Everyone has someone they look up to and admire; when we look at our role models during their time with grief and loss, we can learn so many traits and strengths and hopefully remember them in our time of need.
I have a friend whose child passed away when he was in his mid-twenties. He was at the beginning of his life. Her grief has taught me many things about spirituality, forgiveness, rage, and loss. She recently told me that she met another person who had also lost a child, and the person had asked her to speak the name of her son. She explained this is a rare gift that is often never asked by new people around her – to express her child’s name is to rejoice again that he existed. After sharing his name, the stranger asked to hear his favorite things. This minor exchange transformed her more in 10 minutes than three years of working through grief had done. I hope that I have the strength to ask someone to share when I learn about their loss – to view it as remembrance and warmth would be a gift for both of us
Lastly, a vital resilience factor in boosting spiritual resilience throughout the recovery journey is finding a role model. Role models help individuals understand what it means to fully recover, give them hope that it is possible and remind them that the process they are going through is worth all the struggle. One excellent schizophrenic role model is Bethany Yeister. Here is a TED talk she gave on her journey through both schizophrenia and homelessness.
Reference:
Yeiser, B., (2019, Augest 21). My journey through schizophrenia and homelessness | Bethany Yeiser | TEDxCincinnati [Video]. TED. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPGd6l76l9A
My mom is my actual role model. She has experienced a lot of losses in her life: losing her young daughter to the tragic death, losing her husband to suicide, losing her father to a stroke, losing her mom to cancer, losing her brother to cancer as well; it all happened in 4 year period. I am stunned by her resilience and keeping her spirit for other family members and me to help them to overcome grief and move on in life. I could never know what she was experiencing in her hurt, but she showed me love and care and did not get drown in her own emotions and grief. I like to talk to her about it because I think she protected us a lot by not putting that emotional burden on us, and she hurts sometimes, and we talk about it, we relive good memories and cherish those times. I want to learn how to be resilient and happy at the same time and allow life to take its course by cherishing memories and looking forward to the future.
I had a neighbor when I used to live in Korea. We went to the same church with her, and my family was close to hers. She had two sons, and her husband was making good money for the family. Her life was stable at that time. However, her youngest son showed some neurological disorders such as frequent falling, attention deficiency, or hearing issues when he was at age 8. She did not know what was going on with her son, and unfortunately, he was diagnosed with adrenoleukodystrophy (ALD), a genetic neurological disorder on the spinal cord. He died a couple of years after the diagnosis. After several years, her husband passed away accidentally. He fell from the stairs at work. Before she had coped with her youngest son’s death, another death has happened. She seemed like managing ok with praying and going to church. She lived with her oldest son; however, when he became age 18, he was also diagnosed with ALD. She was desperate at that time, and her son is the only family left. Her son is still alive, and I have lost her contact, unfortunately, since I moved to the States.
Since I have known her, she is a highly resilient woman after experiencing horrible life, Grief, and Loss. We went to church together, and she has become a role model in my life whenever I have faced challenges. She inspired me a lot in many ways and supported me.
Nora McInerny shares her journey of loss and grief and how she has learned to live in her loss. She has started nonprofit, written multiple books, and has a podcast, in addition to her TED talk.
Reference:
McInerny, N., (2018, November). We don't "move on" from grief. We move forward with it [Video]. TED. https://www.ted.com/talks/nora_mcinerny_we_don_t_move_on_from_grief_we_move_forward_with_it?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare
My mom is coping with the loss of her mom (my Grandma) well. I can tell she misses Grandma as we all do. She comes upstairs to talk to me, and we share stories about Grandma, we look at pictures together, we listen to her favorite music together. I can't imagine what she is going through, I have not lost a parent, and I imagine losing a mom is more challenging than losing a Grandma. I don't know what I am going to do when my mom passes away. I mean, it's a mom; what are you supposed to do without your mom? Mom is your rock, your reference, your backup. Mom is always there. I joke with people that children have a million questions for mom and one question for dad. Where's mom? Fortunately, my mom is in her 60's so I have a while before she dies, but I can imaging that it will be a difficult time. She is my role model, my support, rock, backup, and best friend. That is a lot to lose at once. I can only hope that I will be as strong as she is now in dealing with loss.
I am a single mother with two girls. One is 18 years old, and the other is 11-year-old. As a parent, I show them how to live with integrity, optimism, hope, determination, and compassion. All these elements play an essential part in my children's positive development. As our nation grows increasingly diverse, there has never been a better opportunity to learn to live respectfully together and benefit from one another's wisdom and experience; however, racism and discrimination are also flaring in our nation. I am a raw model to my children; I teach them how racism and other isms undermine their development and well-being. So, I work my best to be more available, informative, sat down with my children, and figure out the problems together. I find this approach effective thus far and hoping this positive trend will follow them in their lifetime.
I follow Nicole Sachs, LCSW, on Instagram. She has created a fantastic healing process through her searching and learning regarding chronic pain, which I also suffer from. My pain can intensify and can be flared up when I have emotional stress and triggers. Grief, fear, pain, loss, etc., can impact every part of our body, and we don’t even realize it. Dealing with and healing emotional pain can help every aspect of our bodies, and we can recover in a very holistic way.
For this, I would have to talk about my grandfather. With this pandemic, he lost his younger brother to covid; being 58 with no other underlining conditions, we never thought it would hit our family. Well, my uncle and grandfather and I all would write letters to one another, my grandfather realization he wasn't getting anything back from his brother. when we called down to the facility he was living at. With that phone call, we found out he was in the hospital with covid, and we didn't get notified until 21 days later. We were all devastated that he was struggling but also with how long no one informed us. Well, six days later, my great uncle passed. We didn't get to say buy. with him living in Texas, we were fighting to be able to have a service for him. and we also struggled because my grandfather nor I could travel to say goodbye, so my mother flew alone had his benefit and no one was there. Still, she then packed all his belongings alone.
My grandfather is resilient because he is the most extended living relative we have, but he is the last of his family here, he is 73, and we are now all he has. I couldn't imagine not saying goodbye to my brother. Yet every day, my grandfather gets out, walks, socializes, and pushes forward. I know he hurts, but I'm very proud of him; he is not afraid to have his days, but the next day, he tries to gets his mind off of the pain our family went through.
Everyone has been affected by the loss of a loved one or seen someone go through grief. Throughout all these stories, you see one thing in common, resilience. Because throughout our lives, there are many moments we overcome as individuals, and although we don't forget, we do grow more vigorous.