We are pretty good at being the root cause of our own misfortunes.  Below is a summary of some common terms thrown around the league:

• Brett'ed -- This is similar to the Heim-lickliter'ed only, it occurs over a string of tournaments. The 54 hole leader tanks on Sunday because "This is what happens when you play golf instead of going to church on Sunday"

• Bubba-Hansen'ed with a side of Bieber -- This event occurs when a tournament favorite (picked by 5 league members) misses the CUT, then spends the weekend playing golf with Justin F*cking Bieber. 

• D'Quisted -- This occurs when a player shoots a nice first round, blows up in the 2nd round and then gets DQ'd when he assaults a tour official. 

• E-Schwartz-ulation -- This occurs when an owner openly taunts another owners pick during the first round. The first owner's pick will play well on day one, then choke on day two, missing the cut.  Remember, don't piss-off the Fantasy Golf Gods!

• Elkington'ed -- This occurs when your player withdraws from the tournament due to injury. Named for Steve Elkington... if you know about his back, then it's obvious why.... 

• Elongated -- the actions of a league member attempting to stretch the odds of joining the Mathematically Eliminated list (thanks, Scott) Officially renamed "The Scott Hansen Memorial Mathematically Elongated List (formerly known has The Mathematically Eliminated List)"

• F*&king Will Zalatoris -- This occurs when you pick a player that misses the CUT. The player hasn't missed a CUT in over a year. He comes back the next week to earn a 2nd-place finish in a major event.

• Heim-lickliter'ed -- This occurs when the player completely goes in the tank during the last round of the tournament. For further explanation, consult Greg Norman i.e. The 1996 Masters Tournament. 

• Guido Golf -- When your golfer makes the cut in his first major, and celebrates with takeout pizza

• Kampa'ed-- Using the keen senses of your 3-year old daughter (and her talent with a red Crayola crayon) to choose the winner of a tournament. 

• Maggert'ed -- This occurs when your player withdraws from the tournament during play, for no apparent reason. Named after Jeff Maggert, who punished several owners with this offense in 1999. 

• Mehl'ed -- This occurs when the owner selects a player that isn't scheduled to play. 

• Miller Time'd -- Picking the right golfer at the right time, but you've had so much beer that you pick him for the wrong tournament. Bryan picked Geoff Ogilvy for the Chrysler Classic. Problem...Ogilvy played in, and won, the Accenture Match Play Championship, the OTHER tournament that week. 

• Ober-Hosed -- The situation is similar to the ever popular "Elkington'ed" when a player WD's due to injury, however getting "Ober-hosed" involves a new wrinkle; a player WD's due to injury during a tournament in which he was guaranteed money simply for finishing. 

• Paine'ed -- Picking a player you already picked this season. 

• Paine in the Johnson - having the league automated system "misinform" a league member that their pick for the tournament has withdrawn. The withdrawn player actually didn't withdraw, but wins the tournament (see Dustin Johnson 2019 WGC - Mexico).

• Parnevik'ed -- This occurs when your player is scheduled to play, but doesn't show up for his tee-time. Named for Jesper Parnevik who not only failed to show up for a tournament, but failed to contact the tournament directors. 

• Schwartz'ed -- Problems with your putter named Goofey. 

• Shigeki'ed-- A very rare 2-week condition:

  • •   Week #1 - Player makes the cut then finishes in last place.

    •    Week #2 - A different owner picks the same player from week #1 ... and wins the tournament. 

• Taking It Up The Schwartz--League member submits a pick to the commish, then changes his/her pick at the last moment. The original pick goes on to win the tournament. 

• The Scott Hansen Memorial Mathematically Elongated List (formerly known as The Mathematically Eliminated List) -- Now permanently renamed to honor his historically entertaining autocorrect.

• Tiger-Clipped -- Earning a CUT the week you pick Tiger Woods. It feels kind of like getting a vasectomy performed by Tiger...with his 9-iron. 

• Turnquist'ed -- Failing to turn in a pick for the tournament.