Truist Championship & ONEflight Myrtle Beach Classic

Mr. Commish,

My fantasy golf season has been no bueno. In four of the last six weeks, I have earned $0 through a combination of missed cuts and the extremely rare "Cant(p)lay...It's Knapp Time" double withdrawal, as it has now been dubbed, at the Cadillac. And the two cuts I did make during that stretch earned me a whopping $64K. Yikes! What is the fastest that someone has been mathematically eliminated from championship contention? I am well on my way to unlocking that ominous status.   

With no rest for the heavy hitters, we welcome you to the Truist Championship in Charlotte for back-to-back $ignature Events. We return to the Quail Hollow Club after a one-year stint at the Philadelphia Cricket Club since Quail was hosting the PGA Championship last season. Let's see, which golfer should I curse this week? Scottie is off the hook, as I already used him at the Arnie. Young Mr. Spieth will be using the Truist as his final tune-up for next week's PGA, which is the last major he needs to complete his career grand slam. However, he also escapes my wrath, as I used him for a crowd-pleasing T63 at the Valero.

But, what is this? It doesn't seem I have selected this poor soul. Showing signs of fantastic form, this 26 year-old phenom and former Texas Tech Red Raider standout has finished no worse than T5 in four of his last five events. Surely, I can put a stop to his excellent play! Hear me now and believe me later, Mr. Young Hotshot from Eslov, Sweden; you have no idea what you are in for this week. Providing you don't experience an inexplicable Scheffler-like arrest and detainment on your way to the course, the opening scene of The Naked Gun where Nordberg falls into a wedding cake and steps in a bear trap will seem tame compared to what will happen the moment you set foot on the driving range. What sort of Roy "Tin Cup" McAvoy-esque horrible break will occur in the long, winding creek on the 18th hole at Quail Hollow? Just you wait, my friend! Thoughts and prayers for this week's unsuspecting fantasy golf victim, Mr. Ludvig Åberg!

Not to be forgotten, we have the ONEflight Myrtle Beach Classic, a deescalated, junior varsity, B-squad event for those not in the Truist. The purse of this tournament probably would qualify as a $ignature Event on the Korn Ferry Tour, so there isn't much at stake here. My victim of choice is one of our beloved Commish's countrymen. I am going "All Scandinavian" with my lineup, baby, and not in a sexy, Swedish Bikini Team way, either! This lumbering Finn probably drinks glögg for breakfast, and he will want a double when he finds out I picked him. From Nokia, Finland, may the Lord bless and keep Mr. Sami Valimaki!