Chapter 1

When you go over Ohio on a plane, the flight attendants will give you Dietz Nuts, and then you will have to make an emergency landing in Ohio. You’ll get out of your seat as soon as the plane touches down because people are running to get off the plane after they crash land in the wrong state. If they aren’t going to land on their own, they land with a parachute. That’s what happens when you land in Ohio. The first thing you see in Ohio is some big, fat, metal, flying thing that looks like a piece of trash from the 80s. But you walk away from it. The next thing you see is grass. Lots of grass. So much grass you don’t know if it can still be called grass anymore. It has long, green, fuzzy blades and grows through the ground. There is a lot of corn growing too. Corn is not supposed to grow this tall. And there are more corn fields than you can count and there are so many fields that you can only count them by twos and threes and even the numbers start getting lost somewhere around the middle. They are just vast fields of corn and you wonder how you got here. Soon, you look into the sky and see that everything you think might be the atmosphere is just part of the cornfield. Everything is made out of corn and everything is floating up there. There isn’t any solid ground, there is no ground at all. There is nothing else up there but corn. You are on the planet of corn. 

But it would be best if you hurried because the sooner you return to the plane, the sooner you can eat the Dietz Nuts. You try to catch a glimpse of the plane, but everything is covered in this cornfield. Then, you hear something behind you and turn to look. There is a giant, hairy animal standing about a foot tall. This giant creature is covered in fur and is wearing a tuxedo. It looks kind of like a gorilla. It holds a large club on its shoulder. You feel intimidated. “Hey, I’m gonna grab my Dietz Nuts before I get killed by this huge animal, alright?” you say to yourself. You reach your hand into your backpack and pull out the plastic bag with a handful of nuts inside. Your backpack starts making these weird noises and starts moving around. You realize that the backpack is talking, which is probably why this giant, hairy man was able to sneak up on you. The giant gorilla man laughs at you and says in English, “Don’t worry. I am only here to help you escape. My name is Alfredo, but everyone calls me "the gorilla." You nod along and agree with him and then tell him to thank you. “No problem,” he replies. He smiles and turns to leave. Suddenly, you notice a bunch of cows in the distance. Their eyes are glowing red. “Is that a fire?” you ask Alfredo, “Is there another fire? Are those cattle on fire?” you ask again. “Nope!” Alfredo responds. “They are on fire because of a giant fire lizard! It lives right over there!” The cows are indeed on fire, but the giant lizard is not a fire lizard. It is a flamingo.

You stare at the flamingo. “That’s strange,” you say. “Why is there a flamingo in the cornfields of Ohio?” Alfredo laughs at you, “Well, the giant lizard is the one who created the flamingo, and the flamingo is the one who controls the giant lizard.” You nod along and agree with him. “So, what do we do now?” you ask. “We wait for the giant lizard to come back,” Alfredo answers. “And then we run away from the flamingo.” You frown and shake your head. “What? Why are you frowning?” Alfredo asks. “Are you kidding me? We’re trapped in this crazy corn country with a giant flamingo who knows our names, who can control us, and who could easily kill us!"

“Oh, calm down,” Alfredo says. “It’s only a game. The giant flamingo is a fictional character."

Chapter 2

As the flamingo flies toward you, it says, “Hello children!” It then opens its mouth and fires three balls of flame straight at you. 

