Boundaries
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"No" is a complete sentence.
It can be hard for an individual to enforce firm boundaries. People who are use to putting others before their needs often have difficulty saying "no" when they really want to. Checking in on your self-esteem and enforcing boundaries is important to mental health. Working with me will allow you to address underlying thoughts that causes guilt and uneasy feelings when it is time to put your foot down. Let's work together to help you get your needs met just as much as you meet other people's needs.
Common Signs of Poor Boundaries
You often say "yes" out of a desire to please, even when you’d prefer to say no.
You feel guilty when you set aside time for self-care.
Don't speak up for yourself when people treat you badly or make you uncomfortable.
You may overcommit to personal and professional responsibilities.
Often go out of your way to avoid conflict as to not disappoint.
Constantly worry about what other people think of you.
Make sacrifices at the expense of your own happiness
Allowing someone touch you or have sex with you even if you don’t want to.
Failure to speak up when you’re treated badly.
May agree with a person when you actually feel like disagreeing.
Feel taken for granted by others.
Constantly feel like the victim or you are being used.
Over-share details about your life with others.
Feel guilty when others aren’t happy (as if you’re responsible)
You are what other people want/need you to be, and not who YOU need to be.
You’re out of touch with your own personal needs.
People who try to control or dominate you are attracted to you.
When you often put others' needs before your own and feel like you rarely have time for yourself, you may need help building stronger boundaries. Through counseling services you can learn to identify your needs so that you can create stronger boundaries, let go of guilt, and learn to say "no" assertively.
Facts about Boundaries
Physical Boundaries. These boundaries pertain to your space, body, and how comfortable you are with closeness to another person, often relationship depending. Part of setting boundaries is respecting your needs so that others can do the same.
Emotional boundaries. This type of boundary is to help protect your heart. When emotional boundaries are not strong, you can become confused about what it is you're feeling and what is the other person's feelings. This can look like taking on the emotions of others, not having separation between what is theirs and what is yours, losing yourself and your needs to them and theirs, and accepting responsibility for their emotions. When you are emotionally boundaried, you accept responsibility for your emotions, not others. You are able to identify what emotions are yours and you are able to protect yourself from taking on the emotions of others.
Resource and time boundaries. Most often, this boundary comes up around how you spend your time. Respecting your time and other’s time means showing up or calling when you say you will. With so many people working remotely, it is important to understand time available vs. free time. These are not the same.
Material boundaries. These boundaries have to do with your money and possessions. Are you giving away in order to try and fill a void of connection? Are you giving and feeling resentful? If so, perhaps this is not the means to getting your emotional needs met. Saying "no" to giving away material things when you are not comfortable is an important key to strong boundaries.
Strengthening your boundaries takes time and effort. Working on ways to improve self-esteem and addressing your needs can be improved through counseling. You can work to understand why you often feel like you cannot say "no" without feeling guilty.
"No" is a complete sentence.
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