Cats and Chickens

Day 1

As at 0847 there are still three chickens, one cat has not moved from the study since last night, the other one, I forget her name popped in for a small meal and left. A black and white cat also popped in whilst I popped out, Monty is currently AWOL.

 I now remember the name, this is Smudge

2000 update.

I was dropped back home by my sister after a lovely day chez Ashtead. A visit to the vineyard and a good walk plus a lovely dinner left me in an easy going mood. Three cats could not have appeared any quicker, they obviously are too lazy to scavenge elsewhere. Jinx was looking for company but apart from letting her caress my laptop I was having none of it. Monty has come back for seconds. The chickens were already home to roost and there are no eggs to date.

Day 2    0715   I don't suppose the minestrone munchers are up yet but I am. These cats know which side their figurative slice of bread is buttered! They basically wait outside the door because they know that some kind person is going to feed them. Monty hides behind a bush but must have one eye on the door or one of the fluffy cats contacts him telepathically because he appears, sauntering up the garden. I enjoy a tease so I clean the bowls and reload them with a fishy thing in jelly which the cats like, whilst they watch from outside. Monty paws on the window and then they are in, once devoured they are gone.

I am having trouble getting the photographs the right way up, I will investigate!   No eggs yet.

   The enemy

Update  1400   I re-opened the canteen at this time as Smudge was queueing, then the enemy popped in for a couple of nibbles and finally Monty. Please can you remind me what it means when Monty scratches the carpet? Also it will prove that those living the 'dolce vita' are reading this. Jinx is just lazy and sleeps in the study all the time.

1800  The trio were all waiting by the door as I approached but Monty decided not to come in when he saw me, I am taking advice from a psychiatrist. At last an egg which I expect to have for breakfast

STOP PRESS  1830  Monty has returned, appointment with quack has been cancelled. he even nuzzled  my hand. Jinx is a tart, she has been on the table caressing my laptop and has actually walked over the keyboard. The namesake of the hero of El Alamein may not like the dish of the day but as they have eaten two whole packets they won't be getting anymore. Myself on the other hand is celebrating with a chilled bottle of OSH.

Day 3   0845    Just like hobos at a soup kitchen the three musketeers were hanging around the door. There was much climbing of the glass from Monty. The tart has been caressing the laptop again.  Chicken count is still 3. It rained during the night so my irrigation duties were a waste of time. Now I must fry the egg that the combined efforts of three hens have presented to me.

0936   I may have been a little stingy with the portions up until now or perhaps they are just greedy cats but they polished of two pouches of indeterminate fish this morning. I have now found what each pouch contains so I shall be trying some experiments!

1015  

E 'ora piove e ho caricato e avviato la lavatrice. Le crome dovranno essere sostituite. I gatti saranno nascosti sotto i cespugli da qualche parte. Forse stasera avrò una serata italiana.

  Monty spotted from the top floor this morning.

  Happy eaters at the trough this morning.

It has rained for 5 hours and only recently stopped, I am looking for the ironing board, any ideas?

1720 update  Jinx is too lazy to get out of the study, Monty is still hiding somewhere so Smudge has had the lion's (or should it be cat's) share of the food. As I write this Monty has presented himself and is eating the dregs. The herring and trout has been scoffed, Monty did his scratch so a bit of salmon and sardine has been laid out. I showed the pouch to Jinx which roused her. So they have all been fed which will give me the opportunity to herd them outside. The highlight of the afternoon was the visit of the meter reader. It was raining again, his tool said the reader was in the box outside but after checking several cupboards it was revealed to be behind the TV. This search has revealed the ironing board but I now need to find the iron, any ideas Tuscany tourists?

The rain is easing off so my plans for a Redhill crawl may still go ahead!

0041 Update I had some issues getting back from the club, I should have left when I wanted to at 2155 and taken the two buses required but PJU offered a lift which ended up with Peter Mattison dropping me off at Purley for the 2334. This was cancelled and became the 0014 so I wandered into Purley and bought some chips. As I walked back onto the platform at about 2356 the earlier cancelled train arrived so I embarked. I contemplated a taxi at Redhill but it wasn't raining much so I walked. Naturally there was a welcoming committee, all three cats wee circling, I thought I had kept them all out but one snuck in, so I let the other two in via the back door. They finished what was left of the fish and had a good go at the crunch. I had proactively blocked the catflap sp the tart could not assume her normal pose and I found that if I acted in an assertive manner they all ran out the back door. So now I can rest easy, except I will have to wake up several times to pass the 4.5 pints that I have consumed tonight!