You scream and duck under a table as the flamingo begins firing balls of fire at you. The tables are burning. The flamingo shoots the balls of fire up into the air and then drops them back onto the tables. As you watch the balls of fire slowly descend, you are struck with the realization that they have no weight. The table is simply suspended in the air. The flamingo picks up each burning table ball and throws them straight into the flames below. In just seconds, the flamingo has destroyed everything in sight. The floor is blackened and completely burned. The flamingo is laughing wildly, and you can hear it say, “This is fun! This is very fun!” Then it stops and stares at you. “Where are my roasted potatoes? Did I lose them? I had such high hopes for roasted potatoes today…” Suddenly, the flamingo lets out a piercing shriek and flies directly at you. “Ow, ow, ow!” you cry as you duck and cover your head. The flamingo hits the wall above your head. It makes a loud clanging noise. The flamingo flaps its wings frantically as if trying to fly away. “The chicken! Where is the chicken?!” it shrieks and flies away with you in tow. The flamingo flies into a room that is full of mirrors. Its reflection is everywhere. You are looking straight at yourself. You try to jump out of the way but end up falling on your face. You are still staring at yourself in the mirror. The flamingo continues flying around you, saying, “The chicken! Where is the chicken?! Where are they?! Have they found the roasting pan yet?!” You try to stand, but end up sliding down the side of the mirror and crashing into the floor. Your nose begins bleeding, and a lot of blood drips into your eyes. You rub your eyes and wipe the blood off your nose. You try to get up again and fall face flat onto the ground. “My roast chicken!” the flamingo shouts. “Where are they? What do they look like? Do they have white feathers or red feathers? Which color is the chicken's coat?! Can they be blue, yellow, or purple? Is it orange?!” You begin to panic. You crawl around the mirror, trying to find anything that looks edible. Eventually, you stumble across a pile of burnt toast. You pick it up, smear it on your face and arms, and try to eat it. As you chew on the bread, the flamingo says, “Ah ha! Chicken! Here you are!” You swallow the bread and then spit it out. The flamingo flies past you and grabs hold of the roast chicken. It lifts the chicken and flies out of the room. The roasted chicken starts squawking angrily and flapping its wings. “Be still!” the flamingo tells the chicken. “I need to feed you to the giant lizard!” You stand up and follow the flamingo. You are walking between two enormous walls of fire. There are flames all around you. A couple of times you get singed. Once, you almost burn your clothes on fire. Finally, you get outside the flamingo’s house and the flamingo puts the chicken down on the grass. He takes off the top half of his body and reveals the chicken underneath it. The chicken has no feathers, no scales, and no legs. It is just a regular chicken. The flamingo then wraps itself around the chicken, lifting it high into the air, and begins flying toward the giant lizard.

“Wait!” you yell as the flamingo heads for the giant lizard. The flamingo turns around and glares at you. “What?” the flamingo asks angrily. “You forgot your roasted chicken!” you shout, pointing to where the roasted chicken fell when the flamingo picked it up. “Roasted chicken?” the flamingo screams. “How many people did you murder? Who ate the roasted chicken?! How dare you call me roasted chicken! I am not even real! This is just a simulation! Don’t talk about roasted chicken anymore or else I will drop the chicken right into your stomach!” Before you know it, the flamingo has dropped the chicken right into your tummy. “Ouch! Ow! That hurt!” you exclaim. You take the roasted chicken out of your stomach and throw it onto the grass. You walk through the blazing hot flames, trying not to touch anything as much as possible. The flamingo follows behind you, screaming, “Chicken, chicken, chicken! Get me more roasted chicken! I want some roasted chicken! I want some roasted chicken!”

Chapter 3

After traveling for a few minutes, you finally arrive at a massive wooden gate that is surrounded by tall fences. There is a sign on top of the fence:

Welcome to America

Please step through the gate

“Hey, hey, hey, hello! Hello, welcome to America!" an American voice says from the other side of the gate. "What do you mean you are sorry?" you hear from behind the gate. "You can't come to America from Ohio!"

The gate disappears and there is only more corn behind it The flamingo enters the cornfield and lands next to the chicken. “Sorry to keep you waiting for so long!” the flamingo says happily. “I was busy making sure that you didn’t get any funny ideas!”

"Who told you I wanted to come here?!" you demand. 

