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Resilience Factor 3:
Introduction
Your core values are what drives your moral compass. Depending on the core values that you hold most dear will depend on how you would react to and face loss and grief. Your core values are what you are going to turn to and rely on for strength to get you through loss, to help you grieve and to help you move on.
Some examples of core values are trustworthiness, optimism, honesty, respect, open-mindedness, creativity and sense of humor. There are many other core values that are not listed. Find your core value and focus on that to help deal with loss and grief.
Trust is a big core value. It is difficult enough dealing with a loss and trying to cope with grief, but if you don't trust the people around you for support, healing becomes extremely difficult.
Optimism is key. You have to believe things will get better. You have to know that even in the darkest times and struggling through pain that this feeling will not last forever. There will always be pain of loss, but it will hurt a little less each day.
Honesty is important. You have to be honest with yourself and those around you. Lying to yourself about what you are experiencing will delay healing.
Respect yourself and your feelings. Respect others and their feelings.
Being open-minded is needed to help you understand that people around you that are trying to help you may not share the same views of loss and gried that you do. Stay open-minded to those trying to help you, even if you don't share the same view on loss and grief. Focus on the fact that they are there for you in your time of need.
Some of the most beautiful works of art and poetry have come from someone suffering with loss or grief. Channel that pain into something creative. Doing something creative can help the healing process.
It is hard at the beginning, right after the shock of a loss, to find the humor in a situation. If you are grieving over the loss of a loved one, try to remember some good times spent or something special you alone shared with the person you loss. You might find yourself smiling.
Southwick, S. M., Litz, B. T., Charney, D., & Friedman, M. J. (2011). Resilience and mental health: Challenges across the lifespan. Cambridge University Press.
Dee Dee Call
My definition of resilience is the ability to mentally and physically process traumatic and bad experiences or negative stressors to learn from and cope with the new person forged from the pain of enduring such encounters. My core values are to try to be open-minded, respectful, compassionate, empathetic and creative.
Using my own definition of resilience, my own core values and the belief that I am a resilient person, I feel that I am handling Grandma’s death very well. I took my time to mourn, I took my time to remember, I took my time to celebrate her life and now I am taking what I learned from this experience to be stronger.
Daniale Delkettie
In the face of challenges, I think resilience is different for every person. If we are looking at life-and-death situations, however a person is able to survive, which may involve breaking their own moral values, really should be honored. For example, what if a person accidentally killed someone in self-defense, then that persons resilience would be if they could actually overcome what they did and move forward as a survivor.
If we are talking every day challenges, then I think handling the challenge as best we can and be guided by our own moral values, not those of someone else's moral values is incredibly important. And to also not only overcome the challenge, but to also learn from the experience would increase the depth of resilience in a person.
Hirut Gebrehanna
A moral compass is a natural feeling that makes people know right and wrong and how they should behave. When it comes to COVID-19, I have gone through challenging times. As I stated in my week one introduction, I was diagnosed with COVID and survived with the help of GOD and my resilience. When I read the article about the moral obligation of nurse leaders, it discusses the nurse's pivotal role in balancing the needs of their staff with the needs of the patients. It helps me realize the one's moral compass during critical decision times is of the utmost importance. When I was diagnosed with the COVID, it was a time of chaos and a scary moment. During the shift report, one of my patients was symptomatic for COVID 19; I asked the N95; however, the assigned supervision for that day offered me the disposable cloth mask. Since I am morally and ethically obligated to take care of patients, I provided my patient care with passion and respect then went home. Within two to four days, I felt sick and had the worst experience in my life. If there was a transparent communication that was truthful, mindful from my supervisor, there was a possibility of preventing the COVID exposure. I learned that when we are leading through crisis, maintain one's moral compass is nonnegotiable. Leaders and the administration body have to balance the need of the staff with the patients' needs. It is also a moral compass to minimize the negative impact and maximize success for all and be a truth-teller.
