Students in all grade levels will have age-appropriate lessons in the following areas:
Self- Awareness
Identifying Feelings
Identifying Traits
Social Awareness
Recognizing others feelings
Empathy
Disagreeing with others
Respect for other people’s feelings and belongings
Self- Management
Monitoring Stress and coping skills
Growth Mindset - Developing Grit
Showing Self Control
Goal Setting
Responsible Decision Making
Communicating
Appropriate behavior
Following rules
Safety
September: Building Connections & Confidence
Welcome to a new school year! Our 4th-grade counseling lessons have officially launched, and I am so impressed with the maturity and insight these students are already showing. We began our year by focusing on how we support one another and how students can take ownership of their well-being.
We kicked off our first session by defining the role of the School Counselor as a "Success Partner." We discussed how my role is to support students when "small problems" start to feel big. Whether a student is struggling with a difficult academic concept, navigating a friendship "pothole," or dealing with a personal worry, I am here to help them find a solution so they can get back to their primary job: being a student.
Empowering Students via Sycamore: A key part of our lesson was teaching students how to use Sycamore to advocate for themselves. Students learned how to:
Schedule a private check-in with me.
Share a concern about a friend who might be struggling.
Access resources for problem-solving.
This digital tool is a vital part of our school’s safety net, ensuring every student has a direct line of communication when they need a helping hand.
In 4th grade, we emphasize that a strong community is built on the unique strengths of its members. Students completed a "Unique Me" reflection where they identified a specific gift or talent they bring to our school.
We discussed how these gifts are God-given and that we have a responsibility to share them with others. When a student shares their gift—whether it’s the gift of humor, organization, athletic skill, or a listening ear—it does two things:
Builds Personal Confidence: Recognizing our own value helps us feel capable.
Strengthens Friendships: Healthy friendships are formed when we appreciate and rely on each other’s unique strengths.
You can help reinforce these "Success Habits" at home by using these three strategies:
Normalize Help-Seeking: Remind your child that "Smart people ask for help." If they are struggling with a task at home, ask: "Is this a problem you can solve on your own, or do we need to 'Sycamore' a solution together?"
The "Gifts" Conversation: At dinner, ask your child: "What is one gift you used today to help a classmate?" This keeps their focus on being a contributor to their community.
Discuss Self-Advocacy: Ask your child to show you where the counselor's link is on Sycamore. Knowing they have your blessing to use this tool can make them feel much more comfortable reaching out during the school day.
By working together, we can ensure that every 4th grader feels empowered to handle challenges with confidence and treat their classmates with the respect and support they deserve.
October
To celebrate FIRE (Foundation for Inclusive Religious Education) Week, our 4th-grade counseling lessons centered on the beauty of a diverse community. Using Justice Sonia Sotomayor’s vibrant book, Just Ask! Be Different, Be Brave, Be You, we explored how a school is like a garden: it is most beautiful when it is filled with many different types of plants, each growing in its own way.
This week was all about Inclusivity—the intentional effort to ensure that every student, regardless of their differences, feels valued, welcomed, and safe in our school.
Through our group discussions, we addressed a common social hurdle: the tendency to stare, judge, or spread rumors when we see a classmate who learns, moves, or speaks differently than we do.
Key takeaways from our classroom session:
Differences are Strengths: We discussed how some friends navigate the world with wheelchairs, some with inhalers, and others with "invisible" differences like ADHD or dyslexia.
The "Just Ask" Rule: We empowered students with the idea that if they are curious about a friend’s tool (like a hearing aid) or behavior, it is much kinder to "Just Ask" with a spirit of compassion than to make assumptions.
Courageous Kindness: We defined inclusivity as an active choice. It takes courage to be the first person to say "hello" to someone who seems different from you.
