Letting Go And Move On With Your Life.

Disappointments are inevitable in life. They are almost guaranteed. It is not possible to live and not have difficulties, upheavals and problems .

Nowadays one of the most common and strong frustrations is separation. However difficult it may be to separate, it is certainly not the end of the world.

Below you will find my tips on how to deal with a separation if you want to overcome it and move on with your life without being trapped in bad emotions.

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How to overcome a separation.

First of all, the most important thing to do when you divorce or separate is to make a decision! You have to accept the reality if you want to move on . I hear you say "But I do not want to move on, I want my Ex !!" believe me, you do not want your Ex! Stay with me and keep reading and i will explain what i mean.

If you are wondering how this is done, how you can make that decision and move on, I have three things to tell you.

First, the fact that you divorced or separate is in itself a sign that this had to be done, since it was.

Stop going against reality. You should be happy that you are separate now and did not waste any more time in a relationship that in the end was not meant to be.

Second, think about it, why you broke up? I know it's painful but it will make you good.

What were the reasons you separate with your Ex? Do not think only the end of the relationship, the events that were the icing on the cake. Think of some of the things that bothered you in your relationship even before the END appeared on the horizon .

They may seem insignificant to you now because the relationship is over but believe me, if you had not separated these things now, no matter how small they were, they would put your relationship to the test. So find all these reasons that inevitably, sooner or later, would lead your relationship to the end and recognize them.

Also, think about your partner's behavior. Did he/she behave the way you would like your partner to behave?

Be careful, I do not mean if he/she did what you wanted, in the sense of having him/her get up and sit down. I mean if his/her behavior was the behavior you are looking for and wanting in a partner . For example, if he/she did not care when you asked him/her for something important, if he/she lied to you and hurt your trust, such things.

Are these the qualities and behaviors that you want your partner, the person in your life, to have? If not, then definitely your ex was not the right person for you.

Did you lose your ideal partner?

However, your relationship and your ex-partner may not fall into the above category. Maybe there really were no small problems in your relationship before the separation came, which complicates the situation.

Maybe your partner really had the best behavior and all that you would like your partner to have. From your point of view, everything was fine!

If the separation came from nowhere then you need to think about whether your point of view was different from that of your partner. Maybe he/she was not satisfied and happy with this relationship. He/she may have realized that he/she has other goals and other priorities.

He/she may have realized that you did not really fit in, is not that he/she did not love you. If he/she realized that you were not the right partner for him/her, the best he/she could do for both of you was to end the relationship and not continue to give you hope for a fairytale happy ending.

It's painful, I understand. But think about it, would you like to be with someone who does not feel as happy in your relationship as you ? How would you feel if you were completely happy and your partner had doubts about whether you are the woman/man of his/her life and whether you will be able to keep this relationship ten or twenty years from now?

How happy would you be with someone who does not share that happiness?

Imagine for a moment that the roles were reversed. Imagine that you are the one who is no longer happy with the relationship even though you love your partner. Would you like to stay in this relationship so as not to upset your partner or would it be better for both of you to put an end to it?

However, if you really believe that you can start over again with your Ex, there are chances to win your Ex again, only if you do it the right way.

In the Ex factor Guide you will find all the information's , all the tricks , all the ways that can help you get your Ex back.

Accept the separation and what it means to you

In whichever of the two categories your case falls into, what you have to do is the same: You have to accept what happened. And all that happened is that you had a relationship that came to an end. This is all you have to accept to move on in your life.

It is very important not to draw conclusions about what this separation means to you. Thoughts like "After my ex divorced me means no one will love me" are not only useless, they are lies. The only thing this separation means to you is that you and your ex were not good for a longer relationship.

It does not mean that someone was the villain of the case or that someone is doomed to live a life of loneliness. Separating from your ex simply means that he or she was not the right partner for you. And that's all you have to realize to move on and get over it.

Objectivity is the key

Many times the pain of separation can make you see the situation through a distorted lens, from where everything seems to be fine, your ex was the one and only and so you feel even more sad when you think about what you lost.

That is why it is important to see things as they really are. This does not mean that you should not recognize the good in your relationship. It will be helpful for you to try to see things objectively, as if seeing through the eyes of a third party.

Show understanding and act accordingly

Take some time to evaluate what you had and what you lost, without idealizing situations. It makes perfect sense to mourn your relationship . It is perfectly normal to be sad that you are divorced. This relationship meant a lot to you and it also offered you a lot.

At the same time, however, you must recognize what the relationship did not offer you and you must recognize that in one way or another, for one reason or another, the relationship ended.

Nobody tells you to act like nothing happened .(If someone is telling you this, just ignore them.) Give yourself the time it takes to face this huge change in your life. Give yourself the understanding you need, do not reject the feelings you feel.