"I'm just following orders from my master! My master wishes for me to capture these kids!" The flamingo holds a frying pan in front of its face, “If you don’t surrender, I will use this frying pan against you!” It points to the frying pan. The chicken starts wiggling frantically, desperately trying to get away from the flamingo. The flamingo tries to pull the chicken closer by wrapping itself around it tightly, but the chicken is too heavy and the flamingo falls to the ground. “AHHHHHHH!!” the flamingo yells. “Let’s eat the chicken first! I will eat it later! Let’s see how many chickens he can kill before I start eating him!” The flamingo sits on the ground and reaches its arm into the fire and grabs a chicken leg. It pulls it out of the fire and starts eating the chicken. The chicken squirms and screams in pain as it struggles for freedom. “AAAAAAHHH!!!”

“Do not worry my little friend,” the flamingo says calmly as it eats the chicken leg. “Soon you will join me in the land of the flamingos.” The flamingo takes another chicken leg and then another. You notice a pair of scissors lying nearby. You reach over to grab one of them when a sudden gust of wind comes blowing through the field. “Ahhh!!!!” the flamingo screams. “AHHHH!!! THE FLYING PIGS ARE ATTACKING ME!!!”

You look in the direction of the flamingo and see the entire herd of flying pigs heading straight for it. They are so fast that they are almost faster than the speed of sound. They surround the flamingo and begin pecking at it and tearing it apart. “AHHHH!!!!!!!!! MY SON!!!” the flamingo screeches as it watches the pigs tear the chicken to pieces. “My son!! My son!!! My son!!!” The flamingo starts crying in agony and pain. “MY BROTHER! MY BROTHER!!” the flamingo continues to scream as it watches the pigs eat its dead son piece by piece. In desperation, the flamingo turns toward you.”YOU! YOU! WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY KITTEN!? GET IT OUT OF HERE NOW AND FIND HIM!!!!”

At first, the flamingo thinks you are one of those children that he killed and ate and decided that you are also responsible for killing his son. You immediately start running as fast as you can while keeping an eye on the flamingo, but before you go far enough, the flamingo suddenly shoots fireballs toward you. Fortunately, they explode just inches in front of you. You quickly duck, barely avoiding being hit by the fireballs. You start running in circles around the flamingo, dodging the fireballs. You run until you are completely exhausted. You collapse on the ground and close your eyes. You feel something poking you. You open your eyes and see the flamingo standing over you. “Are you done playing now?” the flamingo asks. “Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,” you answer. “Good. Then let us continue on our journey back home!” The flamingo extends its wings and flies into the sky.

As the flamingo starts flying back toward Earth, the world suddenly turns upside down. The flamingo begins falling and falls toward the Earth and the flamingo is still flying. The flamingo’s wing tips are facing the Earth and it is starting to sink downwards. The flamingo’s wings begin to break apart due to the gravity pulling at them. Suddenly, everything starts spinning and everything starts flying in the opposite direction. All of a sudden, everything stops turning and the flamingo’s whole body is hanging over nothing. The flamingo is hanging over nothing with nowhere to fall. You stare upward, looking for a way down. You look at the flamingo’s feet, noticing that they have disappeared. “Oh! What shall we do, little bird? We cannot hang above the Earth like this!” You grab the burning rope dangling below you. Using both hands, you pull yourself up. When you climb up enough, you stop climbing and find a large opening in the ground. You crawl along the hole and eventually reach the bottom of the hole. You look up and spot the flamingo in a cage. The cage is made out of golden bars, which are covered in flames. “Where are we?” You ask. “This is Hell!” the flamingo answers in disgust. “Why don’t you like Hell?” you ask curiously. “Because I am part of Hell! And now we need to find our brothers and sisters! I need to go to Hell!" it shouts while scratching the glass door with its claws. A͍̹͙ͪͫͨ̕͜n̲҉̡̔̋ͪ́͟ͅd̶̡̯͚̻͊ͦ̄ͅ ̏ͨ̓t̡͓̗̥̙͒̈͡h̸̵ͭͥ͟e̮n̨̢̛̦̼̳̏ͪ̉̏̊̊̀ͦ͗͘͝͡.̸̼̟͖̘͚̲̟́̈́́̄҉̧ͅ.̧ͫ͂.̬͒̕͢.̸̶͙̪̖̠̎ͬ͐̀