Chapter 3
Case Studies
1. Which conflict theory discussed in this chapter best explains this conflict?
2. What is really the cause of the conflict?
3. How could or should one resolve this conflict?
4. Have you (or someone you know) had a conflict that illustrates this theory? How was it handled?
Conflict situation #1:
“I realize we made a serious commitment when we married, but I am unhappy with the way things are going, because I am holding down two jobs to make ends meet, and you can’t even find a part‐time job. I also come home and find the house a mess. I don’t understand why you can’t do more to pull your weight in this relationship. It seems unfair to me.”
Conflict situation #2:
“I realize I am under a lot of pressure at work. I am worrying about losing my job if I’m not more productive at work. That’s why I’ve been so difficult lately and easily upset. I realize that we fight a lot when I am under pressure at work. I expect you to understand that I can’t say anything at work, so sometimes I come home and take it out on you. I am sorry I really erupted last night and got carried away. I am not usually like that, you know.”
Conflict situation #3:
“I was really upset with my partner, Sarah, yesterday, but she deserved it. I am getting tired of her putting me down in front of my friends. I wanted to get even for all the pain she has caused me. Yesterday, I got my chance because her parents joined us for dinner. When I was alone with her mom, I told her that Sarah is a terrible housekeeper, so I do all the house-work. Then, we aren’t embarrassed when people visit. I told her she said her father did all the housework when she was growing up (which I knew wasn’t true). Later, her mother must have said something to her because Sarah went to bed early and locked the bedroom door. I must have hit a nerve. I had to sleep on the couch, but it was worth it. I felt good about getting even with her for all the nasty things she tells my friends.”
How can the use of theoretical knowledge contribute to preventing conflicts and improving conflict management skills in different situations?
How can one discern the feeling of uncertainty between insecurities that might bubble up in a relationship?
In regards to Uncertainty Theory, is it better to be direct and ask the other party if there is a conflict, or to wait for them to indicate it themselves?
The authors states that those who do not talk about uncertainty-causing events generally express regret avoiding talking about them. I can’t help but slightly disagree.
How can I use the Psychodynamic theory to my advantage?
Can defense mechanisms ever be healthy coping strategies, or are they always detrimental to our mental well-being?
Have you ever experienced or dealt with someone with displaced conflict?
I would like to have the discussion of ‘anxiety’ more and gather other people's opinions on that topic. I know it can be a sensitive topic, but I myself struggle with anxiety and sometimes it can be the smallest thing that triggers it.
Why do you think people deal with or make false conflicts?
Is there such a thing as communicating too much in a relationship? How can we balance communicating enough to reduce uncertainty with communicating too much, which can make a relationship feel draining or emotionally taxing?
Why is it difficult to apologize or own up to your actions after an overblown conflict?
Why do we sometimes feel the need to release our frustrations on those closest to us instead of seeking support from them about our problems?
Based on the system theory, how can we separate the system from the conflict? How can we turn a system conflict into a one person conflict that is able to resolve in a matter of minutes?
How can we identify and address a person’s attribution in a conflict? Will analyzing whether they are external or internal help resolve the issue? When looking into the fundamental attribution errors it can be evident that we may misunderstand the root of conflicts if we overlook external factors.
Is there a way to completely remove prior inferences about people when going into conflict?
Do you assess and compare the costs and rewards in relationships to determine if it is one worth staying in?
Is social exchange theory a healthy way to evaluate a relationship?
Based on the social exchange theory does your parents relationship have an effect on how you view your relationships?
The concept of comparison level for alternatives (CLalt) seems crucial in understanding how conflicts arise when a third party enters the picture. Can you elaborate on how this dynamic plays out in real-life scenarios, especially in professional or personal relationships?
Is the comparison level a good tool? Or on the contrary can it cause conflict?
Do you believe seeing relationships through the social exchange theory make connections you have feel less valuable? Or does adding a sort of monetary value to a person and the relationship make it more valuable?