There are many different stages to the progression of human relationships and different ways to be connected to one another. In my opinion, the friendship spectrum goes a little something like this: stranger, acquaintance, casual friend, friend, good friend, best friend, and, (for some people), best best friend. I do realize that my view is one that is both biased and limited. You may even recognize other categories that are not listed here in your own relationships. That’s the beauty of human connection because there are so many different forms and that is entirely acceptable. It’s also important to note that the difference between these different stages and the timeline for the friendship depends entirely on the two people in the relationship. In general, I think we can mostly all agree that there is a difference between a stranger, a new friend, and our very best friends. That difference might be in the amount of time that we spend with them, the energy that we put into the relationships, the level of sharing, the amount of intimate conversation or maybe even the expectations that we have for one another.

Dalmas Taylor’s social penetration theory says that as people begin to bond and share more information with one another, their relationships slowly but surely move through a set of four stages. The first of those stages is the orientation phase which is where you are first getting to know one another and keeping it simple. In this stage, someone is still considered an acquaintance and so you might avoid talking about things that are considered controversial or too deep. Personally, when I am still in the orientation phase, it feels too vulnerable to share super personal information with that person and so I prefer to keep the conversation light and friendly. The next stage of the social penetration theory is the exploratory stage and according to Taylor and his partner, Irvwin Altman, this is the stage where casual friendships are discovered. At this point, the two people are starting to share more personal information with one another and the personalities are starting to become more apparent as the two gain trust with each other. For me, this is the stage where a lot of my relationships tend to remain and only a lucky few get past this point. I know lots of people and I feel connected to them but not enough to be considered a best friend or to share my deepest feelings. I definitely think that my introverted personality plays a role in this but I will have another article dedicated to my thoughts about that.

Going back to the theory at hand, the third stage is the affective stage and this is where things really start to get heated. This is the point when you really start to feel comfortable with the other person and feel good about disclosing personal or private information. At this point, there’s no anxiety about talking to this person like there might be if you were talking with a stranger or someone you don’t know as well. For me, this is the most exciting stage of friendship because it’s when you can really get to know someone without feeling like you’re stepping on eggshells. Honesty is one of my core values and so I love being able to be my authentic, honest, unfiltered self with others. I wish I could do this with everyone but I know that it just takes more time and energy to get to this stage and it’s not as easy as it looks. The final stage that comes after this is called stable exchange and this is exactly what it sounds like it would be. At this stage, you can regularly share personal information and depend on one another. In my head, this is the stage where Rawlin’s three necessities of a friendship are being fulfilled. In the stable exchange stage, I would definitely expect to be able to depend on that person, to talk to them about anything, and to enjoy spending time with them. It is also worth mentioning that this is the stage where most romantic relationships should be, although that is somewhat outside the scope of my current project. In future research, I would love to examine that idea further and look at what happens when the romantic relationship is not in that stage.