It is important to understand that it is okay to feel sad, frustrated, angry perhaps. After a separation it is perfectly normal to feel that you have lost something valuable and that your whole life is changing. First of all, you have lost a person that you not only saw every day, but towards whom you had deep feelings.

So, show understanding and do not try to force yourself to forget or reject what happened and how it feels. "The only way out is through." The only way to get rid of clutter is to leave it at that.

What to do in your daily life to overcome a relationship that ended

Okay, you got here. You try to accept reality, you try to see the relationship that ended objectively and give yourself the opportunity to feel what he/she wants. What do you do next?

Below I will give you some practical steps to do after a separation.

1. First and foremost, you need to realize what things you can control and what you cannot control.

You can control yourself: your thoughts, your feelings, your behavior, your wants. You can not control your ex: his/her own thoughts, feelings, behavior and his/her wants. He/she controls these.

So with this knowledge, where do you think it benefits you to focus your attention and spend your energy? My advice is to focus on yourself, on what you can really control. So dedicate time to YOU. Give yourself love and attention. Control the thoughts you make.

Do not choose to think things that make you feel bad. If you have negative thoughts about yourself, it is up to you to stop them and choose to think of something different. Think about what can really help you right now. What do you know that will not help you during this period. Take matters into your own hands and decide how you will choose to spend your time and where you will focus your attention.

2. Once you realize that you can control the thoughts you are doing, decide to change your way of thinking to something that benefits you.

One thought you can have is "That´s exactly what I wanted". By thinking that your separation was exactly what you wanted it to be, you change the focus of your attention. Instead of thinking about the relationship that ended and getting lost in this maze of negativity, you can focus on what you are doing from now on.

I will explain to you exactly what I mean by a simple example:

Suppose a glass falls from your hands and breaks into pieces all over the floor. The mind begins, almost automatically, to focus on the negative. "Why did this happen; Well, how did the glass fall from my hands ?? "Oh, now there are glasses everywhere, it will take me a hundred hours to clean!"

By choosing the thought "This is exactly what I wanted to do" you essentially stop your mind before starting these automatic negative thoughts. If you wanted the glass to fall from your hands and become a thousand pieces then you will not take the time to think "But why did this happen ??".

Instead, you can go straight to the solution of the problem. That's exactly what I wanted to do, what can I do now to deal with it?

I hope you understand the logic with this example. Essentially this thinking changes your orientation from thinking about the problem (past) to thinking about the solution (present).

3. On a very practical level, see what changes you need to make in order not to be negatively affected.

You may, for example, have to remove your ex from all your social media. If you have common friends, it may be good for you to distance yourself for a while or to try to be with fewer friends, separately, and not with the whole group that includes the former.

You may need to talk to some friends or your parents and ask them not to talk to you about your ex or the relationship. At this stage, you need to think about yourself and not how you will look to those around you. If you have difficulty finding these practical things to do, imagine that you are a good friend of yours who has divorced and is trying to overcome it. What would you tell him/her to do? What advice would you give them? Give yourself this advice.

4. Changed perspective.

Even if the relationship and marriage is your number one priority right now, it will not help you to think about a relationship that has ended. Obviously it was not the right relationship for you, the relationship that will offer you what you want for your present and future.

Once this relationship is a story of the past, leave it in the past. Try not to focus on the fact that your current situation is not in line with your priorities. Or rather, your previous situation did not match your priorities. A relationship that ended ignominiously will not bring you closer to marriage.

But being single is definitely better and closer to finding the right relationship that will turn out the way you want, even in marriage.

5. Being free can have its ups and downs.

You may now be immersed in emotion and not be able to see beyond that. I guarantee you, however, that the fact that you are divorced, that you are free and unrelated at the moment, is the best thing that can happen to you.

You are a free person! Take advantage of your time as a free person! If you do not, you may regret it in the future.

The time will come when the obligations from your family or from your work will not allow you the freedom you have now. Think about it. This is a unique opportunity for you to do things that you dream of or want to do without having to think about a partner who may or may not support your choices.

You may want to go bungee jumping, you may want to enroll in Latin dances, you may want to travel to Brazil. The choice is yours and it is easier now than if you had to think about two people. No matter how we do it, when you are in a relationship you are limited.

The tastes and desires of your partner greatly shape your daily life. But now you can get on the first plane and ......... put your imagination to work.

This is what I had to tell you and I really hope you see your separation from a different angle.

Not as something that was done to destroy you but as something that was done to set you free and open the way for other, better prospects.

One last tip, which you can use not only to overcome a separation but also with any other difficult task or goal:

Take it one step at a time.

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