BTW they were not damp!

Day 4

0837 When I rose from my difficult night I was greeted by an abscence of cats, how strange but they must have felt my presence as they appeared from nowhere. Saithe and salmon is on the menu this morning. Saithe is also known as coley or pollock, I used to pass through Pollock on the way to work. The pouch of s & s has now gone, so the enemy could only eat crunch. Am I being mean as yesterday they devoured three pouches, or is it the case that they are just greedy and should be on a diet. Still three chickens but no further eggs. Apres le deluge the weather is good and I may be guiding Nicola and Andrew on a short walk in Leigh which could take in lunch, I will avoid fish.

 Smudge refused to be photographed.

1725 Update  Having taking Nick and Andy on a guided walk of Leigh, enjoyed a lunch at the Plough and trespassed in Gatton Park I was ready for a rest. The cats were ready for a feed. They have shared three pouches today which is the instructions I have received. The sun is out, I may do my Redhill crawl this evening and I can look forward to an egg for breakfast as one of the chickens has done their duty!

Day 5

0840 Buongiorno ravioli ravers, I had a bath this morning, I think the cats were being a little stand-offish. The bath is so deep that I had to fill it quite a lot so I coild float to the surface and slide out. Having dressed I moved downstairs and to begin with no cats, I savoured the moment but then just like the Triffids they sidled up to the door. I had cleaned the bowls because they are changing from a piscatorian diet to a carniverous regime. This morning's delight is chicken which has been polished off. There is some rain in the air but this doesn't bother Monty who dissappears into the undergrowth.

The Redhill pub crawl became a mere step, I went to the Sun where you should expect something different and I had an acceptable pint of Titanic White Star, unfortunately the language of the locals, including women was unacceptable so I headed for the Abbott, standing outside and knowing that it was a Greene King pub just did not excite, so I ignored it. I should have gone to the Garland but I was shattered, the bus station was ten yards away and I had a packet of mini popadoms. I took the bus home and watched The Living Daylights, which I must have seen before but I remembered very little, I think our James Bond expert would agree that this is not one of the best.

Today I think I may take the bus to Merstham and checkout the Railway.

The chickens are on strike and there is now heavy rain, bella!

Pub News

The Railway Inn was not busy at 1230 when I arrived, in fact it was empty. The barmaid was having a smoke outside with a friend.  There were two hand pumps, Doom Bar and Abbott, you know what I think of the former so I had a very nice pint of Abbott (£3.60). I couldn't stand the excitement so I crossed the road to the Feathers. This pub has been done up. No more burning chairs. Chunky tables made out of 4 x 4 and those stools that require the skills of a mountaineer to sit on. There are 5 beer pumps with three available soon. I chose Fullers Summer Ale which was in good condition.  I can not see how this pub can support 5 beers.

1638 update  Another dose of chicken and still raining, I don't think Jinx likes chicken, more for me then.

2110 I have received a message from a cat

I don't know him but he's no friend of cats

He kicks me out before it's time for bats

His portions are poor and monotonous

He's never ever addressed me as puss

I sit outside the window and stare in

whilst he plays with his fancy blue screen thing

I've tried all of the usual cat tricks

But he is clever or thick as house bricks

I can't wait 'til the others come back here

I want to behave like a feline peer

Day 6   0838  It rained during the night but the cats have their hiding places so they arrive dry. I can see the enemy at the bottom of the garden. Still three chickens but no further eggs. I am off to Jude's to help with the roof.

Is the enemy pregnant or does he/she have a growth?

The enemy within

Update  2200   Having spent the day as a successful roofing contractor I returned back to Redhill and the cats were happy to see me. Having had their fill they just walked out. I have been advised not to let the enemy near the feeding station again, so no more Mr nice guy.

Day 7 0830 

If it's Tuesday it must be tuna and I will dine regally on an egg for breakfast. Monty was spotted running away and I turned my back for a second and had to eject the enemy, it's all happening this morning.

So today I need to start tidying up.

1700 Update  A FOURTH EGG!!!!! I had to use strong words with the enemy

  I think the sunflowers have had it.

Day 8 0900

The two fluffy cats were in evidence this morning. No sign of Monty so far, the enemy had to be ejected from the garden.

The blueberries in the fridge were plucked this morning.

I replaced the quavers twice but they did not survive.

I leave here at 1500

0930 Update  Monty spotted, walking up the garden as though he were stalking his breakfast, he reached the decking for a rest and then decided to disappear again.