Parents play a vital role in helping children move from tolerance to true acceptance. Here are a few ways to reinforce these FIRE Week values:
1. Model "Respectful Curiosity" If you and your child encounter someone with a visible difference in public, and your child stares or asks a loud question, don't shush them out of embarrassment. Instead, use it as a teaching moment later: "You noticed that person used a service dog. They use that dog to help them stay safe. Isn't it amazing how many different ways people navigate the world?"
2. Practice the "Compassionate Question" Role-play how to ask questions without being intrusive. Help your child practice phrases like:
"I noticed you have a cool tool on your desk. Can you tell me how it helps you learn?"
"Sometimes you like to play alone; would it be okay if I sat near you, or do you prefer quiet time right now?"
3. Discuss "The Garden" Metaphor Remind your child of the book’s message: A garden with only one type of flower would be boring. Ask them: "Who is someone in your class who thinks differently than you do? How does their 'different' way of thinking help your whole class?"
4. Address the "Rumor Mill" 4th grade is a time when social rumors can begin. Reinforce that spreading stories about why someone acts a certain way is hurtful. Encourage the "FIRE" standard: "Is it Inclusive? Is it Respectful? Is it Kind?"
By encouraging our students to be "Courageous and Kind," we are teaching them that inclusivity isn't just a week of activities—it is a way of life. When we replace judgment with questions and rumors with friendship, we create a school where everyone can bloom.
November -December: You're in Charge!
Throughout November and December, our 4th-grade students have been hard at work completing the "I’m In Charge" workbook, a comprehensive safety program provided by the Assistance League of Kansas City.
The goal of this unit is not to cause anxiety, but rather to foster empowerment. We want students to feel confident, prepared, and "in charge" of their personal safety across a variety of environments—at home, at school, in public, and online.
The workbook serves as a guided roadmap for critical life skills. During our lessons, we explored:
Home & Neighborhood Safety: We discussed basic first aid, how to respond to emergencies (including calling for help for a sibling or parent), and the importance of knowing "safe adults" in the neighborhood.
Interpersonal Safety: Students learned the vital difference between "Safe Secrets" (like a surprise party) and "Unsafe Secrets" (anything that makes them feel uncomfortable or involves someone being hurt). We also reinforced "Stranger Danger" protocols in a modern context.
Public Awareness: We role-played how to stay safe in crowded places like theme parks, movie theaters, or playgrounds, including what to do if they become separated from their group.
Digital Citizenship: As 4th graders begin to navigate more of the internet, we discussed staying safe on social media, protecting personal information, and recognizing online "red flags."
Standing Up to Bullying: We practiced assertive strategies for responding to mean behaviors, whether the student is the target or a witness (the "Upstander" approach).
Fire or Tornado Safety: We discussed ways to protect yourself in case of a natural disaster, such as a fire or tornado, at home. We discussed drills and encouraged family conversation at home for "what to do" if there is inclement weather or they see or smell smoke in the home
Drugs, Alcohol, and Firearms: We briefly discuss safety in regards to medications or firearms. We discussed always speaking to a parent for medication and never touching a firearm unless a parent/guardian is present.
Soon, your child will bring home their completed "I’m In Charge" workbook. Because every family has different boundaries and rules, we encourage you to use this book as a conversation starter.
Here are a few ways to reinforce these skills at home:
1. Establish a "Family Password" Create a secret word known only to your family. If someone ever tells your child they were sent to pick them up, the child knows to ask for the password. If the person doesn't know it, the child knows exactly what to do (run and tell a trusted adult).
2. Practice the "Check-First" Rule Reinforce the habit of checking with a parent or guardian before going anywhere, changing plans, or getting into a car with anyone—even someone they know.
3. Discuss "The Body Rules" Use the workbook to review that your child is the "boss of their body." Reiterate that if anyone ever makes them feel uncomfortable, they have the right to say "No," get away, and tell a trusted adult immediately.
4. Review the "Digital Front Door" Ask your child to show you their favorite game or app. Use this time to check privacy settings together and remind them that the "Digital World" is a public space. Encourage them to come to you if they ever see something online that feels "weird" or scary.
