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The Arnold Palmer Invitational & the Puerto Rico Open
Thursday, March 5thThe Arnold Palmer Invitational & the Puerto Rico Open
My guy, Michael Thorbjornson, missed the cut at the Cognizant. I suppose I hadn't considered that the Thunder Cub might get caught by The Bear Trap at PGA National. A bear trap is designed specifically for trapping bears, after all. I will make a note of this for next year. If you're not winning, you're learning, as they say!
We find ourselves at the Bay Hill Club in Orlando for yet another $ignature Event, the prestigious Arnold Palmer Invitational...presented by MasterCard! I love how advertisements have creeped into just about everything these days, and I realize I have been missing out. "Presented by Jack Daniels," "Brought to you by Titleist," or "Driven by Audi" would make nice taglines for the monetization of the weekly Jean's Musings column. I doubt they will be doing a Modelo beer commercial about me, but I really should inquire. ("You've been sitting around in your sweatpants, typing away, researching stupid anecdotes about golfers for hours. Your attempts at humor are amateurish at best, but you remain undeterred. You could be spending your time doing more important things, but you don't. You are a fighter...and THIS is your reward!") My agent has been slacking, so I need to have some hard conversations with him.
We have all the heavy hitters to choose from this week, and mine is the heaviest hitter of all. He is the closest we have to a "sure thing" out here on TOUR. At age 29, he is already 3rd on the all time career money list (!) and has racked up 20 wins, so he's pretty good at golf. While I am sure he is not looking forward to whatever Irish fare Rory will be serving at the Masters Champions Dinner next month ("Mmmm, the shepherd's pie and soda bread are divine, Rory!"), my guy, a previous winner of The Arnie, is using everything as motivation to lay waste to everyone in sight to continue his dominance in the golfing universe. Also, he hasn't been arrested yet this season, so that is a good thing. Give it up for the pride of the Texas Longhorns, husband of Meredith, father of Bennett, and a man with an encyclopedic knowledge of The Office, Mr. Scottie Scheffler!
But wait, there's more! Those who didn't qualify for The Arnie are being shipped off to Puerto Rico for a deescalated event. Welcome to the Puerto Rico Suave Open at the Grand Reserve Club in Rio Grande, Puerto Rico Suave. I had never heard of my guy until last week. From Coquitlam, British Columbia, he is no doubt reeling from his Canadian squad's stinging defeat in Olympic hockey at the hands of the U.S.A. But I am going to take a flyer on him because he posted a T13 at the Cognizant, so he's in pretty good form and should perform well in an event with a depleted field. Three cheers for a guy who learned the game of golf from his father, Brad, a Class "A" assistant golf coach with PGA Canada, and a man who claims to be awesome at the NBA 2K video game series, Barry University's very own, A.J. Ewart!
** Comish's Note ** I copied Jean's Musings into Google Gemini and asked it to create an image with only ONE caviot: use "The Most Interesting Man in the World" add campaign as your inspiration. Enjoy!!!
The Cognizant Classic
Thursday, February 26thThe Cognizant Classic
Mr. Commish,
We say goodbye to California for the golf, and we also say goodbye to the Winter Olympic Games. I must say I got into the curling this time around, especially with so many of the athletes having Minnesota connections. I still don't completely get the strategy, not entirely sure how the scoring works, and the "thinking time" clock seems like something the PGA TOUR should formally implement. But, overall it was very cool and fun. The sport could probably be improved if once per "end" they allow you to pop a paper bag before your opponent releases a stone, or if you could body check one, but not both, of the sweepers. Maybe they will make that an X-Games sport or something? Extreme Curling on ESPN8, "The Ocho," called by Cotton McKnight and Pepper Brooks! I like it, and this needs to happen.
Anyhow, we are now off to the Sunshine State for The Florida Swing™! Welcome to the Cognizant Classic in the Palm Beaches, the tournament formerly known as The Honda Classic. My guy is a young, up-and-coming potential star in the making on the PGA TOUR. He had a great debut on the TGL last month in the nearby SoFi Center, so let's hope the close proximity to this week's event gives off some good vibes. There was a story that his high school golf coach nicknamed him "Thunder Cub" because his last name apparently translates to "Son of a Thunder Bear." That sounds kind of Dances With Wolves-ish when his name is clearly Scandinavian. But I am also not a licensed etymologist, if there is such a thing, nor do I speak any of the Nordic languages. I do hope it is true, however, because there should be nobody better to conquer The Golden Bear's imposing "Bear Trap" at PGA National than the Thunder Cub himself. To borrow heavily from some of the great poets and orators of our time, the rap group N.W.A.:
Straight outta Wellesley, crazy Massachusetts guy Michael
Thunder Cub hittin' drives like a rifle
When he tees off, all bets are called off
Sinkin' putts and birdies are hauled off
A warm round of applause for the former Stanford standout, Mr. Michael Thorbjornsen!
