Dear Year 7 Student, 

I am writing this letter hoping that you could help me with a situation I have been going through. Some months ago, I had a fight with a friend of mine and it happened to spread us apart. However, I am trying to rebuild our friendship again, even though people told me it was not a good idea. 

This month I have tried various ways to gain his friendship again, but he still pushes me off and I respect how he feels, but I can't throw away all the experiences I had with him. I am afraid that if I let him go or wait for him to take his time, he would not be my friend anymore. Please help me!

Thank you,

Year 9 student

Dear Y9 student,

I understand the pain you're going through, as reaching out to your friend after a fight is harsh. Considering I’m here to help, I've provided some useful advice for you to check, in order to bring back your happy moments with your buddy. Overall, it seems like you're having problems in regaining your relationship with your friend. First of all, I consider that you should be patient, acknowledge the problem, find the words that your heart feels and express it politely to your friend.

Have you tried to relax yourself a bit and think about everything? As I read your letter, I believe your main issue here is that you can't figure out a way to express yourself better because of the insistence. If I were you, I would first understand what is happening right now. That is because, mainly due to the pressure we normally have in order to accomplish what we want, we can't process our thoughts and feelings well. Opening your heart can seem disconcerting, whether it’s because of fear, discomfort with vulnerability, or not knowing how to articulate all the emotions you are feeling. Having that in mind, when you try talking to your friend, relax and let your words flow smoothly. The most important thing to do is ease your mind, don't lock yourself and let it say. However, don’t give too much importance to your side! Consider what you did wrong too.

One thing you should also do is be patient and find the solution. When reading the next bits of your text, I could imagine that the time you're giving to your friend is lacking. Then, I think that is one of the reasons why he keeps pulling you off. Time and patience are key when two sides are affected, as strong and negative emotions will rise high. That is why you should wait for your friend to think about this too, as he is still cooling it down. If your friend still pushes you away, it means they are not ready to chat with you yet. You have no choice but to wait. The other advice I am giving you is find the solution. But how? Start by approaching them and asking to meet you personally. If you do this, it will not cause misunderstandings over the phone, like Whatsapp or through texts. Then, tell your friend how important they are to you and apologise for the things you did wrong back in the fight. Use the advice I gave you before: express your thoughts, desire and feelings without pressure, and articulate well what you're saying. Make sure you drop the ego while building your sentence.

Do not forget the suggestions I gave you while you`re facing the moment! Be calm (do not put pressure on your process), open your mind and express it all, with caution and offer them reconciliation (the solution). If this doesn’t work, you should be patient. You could try finding or searching for a new solution, then telling them after you feel it is time. Or you wait until he tries reaching you back. I do wish you and your friend the best and good luck!

Sincerely,

Y7 - Karina W. Kim