5. Create an Emergency Plan Role-play a few "What If" scenarios:
"What if I get hurt while we are home alone?"
"What if we get separated at the mall?" Ensure they know their full address, your cell phone number, and how to dial 911.
By giving students the language to discuss safety and the tools to respond to emergencies, we are helping them build a foundation of resilience. When a child knows how to handle a situation, they feel less afraid and more capable.
As 4th graders grow more socially aware, their friendships often become more complex. This month, we moved beyond simple "be kind" messages to explore the deeper mechanics of making and maintaining healthy friendships.
In 4th grade, we often see an increase in Passive-Aggressive behaviors. Unlike a physical push on the playground, these behaviors are quiet and often harder to spot, but they can be deeply hurtful. In our group discussions, we identified common "social potholes":
The "Silent Treatment" (ignoring a friend when upset).
Body Language (eye-rolling or turning away).
Exclusion (intentionally leaving someone out of a group or conversation).
Gossip (sharing secrets or "venting" about a friend to others).
We discussed how these behaviors make friendships feel "unhealthy" and unstable. To combat this, I worked with the students to create a set of "Friendship Rules"—a bill of rights for how they should treat one another and what they should expect in return.
Through role-playing, students practiced the difference between Passive behaviors (staying quiet and letting resentment build) and Confident/Assertive behaviors (speaking up clearly and kindly).
A major takeaway for the students was learning when to use specific tools:
The Bridge (I-Messages): With friends, we use a "Bridge" to fix a problem. Instead of ignoring a friend, we are direct. "I felt hurt when you rolled your eyes at my idea. Can we talk about it?"
The Shield (Ignoring): With an unkind classmate or someone who is trying to get a reaction, we use "The Shield" (ignoring) to protect our peace.
Parents, you are your child’s primary "social coach." Here is how you can reinforce these 4th-grade friendship tools:
1. Ask about the "Friendship Rules" Your child has a copy of the rules we created in class. Ask them to show it to you and ask: "Which of these rules do you think is the hardest for 4th graders to follow right now?" This opens a door to talk about their specific friend group without it feeling like an interrogation.
2. Practice "The Bridge" (I-Messages) When your child is upset with a sibling or a friend, coach them through an I-Message. Help them move from "She’s so mean!" to:
"I feel _________ when you _________. I would like _________."
3. Address "Social Potholes" at Home If you notice your child rolling their eyes or using a sarcastic tone with you, call it out gently as a "friendship-damaging behavior." Say: "In our house, and with your friends, that eye-roll is a way of ignoring my feelings. Let's try saying what you're frustrated about instead."
4. Discuss "The Why" of Friendship Remind your child that they have ownership over their relationships. They do not have to be "best friends" with everyone, but they are expected to be respectful to all. Help them identify which friends make them feel "filled up" versus those who make them feel "drained."
By teaching students to be direct and assertive, we are giving them a "social toolkit" that will serve them well through middle school and beyond. Thank you for partnering with us to build a kind and courageous 4th-grade community!
January: When Friendships Hurt
This month, our 4th graders engaged in a powerful and sensitive lesson centered on the book My Secret Bully by Trudy Ludwig. While we often think of bullying as something done by an "enemy," this story explores the painful reality of Relational Aggression—bullying that happens within a friendship circle.
In 4th grade, social dynamics can shift quickly. Students learned that even if someone calls themselves your "friend," their behavior might actually be bullying. We discussed that a true friend should make you feel safe and valued, not small or embarrassed.
Key Concepts Explored:
The Mask of Friendship: We discussed how bullying can be "secret," involving subtle behaviors like whispering, backhanded compliments, or public humiliation disguised as "just a joke."
High Standards for Friendships: Students were encouraged to set high standards for how they allow others to treat them. We emphasized that forgiveness and empathy are important, but they do not mean you have to stay in a relationship where you are being mistreated.
