How To Save Your Marriage - How To Stop A Divorce.

Now that we have an outline on what NOT to do in your marriage, we can begin talking

about some of the things you can do to fix your marriage.

Again, for a topic this large, I won’t be able to cover every single issue or concern

you might have, so if you have a question you’re dying to find answers, please check also my other articles

that for sure will help you and answer your questions.

Although the list of marital problems is seemingly endless, there are several core issues that

all marriages face.

For example, at some point in time, both spouses will disagree on an issue and a discussion

will take place.

These serious discussions can sometimes escalate into full-blown wars.

I call these types of arguments MMA’s … what

MMA actually stands for here is “Marriage Murdering Arguments.”

MMA’s are what rip marriages apart… and to be honest, MMA’s aren’t always preventable,

so it’s important to learn how you can handle a serious argument as well as learn how to

prevent them.

I first have to say that arguments are completely normal and healthy in a relationship.

You’re never going to completely eliminate disagreements.

In fact, the occasional argument here and there can actually be quite productive, and

depending on how you handle the argument, it can tie you and your spouse closer together!

Here below, I’ll explain the best way to handle your arguments with

your spouse.

Dispute Defusing Tactic #1 – Let go of the desire to always be “right”.

I know, I know… you are ALWAYS right. I get it!

Some people have such a strong desire to always be right, but in a marriage, no one person

is always right.

And letting go of this constant desire to always be right is the first step.

See, when you and your spouse are in a Marriage Murdering Argument, there are no winners.

You both lose because neither of you are getting your way and feelings are getting hurt in

the process.

Even if you think you’ve won the fight, the satisfaction is fleeting, and knowing

that you hurt your partner just makes the argument feel pointless.

Learning how to let go of the desire to “be right” is going to be a real test for some

of you – but here’s a quick little exercise for you.

The next time you’re about to get into a big argument with somebody (it doesn’t have

to be your spouse), try and bite your tongue.

Try and willingly admit that the other person is right even though you don’t feel that way.

I promise you that if learn to just let go of the desire to always be right, you’ll

reduce your “MMA frequency” and you’ll be well on your way to improving your relationship

with your spouse.

Dispute Defusing Tactic #2 – Learn to take breaks from arguments.

When a huge argument is simply unavoidable, you need to learn how to control its temperament

so they don’t turn into full-blown MMA’s.

One of the best ways to do this is to take frequent breaks during an argument.

You can do this by telling your spouse that during the argument that you’d like to take

a moment to cool down before continuing the argument.

Don’t simply just leave and don’t ignore your spouse, just politely say that you need

a moment to burn off some steam.

One of the best practices contradicts a popularly held belief… have you ever heard the saying,

“The secret to a good marriage is to never go to bed angry?”

Well, unfortunately I’m going to have to say that that advice is a bunch of BS.

Sometimes if an argument remains unresolved, going to bed angry and approaching it with

a fresh and rational mindset the morning after is EXACTLY what it needs.

You’ll often find that, the next day, the argument wasn’t such a big deal and you’ll

allow the situation to blow over.

Dispute Defusing Tactic #3 – Learn to conduct arguments with respect.

Of course, I don’t need to say this but you can’t resort to name-calling during an argument.

This is a no brainier.

But there are a few other things you can do during an argument that will make them much

more productive and respectful.

For example, start using the word “I” instead of “you” during an argument.

Say you’re trying to tell your spouse that you hate it when they’re constantly late

for things.

Instead of saying, “You’re always the reason why we’re late,” say something

along the lines of, “I think we should try and do our best to leave a little earlier.”

Really think about those two statements for a minute – one sounds a lot less respectful

than the other, doesn’t it?

By making small little shifts here and there, you’ll be able to transform the way you

communicate with your spouse… and you’ll find that your spouse will start treating

YOU with the same level of respect in return.

Dispute Defusing Tactic #4 – Use humor during the argument.

Now, you have to be careful with this one…but injecting some well-timed humor can De-escalate

or avoid a potential argument quite effectively.

Take the last example I used… instead of saying something like, “You’re always

the reason why we’re late.”

You could say something along the lines of, “Honey, if we were any more late, we’d

have to take a pregnancy test.”

I know, that was a pretty awful joke…

I’m sorry, but you get my drift.

Using humor at the right time can send the right message without you looking like a complete

jerk.

These four tactics are only just brief preview of what you can learn in The Ex Factor Guide.

If you want to learn more about it, simply head over here

and watch the free video presentation on that website.

Of course, learning how to handle and prevent arguments is only a small sliver of what you

need to learn to save your marriage.

I mean, what if your marriage is in seriously dire straits?

What if your spouse has already announced that they want to leave you?

How do you convince him or her to give the marriage a second chance?

To answer these questions, you need to understand the core reasons why your marriage is failing

to begin with.

Is there a key disagreement you two share?

Do you lack common interests and the passion has waned?

Does your idea of parenthood differ greatly than you spouse’s?

But let me go back to addressing something that I just brought up – what if your spouse

already announced they wanted a separation?

What if they are dead set on leaving you?

