Research has yet to come to one definitive conclusion about what it means to be a friend. I doubt that will ever happen simply because there are so many different interpretations of friendship around the world and even just here in the united states. The Britannica dictionary claims that the definition of friendship is “a state of enduring affection, esteem, intimacy, and trust between two people.” This definition highlights some of what I consider to be key features of a friendship. The first is that the relationship has a continuous and enduring element of contact. For me, that means that my friendships have to have some element of longevity and consistent interaction. For example, if I were to spend the entire day with someone and then never see them again, that would be amazing, but we wouldn’t exactly be friends in my mind. Similarly, I loved having play time with my 1st grade friends at recess in elementary school. However, that was almost 15 years ago and I probably wouldn't even recognize those people if I were to see them today so we’re definitely not friends anymore in my opinion.

The next part of the Britannica definition is that there is esteem within the relationship. For me, this means that there is a certain level of respect and like that each person in the friendship feels for the other. We generally want to be friends with people that we like and people that we feel reciprocate those feelings of like for us too. This is partially why it is easier to make and maintain connections with people that are more similar to us. If you’ve ever heard the saying “Birds of a feather flock together” then you understand what I mean. Almost all laws of social psychology point to the idea that we like people that are similar to us and we sometimes have less than positive feelings about those that are different. This is a big factor that I personally use to decide friendships because if I don’t like this person, then I won’t like spending time with them or having them in my social circle.

The final important factor, as mentioned in the above definition, is the idea that friendships involve a certain amount of intimacy and trust within the relationship. Ideally, the longer you are friends with someone, the closer the two of you will be, and the more intimacy and trust there is between you and this other person. The level of intimacy has the potential to directly affect our emotional well being because research shows that we increasingly care about people’s opinions of us as we grow closer to them. Have you ever been called an insult by a stranger? If so, it’s likely that you were upset but eventually able to move on. Have you ever been called an insult by someone who was supposed to be your friend? Did you have a different reaction? If so, that’s likely due to the principles of interpersonal connection and human relationships.

Finally, one thing that the Britannica definition doesn’t mention is that most friendships are voluntary. These are people that we choose to surround ourselves with, often because we like something about them or their personality. This intentional choice to spend time and energy with someone is a big part of what makes the friendship vital. Research shows that friendships satisfy some innate biological needs within us and I think that the voluntary aspect of them is really important for that.

A Screenshot of the Brittanica Definition of Friendships as Referenced in the Section Above