Chastity in Marriage

Specific Objectives

At the end of the session, the participants are expected to:

1. Know and understand the importance of chastity in marriage.

2. Value their marriage as Christ values His church.

3. Grow deeper in love and intimacy

Expanded Outline

I. Introduction

Activity: Do a raise of hands asking the participants about how long they have been married.

We are all here because we are married and we want to have a communal life with our brethren and with Jesus. When we were younger and started to enter into serious romantic relationships we had hoped that our relationship would succeed in marriage, and we praise the Lord for our community because it has saved lots of marriages from totally falling apart.

As we all know there are lots of challenges in handling relationships, much more, as taking care of our marriage. One of which is our purity and chastity, the question is, does it still matter?

II. The Sacramentality of Marriage

“Marriage is a lifelong partnership of the whole of life, of mutual and exclusive fidelity, established by mutual consent between one man and one woman, and ordered towards the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring. (CCC 1601)

Sacraments are the physical expressions of the Divine, so the sacramentality of marriage brings God into its center. This is what sets it apart from civil unions. This is why it is beautiful. The presence of God in our marriages is also the reason it can be lifelong.

Marriage “corresponds to the vocation of Christians only when it reflects the love which Christ the Bridegroom gives to the Church his Bride, and which the Church... attempts to return to Christ” (TOB, 312)

This self-giving love of Jesus, the bridegroom, can also be seen in the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, where Jesus, in the form of the Bread, gives Himself, freely, totally, faithfully, and fruitfully. So, our call is to share this kind of love with our spouses that’s why in marriage the gift of sex is granted. Sexual intercourse is meant to be an expression and renewal of wedding vows. Of loving as God loves. Freely, Totally, Faithfully, Fruitfully. That’s what we commit to at the altar.

III. The Reality of Marriages Today

The Sacrament of marriage and the gift of sex is so beautiful that the enemy would try and make ways to twist it and bend it. When are the times that we become chained, partial, unfaithful, unfruitful?

Internal problems in marriages are not just about the disagreement over finances, differences in ways of raising children, or frequency of sex, rather it is in learning to express and renew wedding vows through the language of the body. It is in remembering our vows, we express the love that we are supposed to share. It is in sharing this love we become free, total, faithful, and fruitful.

When there is a problem in expressing this love through the language of the body, sexual impurities arise. Unfaithfulness enters the relationship. When sex, is seen as a commodity and not as a gift, adultery enters. If spouses are going through the motion and don’t know what the sexual act really means then sexual union becomes a source of fundamental disquiet in their marriage that over time undermines the whole relationship from the inside out. This is why lots of marriages fail. Infidelity or cheating doesn’t just count when a spouse has extramarital affairs, it can also be seen through:

1. 1. Watching Pornography

   2. Masturbation

   3. Fantasizing about anyone outside the marriage

   4. Engaging in flirtatious conversations

   5. Inappropriate touching with others

   6. Following rather provocative influencers/celebrities

   7. Liking sexy posts on social media

These are just some of the examples that may take us away from a love that is true, good, and beautiful. A good rule of thumb here is that your sexual desires should only be for your spouse because sexual desires are rooted in love.

IV. Saving Your Marriage Daily

To save our marriage daily what we need to do is to go back to how we should really love our spouses, to love as God loves. And for us to be able to do this, we need to practice Chastity.

Why do married couples need to practice the virtue of Chastity when the wait is over? The common mistake that most couples make is believing that you have to be chaste until you get married. This is wrong because it is the same as saying that married couples don’t need to love one another. Even in marriage, we have to practice it, for Chastity is the vehicle that allows us to a love that is free, total, faithful, and fruitful. Chastity is the virtue that allows the married couple to truly experience the sexual intercourse as an expression and renewal of wedding vows. Chastity is the virtue that orients and directs sexual desire, attraction, and emotion toward authentic love. Marital Chastity would help redirect all these desires that we have towards God. And in all marriages, we seek to see the face of God in our spouses. In saying these, chastity helps direct our sexual desires toward our spouse.

Practicing marital chastity leads spouses to be faithful to one another. We call this Fidelity. It is much more than not walking out of the relationship but more importantly protecting and sustaining them. This goes for every single action that we make as a married couple, it should always be rooted in love. Fidelity calls us to recognize that our sexual love must deepen, embrace, and extend through intimacy.

V. Conclusion

Everyone is called to Chastity, it just has different manifestations throughout different stages of life. Let us consecrate our marriages to God. Let us ask him to grant us the grace to be chaste as married couples. As a single person, our destiny is communion with God, to enter heaven, being a married couple we have already agreed to do that together. To be in union with each other and to be in communion with God, to enter heaven together.

The biggest challenge is to love as God loves. Regardless of how old we are or how long we’ve been married, it is never too late to grow and understand and live out in the true meaning of marital love. This is possible because we have a God who never stops drawing us closer in a spousal relationship with Himself.

Discussion Questions

For discussion, answer the following questions:

1. Are there times that I have not been able to love as free, total, faithful, and fruitful?

2. How can I practice marital chastity?