This is a very difficult situation that has a number of possible solutions, but there

are a few rules you need to follow when your spouse says that they want a divorce.

Rule #1 – Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT go into “panic mode”.

Human beings are hard-wired to feel threatened when something significant is being taken

away from them.

But when it comes to trying to win back a spouse, hitting the panic button will often

times make things worse, and this erratic behavior can push your spouse further away

even faster.

As difficult as it is at the moment, you must maintain composure… even if all you want

to do is cry and scream.

Rule #2 – Buy time.

When your partner announces that he or she wants to move on, believe me, they have thought

it through.

There’s nothing, at that point, that you can do or say to convince them otherwise.

So the best thing to do in this situation is to try and buy as much time as possible.

Why?

Well, for a few reasons.

For one, you allow your spouse to cool down.

Your spouse probably had a difficult time announcing that they wanted a divorce or separation,

– they’re likely very emotional, and thus, now is not the time to berate them about their

issue.

If this has already happened, that’s fine, but you need to stop the begging, plead, and

overemotional outbursts.

Second, buying time allows you to come up with a solid plan for saving your marriage.

Again, marriage is a complex topic that is covered immensely in the Mend The Marriage program.

Mend The Marriage is a premium e-course that teaches everything you need to know to rebuild

your marriage from the ground up.

For more information about this program, just click here.

Rule #3 – Tell them you understand, but you’re willing to go the extra mile.

You must validate your spouse’s concerns.

He or she thinks that there’s a serious issue in your marriage and there’s no point

trying to talk them out of it at this point.

Tell them that you understand, but you’re willing to give your marriage a fair shot.

They may or may not disagree with you at the time, but you need to make it known that you

will be willing to put forth the extra effort.

Rule #4 – Give your spouse a little space.

It may be difficult right now, but for the next few days, give your spouse some breathing

room.

Give them some time for their emotions to settle.

At the same time, you also need space for your emotions to settle as well.

Out of all of these rules, it’s important to remember rule #2.

Buying time is essential to saving a marriage because it allows you time to figure out how

to best plan to save your marriage.

There’s another key issue that all marriages face that I’d like to talk about in this

article, and that’s complacency.

Yes, complacency is the deadly disease that can absolutely destroy the best of marriages,

and, when left unchecked, complacency can lead to divorce in a matter of months.

I know this because I’ve seen it happen.

In between trying to manage living expenses, work, stress, and maybe even children, making

an effort to spend quality time with your spouse can take the back seat.

I mean, it’s okay every one in awhile… after all, life can get pretty hectic, but

we simply cannot let ourselves go and we cannot let ourselves forget about the most important

person in our life.

Here are some simple actions that can take right now to make sure that complacency doesn’t

creep it and further destroy your marriage.

Complacency Killer Tip 1 - Force a meaningful conversation every once in awhile.

Having an open, honest, and respectful conversation on a regular basis can help us overcome a

lot of relationship problems.

Ensure yourself that you don’t turn this conversation into a touchy subject… try

and learn from each other.

Ask them about topics you might not have talked about…

I know this may be difficult if you’ve been in a relationship a long time, but brainstorm.

There are an infinite number of things your spouse would love to talk about with you.

Complacency Killer Tip 2 – Start being a little selfish, in the RIGHT way.

This tip probably sounded a bit weird, but what I’m really referring to is taking care

of yourself.

Go to the gym, eat better, and focus on making yourself a better person…NOT for your spouse,

but for yourself.

Do it for your own reasons.

Complacency Killer Tip 3 – Show your love and affection.

Simply saying “I love you” isn’t enough anymore.

Instead, show your spouse how much you love them with simple gestures.

Show excitement when you see each other, hold hands, make eye contact, and keep that spark

alive.

I know this one might be a little difficult to do depending on what situation you’re

in, but keep this tip in mind moving forward.

Complacency Killer Tip 4 – Go an adventures.

The easy thing for me to say in this segment is “plan a regular date night.”

You’ve probably already heard this advice… but date nights can feel too routine as well.

What you need to do is plan something extraordinary.

It doesn’t have to flashy or expensive, but you need to let your imagination run wild

with this one…

maybe plan a picnic at the top of a mountain, or maybe try going on a fun ATV tour.

Again, depending on where you’re at with your spouse, doing these things might not

be an option, but you must keep these tips in mind when things do eventually improve

between you and your spouse.

Complacency Killer Tip 5 – Use the element of surprise.

Again, routine equals BORING… especially when it comes to sex, conversation, or dates.

Using the element of surprise is a SUPER easy way to destroy routine and rouse positive

emotions.

So let your imagination run wild with this one and surprise your lover with something

they’d never expect.

Of course, this isn’t a totally exhaustive list of “Complacency Killers”, but it’s

a good start… again, stay tuned for more marriage saving posts over the course of

the next few weeks here.

So that just about for the moment.

I know that you probably have a lot of questions.

And I know I’ve said a few times in this article, but you really should check out the

free video presentation here.

In that video, you will find even more Marriage Murdering Mistakes, and also is revealed

the step-by-step system that is guaranteed to give your marriage a proper second chance.