Tips and Resources for Navigating the Tech World with your Child

Caring for children in the age of technology is challenging! We’ve gathered some resources and created some recommendations to help as you navigate this process. Every family has different values and expectations, so we ask that caregivers review any material before sharing it with your child. This allows you to assess whether it’s appropriate for your child specifically, see how it connects to your values and expectations, and gives you a chance to prepare for conversations that may come up. If the message doesn’t align with your values, it may still be beneficial to share it and discuss the ways it does and doesn’t align. You are the expert on your child and should explore what topics, content, and messages are important for them. We hope that the information included here is helpful regardless of where your child and family are at in using and discussing technology.

There are many decisions to make during this process: when to give your child access to different devices and types of media, how much and how to supervise them, and how to teach them to be safe. We encourage families to be thoughtful in making these choices for each child. Remember, these decisions do not have to be all or nothing. Consider ways that you can give your child opportunities to demonstrate trust and practice relevant skills while giving them progressive responsibility with media and devices. If your child asks you if they can have a phone or a tablet and the answer is “no” or “not yet”, find ways to set that limit while keeping the communication going.

·       As you consider when to get your child a phone, this article from the Child Mind Institute has a good overview of factors to consider. 

·       If you decide to move forward, take a look at FOSI’s article about steps to take before and after the purchase of a device for your child. They also have device-specific cards that help you set expectations about your child’s use of that device.

·       If your child has their own device or spends unsupervised time on the internet, it’s time to talk with them about porn. Amaze has a good overview to help you decide if it’s time to have that conversation and other resources to support you in navigating those conversations.

·       Proactively teach your child skills to be safe on the internet. Don’t wait for the point when you get them a device. Thorn has a guide for starting discussions about social media and the fundamentals of digital safety.

All of these conversations can be really challenging, and the issues associated with technology use often feel overwhelming! There are some great guides and resources for caregivers that can help you think about these topics and prepare for conversations. We want kids to have an open dialogue with their caregivers so they feel like they can ask questions, address concerns, and share the fun parts of this aspect of their life.

·       The FTC has created some resources around online safety and their Net Cetera booklet is a great general guide for talking to kids about being online.

·       The Family Online Safety Institute has a video series and tool kit about how to be a good digital parent and an article about preschoolers and technology safety.

·       The New York Times has a great guide going over consideration for screen time, family media use, and limiting kids tech use.

We encourage every caregiver to have an agreement about the use of devices and internet with their child. If you don’t already have one, this is a great way to start a discussion. Simply the process of creating an agreement has benefits, and it will give you common ground to start with if you need to address concerns in the future. The Family Online Safety Institute and Common Sense Media have good templates you can use and additional resources below may be helpful in having these conversations with your child. Some benefits of creating and maintaining an agreement include:

·       It creates an opportunity to clarify and teach your family’s values.

·       Caregivers get to communicate their concerns and expectations to their child. Although phones and technology are deeply integrated in our lives, the norms and expectations about using them vary across settings, communities, families, and individuals. Those expectations often aren’t explicit. Kids do well if they can! Starting with clear expectations and information gives them the foundation to be safe and successful.

·       Kids get to share what the internet, media, and devices mean to them. We know that these technologies are a significant source of identity and connection for kids in this generation. How they use and feel about these technologies is different than the adults around them. Expressing curiosity and empathy about its importance in their lives sets the stage for collaboration and can help caregivers understand how to continue to support your child.

·       The process of creating an agreement builds collaboration and problem-solving skills. Gaining the privileges of device use, getting a phone, and other digital access can be a great mechanism for kids to practice gaining progressive responsibility. An agreement can start even before you give your child access to a device or specific content, by laying out expectations for them to meet in order to gain that privilege, and ways they can demonstrate the necessary responsibility in other areas of their life. A good agreement should outline next steps including consequences for if the agreement is broken and how the child might gain more responsibility. Having a set timeline for when you will review the agreement can be a great way to check in about how things are going and consider any changes.

The culture of technology continues to change quickly. Kids are savvy, and not everyone using these spaces is safe or making good decisions. Porn and other inappropriate content is easy to come across without intention. We encourage every caregiver to consider using parental controls and content monitoring programs as part of the plan to support and protect your child. There are a wide variety of options out there and some platforms have content filtering options built in, as well as mechanisms for reporting inappropriate content.

