooted too. I am rooted with my cat cuddled into the pillow of my bed next to me, and my mother staring at me from her younger self, from a photo of her to my right, just under the Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi, which her and I both love. '... make me an instrument of thy peace...' I can only start from where I am, as I write down my flow of consciousness from this present moment. That Cancer moon right ahead is like a window, gracefully opening another consciousness inside me. I am comforted by it against my pale blue sky that's lit up by that Pisces sun.

And with that, yesterday's grey and constant rain, and the mood of sadness I felt then, has left completely, and I am here, a magnificent presence of bright Light in my own room, as always. I am home again.

©️ Irize Loots

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