Brenda Kim

Upon asking my father what he wanted to do with his one and only life, he said he wanted to live it carefreely. When I asked my sister what she wanted to do with her one and only life, she replied that she wanted to help people. When I finally asked myself this question, I’ll admit that I didn’t know. I agonized over the answer for days on end. People say to follow your passions. Personally, college has warped my passions into something I no longer recognize. I don’t feel drawn to something; I lack a genuine motivation behind my actions. After a long period of reflection, I decided I wanted to spend my life reading.

I remember how I would be filled with excitement on the days that my mom could come home early enough that we could go to Barnes and Nobles. I loved the place so much that I committed the closing hours to memory and Fridays, where I had one extra hour, were my favorite. And those days at the bookstore, I would excitedly rush up the escalator, picking numerous books before making my way back to my mom who wore an amused smile. Then we’d go down to the cafe in the store and as she went to get a drink, I’d sit and just read. The announcement that it was closing time would be made and I would anguish over which ones I wanted to buy, but at that moment, I truly felt happy.

As a current high school junior, the true concept of happiness feels foreign. I often mistake satisfaction or recognition as happiness, but as I had some time during this quarantine, I’ve been able to pick up a book and reorient myself with the feeling of happiness. Not for the sake of a grade or for college, but for pleasure. It’s allowed me to come to the conclusion that reading allows me to live my life for myself. Not for my parents or for college, but for myself. So with my life, I want to read.