Home Support

Supporting Your Elementary Age Children at Home

Parents - The following strategies are offered as tools for your "parenting toolkit". Many of these strategies are especially applicable during virtual school. Here is a Google Doc version of the list for easy printing. You can design your own Child Home Support Plan choosing the strategies that are most needed to support your children. You can also partner with your children to apply strategies from the Student Learning Skills document to help them be more self-directed with their learning behaviors at school.

Start this process by looking to add to the structures you already have in the lives of your children. Structures help them feel more in control knowing what is coming next. This increases their self-confidence and independence. Do note that there is a lot of overlap in the strategies listed below as they support a variety of learning opportunities for your children.


If you are looking for authors of parenting books, you might start by checking out the two who guided me in raising my now adult sons. They are Barbara Coloroso and John Rosemond. A third author who also fits with my parenting philosophy is Lea Waters whose book on strength-based parenting connects to various parenting philosophies. I ran a book club with parents together reading her book The Strength Switch. Here is the resource website that I used to support the book club.

Disclaimer: Please note that these authors connect to my parenting philosophy. It is up to you to search, read up on and decide which parenting gurus best match your belief system.

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The place to start is by providing routines for your children.

Routines:

  • An important end-of-the-week routine is to help your children organize their backpacks and folder system.

  • Build in daily routines while giving your children appropriate choices to increase their feeling of control and self-confidence. Here are some examples of choice options for younger students. Also build in family routines such as weekly meetings, family weekend outings, family chores, etc. (Learn more about the importance of taking breaks.)

  • Build in daily time for connections with friends.

  • Check-ins (i.e., “How is it going? Share with me what you are learning. What is your study plan?”) for daily reading routine and for older students in doing their homework.

  • Diet and sleep hygiene are very important to build routines around. Your children need to go to sleep at a set time each night while getting the recommended amount of sleep (including bedtime routines ideas) for their age. Diet is also very important for children to keep their blood glucose level steady throughout the day. Here is an article to support children with ADHD but it applies to all students.

  • Family meetings are important routines giving children a place to voice their ideas which helps grow their confidence. Family meetings also model planning and proactive behavior. A nice routine to follow is Rose, Rose, Thorn, Bud as a way to engage the character strength of gratitude while building a safe and open communication place for the sharing of concerns.

  • If your children are older and have homework, make sure to build in wellness breaks in their study schedules. Decide together how long to work before each break. Here is a listing of brain break activities that provides 5, 15 and 30 minute in length options. It is important to give your children choices for their breaks as in bike riding, going to the park, taking the dog for a walk, yoga/stretching, working on a constructive task like Legos, spending time on a jigsaw puzzle...

  • Set clear and consistent rules. Children need to know what behavior you won’t accept. Setting clear boundaries again helps children feel more in control when they understand expectations.

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Nutrition:

More and more research is focusing upon the importance of a healthy diet for physical, mental and overall wellness for our children. Findings show the value of healthy fats and protein while lessening simple carbohydrates to help our children keep their insulin levels at an even level during the day which enhances their ability to focus and learn. The impact of food additives is also coming under scrutiny in their effect on children. The first step for parents regarding nutrition for their children is to speak with your pediatrician for guidance as well as to seek out books and guidelines provided by experts in the field.

Here are a few web resources to get you started.

Emotion Coaching:

Independence:

  • Use the resources at Let Grow to give your children more opportunities to experience life while taking on responsibilities and growing their ability to make decisions on their own. Review a parent presentation on this topic.

  • Look to guide your children to try various hobbies, sports and other activities that offer them experiential learning opportunities to further grow their Character Strength of Grit.

  • Engaging in activities offers your children the opportunity to practice skills, build routines and take self-directed actions that help them learn and build healthy habits while also growing their agency and self-esteem.


Organization:

  • Design a daily study plan with your child's input.

  • Have your children explain their study and/or project plans.

    • This includes breaking the task into steps and having them predict how much time each task will take (for older students).

    • Ask them to rate how difficult they feel the task will be. The project plans can be non-academic chores (e.g., cleaning bedroom), personal creation efforts (e.g., painting, makerspace), etc.

    • Bring the term priority into your language asking your children which tasks need to happen first.

    • Use the Pomodoro Technique to set work time limits followed by breaks. Use either a physical or digital countdown tool.

    • Give your children the opportunity to make their thinking visible by having them draw pictures, design flowcharts and write down steps to help them process their thinking. Help them “paint the picture” of what completed tasks and/or projects will look like. Offer guidance in painting the picture.

    • Provide incentives to complete work independently (e.g., first complete three quality recordings on SeeSaw to then receive a break doing something of the child’s choice).

  • Help your children to break school and personal tasks into smaller tasks. Work with them to co-create checklists to tick off completed tasks. This supports their experiencing a sense of accomplishment.

  • Show your children the importance of organization in your own life.

    • Model how you make shopping lists, add events to your calendar and list tasks towards reaching a goal.

    • Think about having a printed paper family calendar that you update in weekly family meetings. Work with your children to check it during the week to discuss what steps they need to take to prepare for the events.

    • Use the language of “working backwards” as in “we want to have a clean house by this afternoon, what steps will we need to take?” or “the calendar says we are going to the beach Saturday. What do each of us need to do to prepare for the trip?”. Apply the same language for your children when working on home and school projects guiding them to think backwards in designing the needed steps to complete the project(s).

  • Start each work session by having your children use paper and pencil to draw up a study schedule that includes breaks. The estimating of time per task is too much to ask of younger students. However, they can benefit from parent prompts as in “how long do you think this will take?”.


Physical Environment and Resources:

  • As mentioned previously, provide either a physical or a digital screen countdown timer to visually remind your children of the time they allocate for each task.

