When I asked my friends how long they think it takes to make a friend, they gave me different answers, which makes sense. One of my newer friends said that they think that how long it takes depends on how you click with that person. Another friend said that it takes about 6 months for them to really think that someone is a friend. I thought these were really interesting statements, yet it was not the answer that I was looking for. I always imagined that there was some set number of days or a timeline under which a connection had to progress into the friendship stage. I thought to myself, “People can’t just be acquaintances forever, right?”. Since I couldn’t find a definite answer in regular conversations with friends, I turned to academic sources instead.

Research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships explains that it actually is possible to be acquaintances with someone forever if that stronger connection does not happen within the first few months of meeting someone. Jeffrey Hall, a communications researcher who earned his PhD at the University of Southern California suggests that spending about 45 hours with someone “significantly increases the chances of identifying the relationship as a causal friendship rather than an acquaintance”. This information might come as a surprise because 45 hours is only about two consecutive days together. Of course, it would take longer than that because it is unlikely that two people will spend the entire 24 hours together when they first meet one another but this information is still surprising. It is much less than the 6 months that my friends suggested it takes to be able to consider someone a friend.

I should note that this time frame of about 45 hours is only what it takes to go from the acquaintance stage to the casual friend stage. It takes even more time to go from casual friends to true friends and even more time still to go from true friends to best friends. In general, the more time you spend with someone and the more energy you put into the relationship, the more likely it is that you are moving further in the right direction. It is also important to note that you can’t just spend time with someone in the first few months of knowing them and then stop but still expect to be in the same stage of friendship. Time spent apart and distance can both negatively impact a friendship but these will be discussed in later posts.