Tips on Resolving an Argument

If you're reading this, I'm guessing the inevitable happened; you got in a fight with a team member, or even a coach.

My name is Rachel. I'm editor in chief of the DHS robotics website, and over the past few years, I've gotten in my fair share of robotics spats with friends and others. I typically don't make personal entries on the website, but fighting with teammates is a personal topic, regardless of the situation. It's also not something that you can always avoid, because you're not just dealing with robots in robotics. You're dealing with people.

The first thing to recognize is what is a fight, and what is toxic behavior. If a team captain is overly berating, condescending, demeaning, cruel, arrogant, or abusive, the issue may not be resolvable. Outside solutions are always available. You can leave and start a new team or join a different team. Sometimes, people are like oil and water and regardless of how good they can be, with certain people, they just don't mix well. This was the reason my first team ended. My team captain and I just weren't ever going to get along in such close proximity, and so I let him keep the team and I looked elsewhere.

(Something that can easily cause the toxic team dynamic I'm talking about is dating within a team. I know how silly it sounds and I've mentioned it in the other team guides, but I'm deadly serious. It's difficult to separate emotions and productivity. If you were to ask anyone at Davis if its recommended to date teammates, they'll probably tell you that it's a bad idea or that I told them not to. I'm a big advocate of not dating teammates.)

There is no shame in respectfully leaving a team with a negative dynamic. Don't try and ruin your ex-teammates season, just remove yourself from the situation. This even applies if you're just not having any growth due to a team dynamic- finding a new team can catalyze your growth and can be best for everyone.

However, the occasional spat between teammates shouldn't be the cause of a team splitting.

So how do you fix an argument? First off, you have to separate out what kind of argument it is. Is it a personal argument that would be an issue regardless of the robotics setting? If so, then don't involve robotics. Fight it out all you want outside of the shop and competitions, but when you're in robotics together, be civil, let go of disagreements, and work together. I understand it's much easier said than done, but the best option is to resolve the issue without involving robotics. Robotics isn't a battlefield to host arguments, and if it becomes one, it is damaging to long term success of a team and club.

If the argument is about something within robotics, look at if it's about design/deadlines/projects themselves or interpersonal dynamics. If it is over a project, the first thing everyone needs to do is take a step back. Understand that it is not you vs. your teammate, it is everyone vs. the challenge. Keep everything civil and look for solutions that will check everyone's boxes. Be open to being wrong.

For me, being open to being wrong is something that I have to work hard at. Taking criticism can be absolutely brutal. What helps me the most is realizing that most challenges in robotics don't have one right or wrong answer, and it boils down to the most efficient way to solve a problem. Just because your idea may not have won out doesn't make you stupid, it just means that other ideas were more elegant in the long run. Don't take it out on your teammates, simply learn and make progress. Take a breather after criticism, though. It can still sting at first.

If the argument is with another person over robotics, such as something like cheating, or excessive copying, bragging or stealing credit, then don't blow things out of proportions. Don't talk crap about them or drag others into the conflict. If you trust your coach, talk it out with them first. They want the success of their teams overall and they can see both sides of conflicts. Even if the answer they give you isn't what you expected or wanted, think about what advice they've given you.

The best advice I can give you is to stay calm, even if you feel personally attacked. Most people have good intentions, even if they have hurt you. Forgiveness is powerful, especially when your team is at stake.