Listening with Empathy

Grab

What is the topic of your last conversation with your spouse? Can you remember at least three things from it?

Grace

“The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge, the ears of the wise seek it out.” Proverbs 18:15

The ability to speak and to listen are two of the more profound gifts of God. Nothing is more fundamental to a relationship than talking and listening. Open communication is the lifeblood that keeps a marriage in the spring and summer season – times of optimism and enjoyment. Conversely, failure to communicate is what brings on fall and winter – times of discouragement and negativity.

It sounds so simple. The problem is that many of us tend to be judgmental listeners. We evaluate what we hear based on our view of the situation, and we respond by pronouncing our judgment. And then we wonder why our spouse doesn’t talk anymore.

For most of us, effective listening requires a significant change of attitude. We must shift from egocentric listening (viewing the conversation through our own eyes) to empathetic listening (viewing the conversation through our partner’s eyes.) The goal is to discover how our spouse perceives the situation and how he or she feels. Proverbs 18:15 equates wisdom with careful listening and seeking knowledge. In a relationship, this often means seeking knowledge about our spouse. Words are a key to the other person’s heart and listening to understand and enhance the conversation.

(Excerpt from “The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional” by Gary Chapman)

Gather

For discussion, answer the following questions:

1. What habits or attitudes do I need to change so that I can be more of an empathetic listener to my spouse?

2. What habits or attitudes do I need to develop more so that I show my spouse that I am an empathetic listener?

Go Forth

Take time to listen to your spouse every day.