** Comish's Note ** My Dances with Wolves name is "Hits with Head". Anyone that was on the Summit Broomball team understands the origin...
The Genesis Invitational
Thursday, February 19thThe Genesis Invitational
Mr. Commish,
A fair to middling performance for my guy, Robert MacIntyre, last week at Pebble. At least there was no cut, so I was guaranteed some money. One thing I missed in my half-baked internet research before selecting him was that he and his partner just welcomed a baby a couple weeks ago. That might have changed my strategy, as a new child could definitely take some focus away from golf, but it is what it is. On a loosely related note, Bobby Mac outkicked his coverage, as they say in football parlance. Well done, Bob!
We stay in California for back-to-back $ignature Events. Welcome to the Genesis Invitational in Pacific Palisades! Yes, we are back at the historic Riviera Country Club after the tournament was moved to Torrey Pines last year. Riviera reportedly has a staggering $250-$300K initiation fee with annual dues in the neighborhood of $25-$40K. Also, I am fascinated by the dress code policies of elite clubs. Riviera's policy is one of the best I have seen. It features multiple drop down menus that explain the dress code depending on specific club locations or activities. The takeaway message is you better leave your thong at home, skip the cargo shorts, and I can no longer show up in my Fletch-themed "Boyd Aviation" T-shirt (see the accompanying photo that I am told is posted in the Riviera security guard shack).
My guy won the Genesis the last time the event was played here. He's been playing some great golf, nearly lifting the trophy in Phoenix were it not for a late and unfortunate miscue that let Gotterup back into the picture, and he contended at Pebble. With 11 PGA TOUR wins to his name, including a Masters victory (along with the best and most popular Masters Champions Dinner the following year), there is no reason he can't add victory #12 to his curriculum vitae. From Ehime, Japan, give it up for one of the most decorated players to come out of the Land of the Rising Sun, Mr. Hideki Matsuyama!
The AT&T Pebble Beach Pro-Am
Thursday, February 12thThe AT&T Pebble Beach Pro-Am
Mr. Commish,
This week we are back in California for the remnants of the old "Crosby Clambake." Of course, I am talking about the AT&T Pebble Beach Pro-Am. Whenever I see the name "AT&T" I can't help but think of the hilarious, underappreciated, and inexplicably poorly rated Dudley Moore comedy, Crazy People. This film from 1990 was about an advertising executive committed to a psychiatric hospital who, with the help of the other patients, came up with a series of "truthful" advertisements for various companies. They had a great one for AT&T.
I am still licking my wounds following The Brooks Koepka Fiasco™ at Phoenix. There is an old fantasy golf saying that goes, "Only one made cut in the first four events is not, as Martha Stewart would say, a good thing." It is our first $ignature Event of the year as well, and all the big dogs are here, so I need to get my act together. And there is no better way to get my act together than with this guy. He's playing some solid golf, and the somewhat coastal European nature of the courses should give this Scotsman some good vibes. The only thing listed in his PGA TOUR bio is that he played shinty in his youth. Shinty, in addition to being ripe for a profane autocorrect, appears to be like some Scottish variant of field hockey. The Internet wanted to make it very clear to me that shinty is NOT to be confused with Irish hurling, which I assumed was something that happened after a rough night in Dublin's Temple Bar district. Anyhow, I digress. Put your hands together for the man with six wins internationally, Ryder Cupper, former McNeese State star (Can you even imagine a Scottsman interacting with the locals deep in the Cajun country that is Lake Charles, Louisiana? They couldn't possibly understand anything the other was saying!), and one of the few lefties on tour, "Bobby Mac" himself, Mr. Robert MacIntyre!
The WM Phoenix Open
Thursday, February 5thThe WM Phoenix Open
Mr. Commish,
This week we head to Arizona for the biggest party on the circuit, the WM Phoenix Open. I am reminded of a story that roving reporter Colt Knost once told about Pat Perez, a former Arizona State Sun Devil standout who lived in the area and played out of Whisper Rock. Perez rarely ever participated in the hometown Phoenix Open because of a dislike for the unruly crowds coupled with his short fuse. Colt shared an in-round exchange he had with Pat during one of the few times he played the event:
Colt: "How many people have you wanted to punch today?"
Pat: "How many people are here?"
Certainly, it is a challenging environment to play in; one that Shooter McGavin would definitely not approve of. Nothing is for everyone, as they say. But my guy can handle the chaos. In fact, he told the lovely and talented Amanda Balionis during his Sunday interview that he loves the chaos. After a few years of wandering through the LIV Golf desert, he made mucho dinero but was left feeling unfulfilled, longing for the joy and satisfaction that only real competition can provide. Sure, he won five times on LIV. But is it fun going through life like you are playing your Nintendo on the "easy" mode, beating the likes of Richard Bland and Jason Kokrak every week? He was essentially living the lyrics from George Michael's song, Waiting (Reprise); "And the road that I have walked upon, well it filled my pockets and emptied out my soul."