Kim Huynh
Euthanasia remains a controversial act in most countries. In most cases, the action targets physically ill patients. Aurelia suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder that she deemed unbearable. She voluntarily asked her physicians and psychologists to assist her in dying slowly. However, the country has strict laws that deem such practices murder. As such, the doctors resulted in alternative remedies such as talking therapy, craftwork, and exercise. Neither of the doctors could administer the lethal dose despite relating to her afflictions. Aurelia appealed to the End of Life Clinic in The Hague for her plea to be passed in the long run. She died on the 26th of January, 2018, at 2 pm.
Jane Jugao
I would like to share one of my friends’ experience. Her mother had been diagnosed with lung cancer, and she had been suffered for long time. My friend quitted her job after a college and helped her mother while she was terminally ill. After losing her mother, my friend shared her emotion that she felt better after her mother passed away because she knows she is not in pain and is in a better place in heaven. She also shared with me that she did her best to help her mother and cherished the moment with her mother’s last journey.
Magnum Kandel
Through out our grief I feel as humans we want to place blame, we have to find a reason as for why rather then just accepting just cause its life, and with the blame we also blame the one we lost, or ourselves. we should have done more etc.... but at the end of the day, morally for us and the one we love we need to forgive. We need to forgive ourselves and let ourselves be in the moment of grief, as well as forgive ourselves for all that we blame, life happened and gets busy we cant hate ourself for all that happened. Most importantly we need to forgive the one we lost, they are no longer in pain as humans we tend to be selfish and get upset that they left us, but thats simply not the case, them no longer suffering is why we should forgive them.
Andrea Monroe
When I think of a scenario on how a resilient person would act based on their moral compass while experiencing grief– I immediately think of individuals who are able to forgive a person after they caused the death of a loved one. I can think of no stronger emotion for me than love for my children and family. When I read and hear stories about individuals who forgave someone after losing their loved one, it is truly humbling. I cannot imagine the resiliency that forgiveness takes for them. I came across a TedTalk where Sarah Montana discusses her journey in forgiving the childhood friend who murdered her mother and brother.
Montana, S. (2018, May 7). The Real Risk of Forgiveness–And Why It’s Worth It | Sarah Montana | TEDxLincolnSquare. [Video]. TED. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEK2pIiZ2I0
Margarita Zaytseva
It is a very difficult topic and there is not a right or wrong answer sometimes. I however believe that no matter how challenging or confusing situation is, sticking to my morals will ease the situation and comfort my soul. I will follow my values. For example, I had a tragedy in my family long time ago. My family member committed suicide many years ago, leaving his family in debt from losings to the gambling. It was tough for all of us, and we were devastated because it was double betrayal. I had so much hate and disappointment because I could not get over it. I later learned that forgiveness is the best way to move forward for all of us. I went to church and talked to family and realized that forgiving soul can set me free. I preach it to everyone, and I know in the beginning it may not seem like it is possible to feel opposite from the emotions that we experience at the moment, following your values and morals will help to build resilience.
I like this proverb because it expresses power of forgiveness and freedom for my heart.
Leah Foster
Last year my grandpa learned that he only had months to live after battling cancer for many years. My mom immediately dropped everything to move in with him to become his full time caregiver so he didn't have to spend his last days in a hospice house. My mom had a complicated relationship with her dad hadn't spent one night at my grandpa's house for the past 20 years due to her moral objections to certain decisions he made. She put all of that aside and was able to spend the last couple months of his life mending that relationship and finding forgiveness and peace. It was so beautiful to see them putting aside their differences. My grandpa was overwhelmingly thankful for the care we were able to provide him and told us almost hourly.
Conclusion
The emotion of grief and the tragedy of loss is a very personal experience. No one person can tell another how to mourn or for how long to do so. It makes sense that we rely on personal core values to get us through the pain of loss and the emotion of grief. Use them, use your core values, use whatever you value the most to help you heal. The experiences you keep in your heart will make you a stronger and more resilient person, able to face anything.
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