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Session 6: An Invitation to Self-Examination
PDF of Audio – Based on chapter three of Soul Feast, pp. 53-68.
Before describing self-examination and its related practice of confession, it is important to point out two basic truths, especially if we are to engage in these practices in a healthy and balanced way.
The first truth is the most basic affirmation of our faith yet we sometimes find it difficult to receive this truth: that truth is this: God loves you! (“If God is for us, who can be against us” Romans 8:31.) God’s passionate and personal love for each and every human being expresses who God is. This is a gift, a given. We cannot earn God’s love; it is unconditional. God’s fondest dream is that we will receive this love and respond to it.
The second truth is our human weakness and brokenness in relation to God. To use a biblical image, we are “off target”, like an arrow wrongly directed. Instead of being aimed toward God, we are aimed at something else, like a false impression of ourselves, compelled by illusions about who we are and what makes us important or happy. It is our human tendency to want control. Control can help us to function in the world. However, if we are not open and honest with ourselves, we move in the direction away from our best self and God. If we are not reflective, this state of misdirection can make us blind, placing ourselves at the center of things—and can lead to unhealthy actions, and a poor or incomplete self-image.
An important turning point in our spiritual life comes when we acknowledge both truths and admit that we can neither earn God’s love nor achieve our own security and perfection apart from God. Moreover, when we realize that grace (God’s favor toward us) lies at the center of life, we start to see in a new way. This is the beginning of personal and relational transformation, what scripture calls “repentance.” We begin to move in a new and different direction.
There are two-basic forms of self-examination that we will focus on here. The first, “examination of conscience,” is a practice that helps us to name and acknowledge our wrongdoings. It is not meant to make us dwell on our wrongdoings, but rather to be honest and humble before this truth.
The second, “examination of consciousness,” sharpens our awareness of both positive and negative aspects of our attitudes and behaviors, as it help us cultivate greater awareness and receptivity to God’s action in our lives.
Self-examination in the spiritual life is not an invitation to psychoanalysis, problem solving, self-lecturing, or ego-absorption. The whole point of self-examination is to become more God-centered by observing the moments when we are or are not.
So let’s start with Examination of Conscience. Historically, this practice was a way to prepare for the sacrament of the Eucharist, or Communion. Christians have done this throughout the ages. Many today use it as a preparation for the sacrament of reconciliation (or confession). It was meant to help us bring to conscious awareness the things we did (or did not do) that keep God at a distance.
Eastern Orthodox Christians have used the Beatitudes as an aid to confession, while Roman Catholics have typically used the Ten Commandments, and Protestants tended to use both. Always remembering the mercy and forgiveness of God, the idea is to be honest with our sins and bring these to God, resolving to do better.
We now move to the second, and broader form of self-examination, Examination of Consciousness. Examination of Consciousness is a process of becoming more aware of the contents of our consciousness so that we can become more attuned to God’s action and respond before God in an appropriate way. Its purpose is twofold: to notice where God’s grace has been present in our day and to see where we have not responded to that grace. The practice includes becoming aware of our sensory data (the places, people, events, sights, sounds, tastes, smells, and textures of life) as well as our mental and emotional data (such as our thoughts, questions, beliefs, commitments, observations, and feelings).
In doing so we can go to those deeper caverns of the self to see clearly where we have been led, when we have had a sense of God.
Behind the practice of self-examination lies a very basic assumption: we have made a choice to offer ourselves to God’s service, and we have an active desire to live in God’s presence. We are never separate from God’s grace. God’s grace is a great mystery. It helps us to overcome the many false and unhealthy perceptions we have of ourselves to bring us to a healthy self-awareness. Grace moves us in the direction of God’s purposes, and truthfulness, giving us greater compassion for ourselves and others. There is a short video reflection, entitled, “Grace Enough”, linked to the reflection part of this section. You can watch this as part of your prayer and meditation. For those who are reading along in Soul Feast, further invitations to explore on the topic of self-examination, are found on pp. 105-107.
In the context of self-examination and prayer, one spiritual practice that many Christians find helpful is the Examen, attributed to St. Ignatius of Loyola, the founder of the Jesuit Order. Some today call it a “check in.” It is a tool to help us cultivate gratitude and grow in the spiritual journey. It is a way of reviewing your day in the presence of God, and moving on with hope and new expectation.
The Examen
This spiritual practice begins with gratitude, moves to an examination of your day (whereby you become more aware of God’s presence in your life). The last step of the exercise is to commit yourself to stay focused in the day to come. Most people find the best time to do this practice is toward the end of the day, perhaps right before bedtime.
Step One—Preparation
To prepare, remind you of the unconditional acceptance and love that God has for you, others, and all the world. In a comfortable position, take a few very deep breathes, try to be still and allow your heart to sense the Presence of God.
Step Two—Gratitude
Begin, with a moment of gratitude, and try to be specific—think of something about the day that is just past, or about something in your life for which you are grateful, and say a word of thanks to God. We tend to dwell on our “problems” (and create drama) which can obscure our deeper, spiritual life and relationship with God. Starting with gratefulness helps us to gain new perspective, realign our attitude, and cultivate our awareness of the active involvement of God in our lives. God I am thankful for……
Steps Three and Four —Review Your Day Reflecting on both Life-Giving Moments and Life-Draining Moments
Next is to examine your day. Ask the Spirit to bring your heart to the moment of the day which was most life-giving. Allow your heart (not your head) to find this moment. When were you most able to both give and receive love today? Review what made that moment special and relive the quality of energy that was inside your heart. Breathe in gratitude and receive life again from that moment. This moment is God’s Light and it is God’s Light that God’s wants us to desire and experience. This request for God’s Light is most important in making the examination a genuine prayer.
Next, ask God to bring your heart to the moment today which was most life-draining, perhaps a moment where you were not your best self. We usually don’t want to go there. It’s purpose is not to dwell on the negative but rather to help us at our self-awareness. When were you least able to give and receive love today? What was said or done in that moment that made it so difficult? Be with that feeling without trying to change or fix the situation in any way, do not resist, it is ok. You may wish to take a deep breath and let God’s love fill your heart, just as you are at that moment.
Each moment of your day offers a window to where God has been in your day. With God’s grace we can notice where things like impatience and anger start and how they grow. Always remember, it is not about perfection, and the standard by which to judge what we have done will always remain Jesus’ insight of the two great commandments about love of God and love of neighbor.
If you persevere in doing this faithfully, day after day in God’s Light, it can reveal times when we are not our best selves as well as the graced moments when we felt most alive and present.
Step Five—Looking to Tomorrow
The last step is to chart a course for tomorrow, whether it be to continue the course you’re already on, or make some adjustments. If you find that things have gone well, you will have something to be especially grateful for when you begin your next examination. Ask God for the courage, enthusiasm and guidance to continue your journey of faith.
That ends our session. For a guided video presentation that walks you through this spiritual practice, see the You Tube video, “The Examen” with St. Bueno’s Spirituality Center.
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