Thinking that I didn't really deserve to be somewhere. Believing that I simply got lucky. The constant fear of being outed as an imposter. I could go on listing the terrible thoughts that constantly raced through my mind.

Regardless of what words I used, there was a central theme: I did not belong.

Not only did I not belong, I was also the only outsider. Everyone else had earned their place but me. This was a slippery slope I fought against continuously. In retrospect, the thing that I regret most about allowing these thoughts to make themselves at home isn't becoming my own enemy; it's the lost opportunities because I didn't think I was capable or worthy.

The place where my imposter syndrome held me back the most was in the lab.

When I started, I knew almost nothing about what my lab did aside from what the name of the work implied. There is nothing wrong with that, but I felt ashamed. It is not easy to admit ignorance when you are working amongst brilliant minds.

Because I spent so much time trying to hide my lack of knowledge and pretending that I knew what I was doing, I created a paradox for myself. I was too afraid to ask questions and because I was too afraid to ask, I struggled learning the knowledge that would cure me from being an imposter.

My imposter syndrome kept me trapped as an imposter.

There were times when I thought I had overcome my imposter syndrome. Finally, I'd think to myself. What a joy it was to notice that the intrusive thoughts that held me back were gone.

The only problem was that imposter syndrome returned with a vengeance once the tiniest amount of self-doubt slipped into my mind. It's amazing how easily months of work can be undone in one moment of insecurity.

There is one thing that Aaron said about imposter syndrome that really stuck with me:

"You'll never be truly free from imposter syndrome if you hold yourself to that expectation."

Accepting the highs and lows as part of the journey helped me ground myself. Maybe I will never completely overcome my imposter syndrome; that's okay.

Graduation is an exciting milestone but also a daunting one. I had been planning to go to grad school the Fall after finishing my undergrad. I got rejected instead. Not only did I have to come to terms with the rejection, I had no plan for what to do after I graduated.

For me, school has always been a safe place. Raised in a family that highly valued education, staying in school and pursuing a college education was never a question. My job was to do well at school. Unfortunately, being able to study something and recall it for a test was the only thing I was confident about.

Reflecting upon my journey, grad school was not the right path for me at the time. Rather, it was the safest option for me; a PhD in my hands was the only way I believed I could become qualified for any job that wasn't "being a student".

As odd as it may sound, I wish I had exposed myself. I would have had a more fruitful research experience if I had just looked at my mentor and said that I didn't know a single thing and felt lost 90% of the time.

One thing I always encourage current scholars to do is to ask questions. That is an easy statement for me to make now. However, how do you ask questions when you don't even know what you don't know?

I don't have an answer to that yet. I don't think I ever will.

What I think I should have done was to be honest about how I felt. Owning up to how little I knew and how lost I felt would have given my mentors the opportunity to provide me with the support I desperately needed.

People won't always know what you need to be successful without you being explicit.

I wish I had cared less about not having all the answers. In hindsight, I realize that no one had all the answers - which is exactly why we were there.

What is the point of taking a class if you already know everything that will be taught?

What is the point of researching something if we know everything about it already?

There would be no point. No one has all the answers so don't expect yourself to. After all, no one expects you to. And trust me, if someone expects you to have all the answers, they probably aren't worth your time.

The stress of trying to hide my ignorance was overwhelming. My advice for anyone who relates to that is to care less about what you think of yourself and what others think of you. Of course, that is easier said than done. Try saying to yourself, "I don't know and that is okay." Positive reaffirmation takes time to be internalized.

Like I said, the shame of people knowing how much I was struggling was a major issue. This resulted in me not asking my mentor questions during our weekly meetings. Consequently, my problems often took longer than necessary to be resolved.

When I began noticing just how much this was being a barrier to my success, I began creating agendas for my meetings with mentors. This was just a list of things I needed to talk to them about and included:

• How my research is going

• Challenges I was facing

• Next steps for my project

• Anything that needed to be signed

As well as anything else that came up when I was creating this list.

The agenda helped keep me on track during the meetings and gave me a way to hold myself accountable for asking for help.

Take a breath and let it go. As much as you may not believe in a given positive affirmation, say it to yourself over and over when you're beating yourself up for not being good enough or when that voice at the back of your mind is telling you that you do not belong.

"I am good enough. I do belong."

"I am here to learn, so it's okay if I don't know."

Actively changing the negative thoughts you are having into a positive thought is important. Doing so gives you a moment to recognize what you am feeling and address those thoughts.

On particularly bad days, I sometimes write out the positive affirmations that I want myself to believe.

There is a lot of research on imposter syndrome that has been done since the term was first coined in 1978. You may be interested in reading the original research paper about imposter syndrome: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1979-26502-001

Qualitative research provides rich and vibrant insight into the human experience. One prominent qualitative researcher whose work leaves me feeling inspired is Brené Brown. Dr. Brown has authored many books, including "The Gifts of Imperfection".

Additionally, Dr. Brown is very open about how she relates to the topics she studies. In this video, Dr. Brown talks about the power of vulnerability. For those of us who experience imposter syndrome, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is not something we embrace readily, but it is sometimes exactly what we need to permit ourselves.

Body language can reveal a lot about a person, so what does your body language say about you? Learning to read your own body language can help you understand how you are feeling in a given situation.

If body language is reflective of our inner thoughts and feelings, what would happen if we consciously changed our body language? Would that impact the way we felt in the same situation?

In this video, Amy Cuddy explores this question. After watching this video, consider whether power posing is something you can integrate into your life.

While research papers and journal articles are great, they aren't everyone's favorite way of learning about sensitive topics as they often lack the human element which has been abstracted to an extent in order to focus on the topic at hand.

Hearing others' experiences and stories helps many people. There are many blogs out there in which people talk about their own experiences and offer practical support. Here is one such blog: https://www.gradpsychblog.org/cared-perspectives-imposter-syndrome-as-a-minority-the-struggle-is-real/#.YYWPW2DMI2w

TED talks and Podcasts are also a great medium to hear about others' experiences with imposter syndrome. The video attached is a talk by Lou Solomon who talks about her own experience of dealing with imposter syndrome and learning to manage it.

A growth mindset nurtures persistence and resilience in the face of adversary. While fixed mindset and growth mindset are often framed as being two states, you will find that it is more of a scale. You don't have to have one or the other, but you might find yourself somewhere in between.

Building a growth mindset takes conscious effort. There will be times when we find ourselves slipping into a fixed mindset. It is important to recognize where we are on this scale, and from there, we can work through the barriers we face.

In this video, Eduardo Briceno talks about the importance of nurturing a growth mindset and gives practical advice on how to do that with yourself. Use this link to skip the sports analogy if that doesn't appeal to you: https://youtu.be/pN34FNbOKXc?t=118