Dirty Minded!, (2024), bedsheet, acrylic paint, fabric glue.

About

Dirty Minded! is a piece that is inspired by and takes quotes from real people who have vaginismus. The white bed sheet suggests innocence, in relation to the first question that people with vaginismus get asked;

 "so... does that mean you are a virgin?"

The pink acrylic paint is in reference to pink mould, a highly toxic form of mould that needs moisture moisture to survive. The irony of having something that  requires moisture on a bedsheet on someone with a sexual dysfunction adds a dark humour, as well as indicating that the ruminating thoughts of hatred and self doubt spread over a shared mattress like a poisonous mould.

The quotes used on the bedsheets are:

• but our bodies don't work in a way they expect 

• It's not the pain that hurts, that's temporary. What lasts is the emotional damage. 

• I wouldn't want anyone else to go through this. It's just not fair.

• You can tell me I'm not broken, but it means nothing.

• I was born with a difference, and yet it has to be the stupid thing that comes so naturally to others.

• I'm broken, at least that's how I feel.

• What others experience cannot be mine without work and pain.

• I couldn't insert a tampon, I could only shake and cry.

• What does "cured" even mean?

• I'm always asking "what's wrong with me?" And there's never a good answer.

• I feel a loss of autonomy and control. 

• I feel exhausted.

• I feel like I'm in a perpetual sate of grief.

• The joy and relief that comes with progress is tainted by the knowledge that it could all be taken away in seconds.

• I didn't even care about my pain or discomfort, I just wanted it to go in and to experience some form of pleasure.

• I don't need to become "normal" if I don't want to.

• I don't feel sexy. I don't feel fun. I feel like a medical experiment.

• I'm angry my body doesn't work how it's supposed to.

• I'm so jealous of other women.

• I'm scared he's going to leave me for someone with a working vagina.

• It just torments me constantly.

• I feel like giving up. I'll never be happy.

• I mourn the intimacy I cannot have.

• I don't even want sex. I just want to use a tampon.

• Makes me feel like a broken woman

• Is my worth equal to my virginity?

• Caged in my own body

• It makes me feel abnormal 

• This unseen struggle

• I feel unsatisfied, desperate and unworthy 

• My vagina is defective 

• I'm ashamed to bring it up

• Blocks my connection with others 

• This stabbing sensation 

• Is pain free sex even possible 

• Please help

• Bad flare up

• No libido

• Is this my fault?

• Burning inside my vagina 

• Can I ever recover?

• Haven't understood my pain

• So many tearful conversations 

• Hopelessness after diagnosis 

• I just want to be left alone 

• Terrified to try dilators

• What's does your pain feel like?

• I'm traumatised by doctors

• I'm suicidal 

• My vagina is ruining my life

• Does anyone else experience horrible burning pain

• Can't afford treatment 

• Deep tearing during sex

• Dealing with so much depression 

• I hate myself

• I can't figure out what's wrong with me

• Very frustrated with my body

• It's breaking up my relationship 

• Feeling demotivated, lonely and sad

• This condition destroyed any confidence that I had

• Is dating even possible?

• My version of sex being invalidated

• So unsure about everything 

• my ex made it worse 

• I feel like a burden 

• I can't do penetration

If you wish to find out more about vaginismus, visit the Helpful Links page.