While it has so far been easy to discuss the ideas of creating friends and what’s good in a friendship, I would not be painting the full picture if I didn’t spend time talking about red flags and things that we should avoid in friendships. It took me a long time to realize that it’s OK to listen to your gut and acknowledge red flags in other people. It’s okay, healthy even, to have boundaries in your friendships and I am just now realizing that because I was brought up to be forgiving and understanding. I mentioned in an earlier article that I often don’t tell my friends when I'm upset with them or when something is wrong. I think that’s because I was taught to avoid conflict at all costs but as I’ve been in college, I realize that that is not exactly a healthy mindset. It’s natural to have conflict with others especially when we are in such a diverse environment. Since it is to be expected that these disagreements will come up, it is worth spending time learning how to successfully adjust to them and possibly save a friendship in the process.

During the course of my research, I interviewed several of my friends and asked about what they think are red flags within their own friendships. They indicated that, for them, red flags include an in balance of power, people that hold grudges, feeling used by your friends, and someone who brings out the worst in you. They also said that friends who never want to perform favors for them or never want to help them are also red flags. I personally agree with these red flags and I think these are things that I’ll definitely look out for in future relationships. Other research has found that people need to feel like they are getting as much out of the friendship as they are putting in, and that that equity can predict a friendship’s continued success. Having such candid conversations with my friends really showed me that our lives are a lot more similar than I initially thought and we go through a lot of the same things with our friendships.

For me, one red flag that I didn’t have in common with anyone that I interviewed was the issue of friends who expect too much. As expressed earlier I am primarily an introvert and so I think that my friends sometimes don’t realize how much it takes out of me to show up to their events or to constantly interact with them. While I do enjoy having fun and I like to be with them, I am a “low-maintenance” friend and I still think that alone time is really rejuvenating. It’s something that is surprisingly hard to come by in the college setting and so I sometimes just need to take a break. That’s another reason why I think it was so easy for me to think that my friendships were fine when my friends were actually feeling a bit neglected. It’s not a problem for me to not have contact with them for a day or two, but for them that day or two might feel like a week or even a month. My friends have more needs than I do when it comes to our friendship and that’s okay but I have definitely experienced times when I feel like my friends don’t understand it. At times it has been frustrating when they take me needing to take a step back as me not being there for them. I think this is a battle that I will always face but hopefully with the things that I’ve learned throughout this research I can be a better friend to them and show them how to be a better friend to me. At the very least I have learned how to form better connections with them and how to make the most of the time that I do spend with them.