·       We encourage internet and device use to take place in shared spaces in the household to normalize supervision and make technology use a shared experience instead of an isolating one.

·       Familiarize yourself with the apps, sites, and devices your child is interested in and the options they may provide. Protect Young Eyes (a faith-based organization) has a comprehensive review of apps based on their risks and features, as well as a guide to parental controls available on different devices. Common Sense Media also includes reviews of apps and websites along with movies and games in their database of content reviews.

·       Explore other parental control and content monitoring options. There are many different types of programs for different devices with a variety of features, ranging from free to expensive. Tech Radar has an article reviewing the best parental controls and Common Sense Media has a good overview of options that are organized based on your goals.

·       Once you decide what strategies to use, include them in your family agreement. Although kids often express that these systems feel invasive, many of these programs filter/monitor content and create alerts so caregivers can do less reviewing content directly. Regardless of the tools used, we encourage caregivers to set the expectation that kids’ devices can be accessed by the caregiver at any time.

There is also a lot of creative content and resources directed to kids about these topics. One of the challenges facing kids using technology is that their brains aren’t fully developed! Since the skills of forward thinking and understanding other people’s perspectives are still being learned, it’s extra important that adults teach kids about the potential outcomes of their actions.

·       NCMEC Netsmartz runs a website for kids with videos, learning games, and activities about online safety.

·       Google has helped develop the Be Internet Awesome program that has a lot of activities for caregivers to use with their kids to learn and practice skills, including a video game style series of games that help kids practice online safety skills.

It can be really hard to be a caregiver addressing these issues with a child, and it also can also be really hard to be a kid navigating these issues! Outside of these types of resources we’ve suggested, don’t forget the resource of your community. Discussions with other caregivers about the concerns they’re dealing with and how they’ve addressed them is an important way to continue the conversation.

From:  www.childrenscenter.cc

·       Using the internet – K thru second grade

o   Young children should not be on the internet without adult guidance

§  If they are online, they do it with you and you are engaged in it with them

§  Have clarity about what devices they are allowed to use

§  Have clear boundaries about when and where devices are used

o   Have safety conversations that apply to in-person and online safety 

§  What to do if someone asks them to show a private part.

§  What to do if they see something online that makes them scared or uncomfortable.

§  What to do if they see people without their clothes on.

§  Come and tell me or another trusted adult needs to be stressed.

·       Using the internet – second thru fifth grade

o   As children get older and need to use the internet, start by only allowing use in common areas

§  This allows you to see what they are engaging in online, and the ability to intervene as needed

§  Talk about how inappropriate material can come up, and what to do if that happens

§  Teach about how there is a lot of great information on the internet, but also a lot of misinformation. Tell them what things you want them to come to you for.

§  If they do come across inappropriate content, that they come to an adult and not showing it to friends or other children

§  Stress if something does happen, they are not going to get in trouble for it, they just need to come talk to you about it.

§  This is the age to really focus on talks with kindness online.

·       Using the internet – Middle school

o   Hopefully, the rules and expectations are well established at this point

o   They are going to be using the internet more independently so it’s important to check their devices and search history

o   This is where check-ins are important

§  Check in about how many hours they are spending on their devices and what they are using them for

§  Mental Health check-ins

§  Pay close attention to what your kids are engaging with online

§  Safety check-ins

o   Engage with them online

Engage with your teens and children on their platforms. It is important to know that the internet and people on the internet can be accessed from many different types of electronic devices. Engaging with your children and teens on the platforms helps you understand what they are using, how it is used, and what controls (or lack thereof) are available.

•       Play their video games with them.

•       See who they are talking to, see what friend requests come up and how your child responds to different friend requests.

•       Understand the settings on the different games and gaming devices.

•       Understand how the game portrays violence and sexuality.

•       These are additional areas for talking points.

•       Use the apps that they use.

•       Understand the settings and how the app is used.

•       This is another reason why to limit the number of apps your child has.

•       Be on the social media they are using. 

•       Notice if the app gives your child’s location and look for how to turn that off.

•       Turn on privacy settings.

•       Friend them on their social media accounts so you can see what they post (and they have to accept it).