When to Involve an Adult: We practiced identifying the point where conflict resolution ends and adult intervention begins. If the behavior is intentional, ongoing, and involves an imbalance of power, it is time to tell a trusted adult.
Bullying doesn't just leave physical marks; it impacts a child's internal well-being. We discussed the "symptoms" victims of bullying often feel, which students might not always have the words to explain:
Somatic Complaints: Frequent "anxious stomachs" or headaches, especially before school.
Avoidance: A sudden lack of interest in school, clubs, or social events they used to enjoy.
Emotional Shifts: Increased irritability, unexplained sadness, or "explosive" anger at home.
You are your child's safe harbor. Here is how you can reinforce these lessons at home:
1. Validate the "Ick" Factor If your child mentions a friend made a mean joke or ignored them, avoid saying "I’m sure they didn't mean it." Instead, ask: "How did that make your heart feel?" Validating their "gut feeling" helps them trust their own instincts about who is a safe friend.
2. Role-Play the "Exit Strategy" Help your child practice standing up for themselves with a firm, neutral voice.
"That sounded like a put-down, and I don't like it. Please don't say that again."
"If you continue to embarrass me, I’m going to go find someone else to play with."
3. Monitor "School Refusal" If your child suddenly resists going to school, dig deeper into the social "why." Use the language from our lesson: "Is there someone making you feel like your 'lid is flipped' or making your stomach feel anxious?"
4. Define the "Standard" Talk about your own friendships. Share why you value your friends (trust, kindness, support). Remind them: "A friend who makes you feel bad on purpose isn't acting like a friend right now."
By teaching students to recognize relational bullying, we are giving them the power to choose healthy environments. We want every 4th grader to know that they deserve respect, and that "staying quiet" is never a requirement for friendship.
In 3rd and 4th grade, many students are beginning to explore online gaming (like Roblox, Minecraft, or Fortnite) and educational platforms. Our lessons focus on giving them a "Digital Compass" to help them make safe choices when an adult isn't looking over their shoulder.
The "Private Information" Rule: Students learned that personal details like their full name, home address, school name, and even their "real-life" location are Private Information and should never be shared with someone they only know online.
Navigating Game Chat: Many games have open chat features. We discussed that "friends" in a game are different from "friends" in real life. We taught students how to identify Red Flags, such as people asking personal questions or using inappropriate language.
The "Uncomfortable" Feeling: We empowered students to trust their gut. If they see something "scary" or "weird" online, they aren't in trouble—they just need to "Minimize, Tell, and Talk."
Cyberbullying: We discussed how to be an "Upstander" online. This includes not responding to mean comments, blocking individuals who are unkind, and showing evidence to a trusted adult.
Parents, you are the most important "Moderator" in your child’s digital life. Here is how you can reinforce these NetSmartz lessons at home:
1. Create a "Digital Front Door" Policy Treat the internet like your front door. You wouldn't let a stranger walk into your living room and talk to your child; the internet is no different. Keep devices in shared family spaces (like the kitchen or living room) rather than bedrooms to allow for casual "shoulder-surfing" check-ins.
2. Practice the "Billboard Test" Ask your child: "If this message or photo was put on a giant billboard in front of our school for everyone to see, would you be okay with it?" This helps them understand the permanence of what they share online.
3. Set Up "Report and Block" Training Sit down with your child and have them show you how to block and report someone on their favorite game. Make it a scavenger hunt! Saying, "Show me how you'd block a mean player," gives them the muscle memory to do it when you aren't there.
4. Establish a "No-Trouble" Rule Oftentimes, children don't tell parents about scary online encounters because they fear their device will be taken away. Tell them: "If you see something that makes you feel weird or scared, you can always tell me. I won't be mad, and we will figure out how to handle it together."
By teaching these skills now, we are helping our students build the habits they will need as they move toward middle school and more independent internet use. Our goal is for them to be "NetSmart"—knowing that they have the power to stay safe and the support of the adults around them.