But now, the prodigal son returns! This five-time major champion and two-time winner at Phoenix has been welcomed back to the PGA TOUR with arms wide open. Fresh off a made cut at The Farmers, he's got his sea legs back and is ready to bring the familiar TPC Scottsdale golf course to its knees. Like Jordan coming out of retirement, or the Spice Girls announcing a reunion tour, the raucous crowd will rally their support, cheer him wildly, and lead him to the promised land. Give it up for the member of the Florida State Hall of Fame, jet skier, paddleboarder, Green Bay Packers aficionado, older brother of Chase, and husband of an actress featured in Sharknado 5: Global Swarming, Mr. Brooks Koepka!
The American Express
Thursday, January 22ndThe American Express
Mr. Commish,
Back in college, a buddy of mine had one of those stackable component-based stereo systems. I am talking about the kind with a rack that housed an amplifier, equalizer, turntable, dual cassette deck (to make mix tapes for pretty girls, as one did), CD player, and the faux wood grain speakers that were big enough to qualify as furniture. The thing was so huge that it took up an entire wall of the cramped dorm room. Now we can play music that fills the room on tiny, Amazon Echo sized devices. And do you remember 30 years ago when you simply put the key in the ignition of your car and turned it? I never imagined there would come a time when my car's "key" wasn't even a key, that the key needed a battery to function, and that I would need to watch a frickin' YouTube video to learn how to replace said battery like I did just last week.
Which brings us to this week's tournament, the old Bob Hope Desert Classic. Way back when, they played iconic old tracks like Indian Wells and the Thunderbird Country Club. There are no more "Classic Girls," and no longer is a "Classic Queen" crowned (past queens included the likes of Jill St. John, Lynda Carter, and Barbara Eden). Bing Crosby, Glen Campbell, Hoagy Carmichael, and Don Adams no longer roam the grounds for the celebrity pro-am, and nobody is driving the complimentary vehicles provided by the longtime tournament sponsor, Chrysler. Today, it's just called The American Express. The pro-am has become somewhat corporate and sanitized with no trace of old Hollywood. I am constantly reminded that the only thing consistent in life is change.
What has not changed, however, is that this event is a birdie fest, so you need someone who can go really low. My guy will do nicely. A two-time PGA TOUR winner, and a winner at the DP World Tour's Dubai Invitational just last week (my man bested a field that included Rory and Shane), he is in terrific form. A dude who cites Michael Phelps as his favorite athlete outside of golf, he has a killer instinct and competitive drive that will make him a rising star in this league. Apparently he is really good at ping pong too, so there are obviously no limits to this man's talents. From Columbia by way of the University of Arkansas, three cheers and a "Woo pig sooie!" for the one, the only, Mr. Nico Echavarria!
The Sony Open in Hawaii
Thursday, January 15thThe Sony Open in Hawaii
Mr. Commish,
With a big yawn and a stretch of the arms, the top pro golfers are awakening from their winter slumber with the dawn of a new PGA TOUR season! Although, was there really a winter slumber, and is there really even an off-season anymore? With the team events, Tiger's invitational, the Grant Thornton combined PGA-LPGA event, the silly season fall tournaments to solidify the top 125, the Optum Skills Challenges, and now the TGL, it is hard to tell when one season ends and another begins. Remember years ago when they moved the TOUR Championship from November to August because the golf season was "too long?" Apparently, those days have disappeared like red taillights in the rearview mirror.
Due to unusual circumstances with no tournament of champions at Kapalua this year, our first event is the Sony Open in Hawaii. Consequently, we have a lot of guys in the field who might not otherwise be here ready to kick off the New Year. We don't really have a good idea what kind of form the heavy hitters are in, as many of them haven't played a truly meaningful event since the FedEx or Ryder Cup. So this is sort of a "feel good" pick, as he hasn't won anything since the 2023 ZOZO Championship. However, he had some close calls in recent years, so you would have to think he is close to closing the deal again. A smart kid, he has a BA in Business Administration from Cal-Berkeley's Haas School of Management. Did you know the Haas School of Management ranked third in the 2020 U.S. News and World Report for "Best Undergraduate Business Programs?" At least he always has that to fall back on if the golf thing doesn't work out. More importantly, there should be some good vibes since he has familial ties to the Hawaiian Islands thanks to his father, Blaine. From prestigious La Cañada Flintridge (a.k.a, the "Edina of California"), a round of applause for the two-time major champion, Ryder and President's Cup veteran, and (for tax purposes) Las Vegas resident, Mr. Collin Morikawa!
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