Dear year 7 student,

For the Stance Cultural Fair, one of the projects my class will be presenting is group work. I recently had a fever and lost a whole week of classes. I’m feeling way better now, however, when I came back the groups had already been chosen. Our teacher was nice at letting us pick who we would be working with. Since I wasn’t here, I was left with a group of only boys while all my friends were together. That's not what bothers me the most, what bothers me is the fact that they don't talk to me, meaning I don't get to work at all. 

At the end of all classes our teacher checks on how much each member worked. When it came to my turn, the boys started complaining to the teacher that I hadn’t done anything, but they didn't let me. My grade is getting lowered because it's the same thing every time. I have already tried to talk to the boys but I only got called lazy.

I don't know what to do now! Please help me!

Best regards,

Year 9 Student

Dear Y9 student,

Thank you for letting me know about your problem! So we can explore it completely, let's start talking about the main problem I perceived through the narration of the uncomfortable situation you are experiencing. I believe this all happened because you've missed a week of class and couldn’t choose your group for a school project, which made your grade drop, as your colleagues wouldn't let you help nor let you participate. As a ninth grader I'm sure it is already very hard to deal with all the pressure, not only because it is your last year in Stance, but also because it is your last year before high school. Further on, you have to work with colleagues who won't cooperate in a very delicate situation, which is also affecting your school performance. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you to deal with all of that and that is why I'm doing my best to help you out. I believe that, for now, the best thing you can do is befriend your classmates. You could try to talk about things you guys have in common, help in the assignment as much as you can without their presence, until you conquer one another's trust and this situation has some improvements. If that doesn't work, you should try to talk to your teacher in relation to the trouble you're going through and even try to run after some extra work.

Even though it is not up to you, the fact that this situation happened because you missed a week of class is very relevant to both the context of the problem and its solution. It is very common that students miss class, but if they do, they miss assignments and content as well. Because of that, it is usually a good idea to talk to your teachers while absent, do some work in advance, ask questions about what is happening in school, such as groups for collective work or simply talk to them in order to make them aware that you aren't in conditions of doing class work, because of your illness. According to an article from Purdue University, maintaining contact with your professors while not coming to class will give you more credibility and help you avoid conflicts that might follow because of missing class. Moreover, if you do follow this piece of advice, you will be conscious about what is going on and what you have to do, which can also help you posteriorly. If I were you I would always try to keep in contact with teachers when absent, so they are able to understand my situation, debate and negotiate possible solutions and assist you in the future.

If you managed to befriend your colleagues, be helpful in group work and important for the advancement of the work, they would feel more comfortable around you, they would help you, talk to you and you would be able to solve this type of problem with them. 

As mentioned by you, you are with a group of people you are not comfortable with, besides the people in your group won't let you do the work. If people don't let you cooperate, it is truly hard to help. Further on, when you talked to the people in your group, you had already not done the work for some time because they didn't advise on how to do it. You were then called lazy and the whole situation worsened. Theoretically, if you manage a certain amount of group tasks without their help, you aren't going to be considered “lazy” anymore and your partners will give you assignments, which would give you more credibility and increase your grades. And when talking about conquering people's trust, the sooner you do it, the better.

Don't forget that the friendlier the approach you have, the better. Trying to make them your friends, talking about things in common and showing yourself as useful might work. If that doesn't work either, you will have true reasons to talk to your teacher. If you, while experiencing this situation, feel like talking to a superior is really the only option left, talk to them about your discomfort, about how you tried to cooperate with them and how the entire conflict is affecting you. The most important thing is that you remember to do your best to improve your performance and don't forget you won't be doing this for your workmates, for their grade, neither for their happiness, but for your better performance, for your comfort and for your well-being. I hope this helps you out, if you need any other help or advice, I'm available and I'll help you with my best intentions.

Sincerely,

Y7 - Isabela K.