No one is born with innate respect or politeness, yet it is a fundamental human value that is prized all over the world. Since it is something that needs to be learned, the act of showing respect ranges from a wide variety of traditions and norms and is extremely culture-dependent. Some might give a firm handshake or bow to you, while others offer to pay for the meal you just consumed together. Nevertheless—as with many aspects in human life—people like to be ‘the best’ at politeness. So much so that arguing over the bill is common practice in Portugal, and a comment about the firmness of a handshake can hardly be passed on when you slowly feel your hand turn to mush. While for some, mostly those living in individualistic societies, bowing feels as though it solely belongs in royal dramas, for people in collectivist societies, such as Japan, bowing is an everyday practice with subtle nuances—the deeper the bow, the greater the respect (Kahaila, 2023; Yani, 2022). But there’s a tipping point. When does being respectful become a performance? Can you still call it polite when someone practically lies down on the ground for you, or is it simply rude?

When does politeness become rude?

These questions were precisely what we wanted to ask our audience with our artificial creature. While at first, people may assume that our artificial creature was the epitome of politeness, they may soon come to realise that this might not be the case. With a proud poster beside it, claiming “Mine is More Polite than Yours”, our artificial creature would bow to anyone standing before it. If someone bowed back, it would then return the gesture; however, it would always bow deeper than its opponent. In a way, this would initiate a bowing “competition”, the winning point going to whoever could bow more “politely” than the other. In this way, we wanted to pull our audience into a discussion on politeness and ask them: “Is our creature truly being polite?”

What respect and politeness mean to people is very personal. It seems to be tied to emotional intelligence, being able to read the room, and restraining yourself. Without those aspects, even the most seemingly respectful gesture becomes hollow and excessive. 

When does a bow stop being about the other person and start being about you? Our creature doesn’t care about the person in front of them and their comfort; it just wants to out-bow them. In doing so, it mirrors a very human tendency: turning social rituals into performances of superiority. Politeness, stripped of its emotional core, becomes just another way to compete.
So maybe we should teach our creature to read the room a little better, if it really wants to be more polite than you.

Works Cited:

Khalaila, Rabia et al. “The neuroscience of respect: insights from cross-cultural perspectives.” Frontiers in Psychology, vol. 14. 19 Dec. 2023, doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1259474. 

Yani, Arzaqia Luthfi. “Three Types of Bowing in Japanese Culture.” Tokhimo. 15 Mar. 2022, accessed at https://www.tokhimo.com/post/different-type-of-bows-in-japan-1.