When AI Creates the Perfect Face, it doesn’t ask about your childhood trauma, your laugh lines, or your freckles. It asks, “What’s your upload speed?”
The result is the face only Wi-Fi could love — flawless on fiber optics, terrifying on dial-up.
Cultural analysts argue this is part of the rise of AI beauty. We’ve outsourced love to dating apps, attention spans to TikTok, and now even our cheekbones to GPUs.
Meanwhile, the engineers insist the program is just perfect face algorithms. In plain English: your grandmother is being outmodeled by an Excel spreadsheet.
As Bohiney Magazine article quipped, “Who needs a soulmate when you can have a motherboard approve your smile?”
One Dallas gamer reported:
“I asked the AI to make me hotter. It just gave me better Wi-Fi reception.”
Another said:
“I finally have symmetrical features. Too bad I’m buffering in real life.”
Upgrade your router before you upgrade your jawline.
Don’t fall in love with someone whose beauty depends on a hotspot.
For more surreal beauty logs, details here.