  • No technology in the bedroom. No screen time after 7 PM.

  • Provide a quiet, distraction free and comfortable space for study & project creation space. Support your children in making their study space their own by giving them some choice in the materials and setup (i.e., desk chair, light fixture, study materials). If study time involves technology it must take place in a public area of the home where it can be supervised by adults. Guide your children to think about how they can be healthy using their workspace. Here is a slideshow filled with support strategies.

  • We all benefit from knowing when there will be a switch from one activity or setting to another. This is especially true for children. Look to prepare them using a countdown timer and with verbal and physical cues when the family and/or they individually need to switch tasks. Get their attention to explain what will happen next as you give a five minute countdown time with your fingers.


Self-Control:

  • A connection to stepping back is giving your children opportunities to make choices to increase their feeling of control and self-confidence. Here are some examples of choice options for younger students.

  • Catch your children demonstrating self-control. Positively reinforce through a description of the event (e.g., “I saw you walk away from your brother to take a break when it looked like you were becoming frustrated. You are learning to manage your feelings.”)

  • Build in daily self-reflection time for your children. This can take the form at dinner of having each family member share a positive and negative from the day. An additional strategy is reflective journaling giving your children time to process their thinking through writing.

  • Build in daily physical activity time aiming for 60 minutes or more when possible. Again, offer choices for your children to be very active, when possible. Here is a helpful list for indoor and an outdoor list of activities.

  • Give your children every opportunity to do things on their own. Help them grow their problem-solving and confidence levels by coaching them instead of stepping in and doing for them. Doing on their own also applies to having unstructured playtime.

  • Help grow your child's ability to focus through savoring. Savoring involves mindfulness and is a natural "hook" for practicing being attentive. Here are a few activities for savoring which also can engage the strength of gratitude: 1) Notice Nature - Guide your children to dial up their senses during nature walks. 2) Enjoy Physical Sensations - Hyperfocus on smells and touch giving your children opportunities to describe their experiences. 3) Remembering Happy Times (Reminiscent savoring) - Guide your children to visualize and reexperience past positive and rich memories. 4) Looking Ahead - Encourage your children to think about upcoming experiences that they are excited about. This also can involve practicing their strength of proactivity in planning for the experience.¹

  • Help your children to mentally rehearse (visualize) upcoming opportunities and tasks.

    • Work with your children to prepare for transitions from one activity to another.

    • Ask your children to think about what his/her choices might be for the event. Then have him/her come with possible outcomes for their choices.

    • Speak to the character strength of being proactive. Examples: “If you focus for the upcoming lesson by your karate teacher then you will know the directions and be able to complete the tasks. If you listen to your sister’s ideas you will be able to put a plan together.”

  • Model self-control strategies by explaining how you feel and how you handle the feeling(s). e.g. “I am feeling upset right now, so I need to take a break and take a walk right now or I am starting to feel upset, so I am going to go to our quiet place and take some deep breaths.”

  • Playing board and card games provides natural opportunities for children to control their impulses, to experience taking turns and deal with loss. Here are some game and activity lists:


Virtual School Learning and Wellness Support:

The strategies listed above apply to when students attend regular and virtual school. To go deeper in providing a healthy and supportive virtual learning experience take a look at the following articles from ADDtitude Magazine and other resources. Some of the articles target students with ADHD but in most cases are helpful for all students.

Your Parenting Toolkit:

Stay positive in your parenting as you coach your children. Continue to grow your parenting toolkit by following trusted authors who provide research supported strategies.

Here are a few resources to add to your toolkit>

  • Coaching Your Children: Parents are also coaches. To learn more about this role, please review the in-depth article provided by Positive Psychology.

  • Family Mission Statement: Here is a workshop on Developing a Family Mission Statement that your family can work together to create your mission statement.

  • Parenting in the Digital Age Resources: There are many online and book resources to dive into to add tools to your parenting toolkit on the topic of technology and media use in your family. Common Sense Media is a real leader in the field. Here is a helpful presentation and a folder filled with articles. You can also set aside time for your family to go through a workshop Parenting in the Digital Age. The Digital Wellness section of my Wellness@ES website has a section of online resources dedicated to family digital wellness.

  • Problem Behavior Support: Here is a step by step process to focus on how to help your child change problem behaviors.

  • Raising Independent Children: Use the resources at Let Grow to give your children more opportunities to experience life while taking on responsibilities and growing their ability to make decisions on their own. Review a parent presentation on this topic.

  • Strength-based Parenting: Dr Lea Waters with her strength-based approach to parenting that is based on Positive Psychology. Here is an interview with Dr. Waters and another helpful article. Her book is The Strength Switch. And here is a tip sheet for Strength-Based parenting. For an in-depth resources do view Dr. Water's video presentation on strength-based parenting.

  • Wellness Plans: Look to create individual family member plans and a whole family wellness plan.

Bibliography

100+ Positive Parenting Tips, Skills and Techniques from Positive Psychology

12 Examples of Positive Punishment & Negative Reinforcement from Positive Psychology

ADDitude Magazine

Harvard Center for The Developing Child

How To Use Positive Psychology To Build Your Child's Character

Natalie Rouse

National Center for Learning Disabilities- Executive Function 101

Nurture and Thrive Blog

Parenting Children with Positive Reinforcement from Positive Psychology

Positive Parenting Tips from the CDC

Understood

What is Positive Parenting? A Look at the Research and Benefits from Positive Psychology


Citations:

¹ The Strength Switch: How the New Science of Strength-Based Parenting Helps Your Child and Your Teen Flourish, by Lea Waters, Scribe Publications, 2018, pp. 141–143.