Chapter 4
Role Play
Family members: Brother and sister (or two sisters). You think that your sister took an expensive piece of furniture from your father’s house after he passed away without discussing it with you. Your sister took care of your father in his final days and had a key to his house. Your sister was also in control of your father’s finances and you think she took all his money from the bank during his final days. Now you are angry at your sister.
Two roommates are living in a house, with one television. You try to treat each other equally. Recently your roommate decided that he/she wants to watch some TV programs that are on at the same time as sporting events. Meanwhile, you want to watch sports on the weekend and some weekday nights. The negative atmosphere is so bad in the house that you decide to confront your roommate about it.
Two romantic partners are having a conflict overtime management. You want to spend time with your buddies and even invite one or two to join you and your woman friend when you go out together. She doesn’t approve of all of your friends and finds two to be particularly offensive and a bad influence on you. She also wants to spend more time with you without your buddies hanging around.
A friend left her boyfriend and asked to move in with you. Kristi spends too much money. She likes to buy a lot of clothes. She never has enough for meals or gas, so she is always asking you for money to buy food or gas. She wants “a loan” from time to time and sometimes doesn’t have enough to help pay the apartment rent and utilities. You are fortunate to have enough money, but think it is unfair that she isn’t pulling her share and needs money from you so often. Kristi often doesn’t pay back the money she owes you.
Two resident hall roommates: Bryon comes home late and rowdy from the local bars on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights. Sometimes he brings guys with him. On occasion one has even slept over because he was too drunk to drive. You have Friday classes and need to go to work early every weekend.
Two sisters: Tiffney borrows your clothes without your permission. She also occasionally snoops through your room and tries to find your diary, cell phone, and other personal items.
Married seniors: Husband recently retired and now spends all his time in the house. He doesn’t do any household chores and gets in his wife’s way.
Using I-statements can be a great way to minimize defensiveness. What are other examples of behaviors we can apply to avoid accusatory or defensive remarks?
How can we balance assertiveness and empathy when addressing conflicts in a team setting?
Are “I-Statements” appropriate for every type of conflict? Are there some conflicts that require using “you” instead of “I” for better results?
Is it possible to avoid triggering or upsetting words when mind-mapping? The book states that one should jot all words that come to mind, so is this simply a part of the process that can be addressed?
Do you think I-statements are effective? And do you think I-statements can lead to gaslighting?
Do you think it's impotant to have a high IQ to be more creative?
Do you think you are a good listener or do you struggle with listening?
How can one avoid using You statements when trying to express how the other person’s actions made them feel?
How do you deal with someone who really does not want to cooperate with assertive communication and looks for fights where they should not be?
How can we focus and listen to the other person if this person doesn’t listen to us ?
I would love to hear more about the lateral and vertical ways of thinking. This text had described lateral as concerning its ideas with restructuring, patterns, and provoking new ones while vertical thinking is done through a series of steps. If we could dive a little deeper into the practical applications of these two different routes, I think I would better understand the concept.
Learning to take responsibility for what you say is a form of maturity.
How do you properly engage someone with an uncomfortable topic or ask them questions that are not fun to answer in order to not immediately put them on the back foot?
Do you believe that being assertive is beneficial to an argument or does it make you feel defensive?
I would like to discuss the Six Hats method in class because I feel like the book/chapter only talks about it very little.
When trying to follow the six step confrontation process, what are some was we can avoid informational reception apprehension in ourselves?
Are there people in the class that often use the S-TLC system and if yes, how much has it changed your attitude in conflicts?
Is a “prepared” conflict more effective than “spontaneous conflict”?
Why is it difficult to listen? Why is it something that needs to be learned and not something that we just do?
One way to resolve conflict is to be creative. Why is it then that creativity is frowned upon and less favored than conformity and success-oriented people in society. Do you think this is right?
Which system would you say works best when dealing with a conflict?
When taking a step back in an argument and practicing the S-TLC approach to calm down, what is an appropriate way and time to reopen the conversation?
During the first step in the S-TLC process, how can one stop or take a break without coming off as weird to the other parties involved in the conflict/argument? I think that taking a break and time to think about what I have to say first is important, but the breaks are usually up to 10 seconds long. Something that I have noticed is that when other people take a longer break, they seem like they are insecure about their opinions or they are coming up with a lie or acknowledging others’ points.
When confronting someone and using I-language, how do we discuss it in a way that does not sound selfish?
Besides being task-oriented and thinking critically, what are other examples of trained incapacities? What skills or abilities are generally positive and helpful, but limit our creativity when it comes to conflict situations?
What opinions do my classmates have on the S-TLC System?