What We Say and How We Say It Matter

I'm a huge believer in the power of language and I'm constantly on the lookout for language switches that will improve my communication or help create a stronger, more positive culture. So, after reading just a few pages of Mike Anderson's book, What We Say and How We Say it Matter, I knew I had struck gold! This book is not just one to read....it should be studied, digested, and practiced daily.

Chapter 1 - What We Say and How We Say it Matter

This is a book about aligning our philosophy and intentions with our language habits

It's not just word choice that matters, it's also tone. Get rid of snarky sarcasm & replace with a tone of kindness. Remember we're always modeling. Our word choice and tone will be emulated and copied by our students.

Chapter 2 - Show Respect for All Students

Careful of teasing - playful teasing can add rapport, but used at the wrong time, it can be damaging. And sarcasm is meant to hurt... so just don't. Drop labels and be aware of your unconcious biases and prejudices so that you can work against them. Watch out for reactions and responses that send biased messages. Respectful language is especially important with students who struggle.

Chapter 3 - Create a Culture of Collaboration

Reduce Judgmental & Comparative Language

Avoid Manipulative Praise

Chapter 4 - Develop Students' Positive Identity

Use students preferred names. Nicknames are fine, but if you have a playful nickname for some students, make sure you have one for ALL students. Be careful what you call a group. Have a look at the chart to the left. Many group names can send unintended negative messages.

Chapter 5 - Set Students Up for Success with Behavior

Hope is not a Classroom Mgt Strategy

Don't assume that students know what to do. When planning an activity, think about what could go wrong, what do students need to know how to do. Don't assume they'll know how to behave; make expectations clear in advance.

Focus on What to Do (Instead of What Not do Do)

By stating a what students should do, you are clearer about your expectations. This also shows that you assume students want to meet expectations, carrying a tone of respect.

Naming Negative Behaviors

Sometimes because we can anticipate student mistakes, we need to specifically name negative behaviors. In this case be proactive and positive. Use language that shows empathy and kindness.

Set Realistic Expectations

Sometimes we set high expectations, hoping students will meet us in the middle ground. When students don't meet expectations, but are within our desired behavior goal, we send the message that it's okay to ignore the expectation. Try setting reasonable expectations instead & follow through.

Use a Positive Tone

Careful of tone when you're feeling tired and frustrated. Even if you've explained something 10 years in a row, these students are new and your expectations are new to them.

Elicit Ideas from Students

Ask Students for ideas about what we should do.

ASk for ideas in the positive, "What should we do?"
Focus on class rules & ideals rather than teacher demands to avoid power struggles., "How might our calss rules help us have a respectful and productive brainstorming session."
Draw on students' past experiences for ideas. This will help them feel valued, "I bet many of you have used protractors in past years. What are some ideas you have for taking care of them so that they'll last all year?"

Be Direct and Clear

Don't ask questions when giving directions. Although it seems like it softens demands, taking on "Would everyone please..." or "Okay?" to sentences makes them seem unclear. Instead, be direct in a firm and friendly tone.

Avoid Pseudo Open-Ended Questions

If there is only one possible answer, then just say it. Pretending there are optional answers is just frustrating to students and wastes a lot of time.

Avoid Please and Thank You

Yes we should model politeness, but please and thank you make directions sound like requests that students can choose to follow or not. They should only be used if the direction is truly optional.

Just Say "No"

If you mean "no" the words "You probably shouldn't" create confusion. If the answer is no, just say it.

Chapter 6 - Support Students When They Struggle with Behavior

Balance Firmness with Kindness - kindness sets a tone of acceptance, positivity and love. Firmness sets limits so students feel safe.

Address Small Issues Before They Escalate - don't ignore behavior issues. Use reminders and redirections to help students get back on track quickly. Redirections should be short, clear, and non-negotiable. "Use the labe materials safely."

Address Issues Discreetly - one-on-one, not a public confrontation which can escalate into a power struggle as the student tries to save face. The only exception is when a student is mean to another student. We want kids to know that we heard it and don't accept the meanness.

Anticipate Developmental Changes: Remember that some behavior is simply developmental. Be patient!

Don't Overuse "Did You Make a Good Choice?": This isn't really a question (child is supposed to say "no." Implies intentionality, when it's might really just be a reaction. Instead try to help a child find a different way to react, "When someone bumps into you, what's a different way you could respond? One that is safe and kind?

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