I was recently reading some of Patrick Kearney’s thoughts on this subject and I highly recommend his work which can be found at .http://www.dharmasalon.net/Please also read the many more eminent thinkers who have a much better grip on the subject than I.
Many thinkers, writers and academics have and will continue to add to this great question. What I have cobbled together here is simply my evolving understanding on the question of self. Hopefully it encourages others to think on the question and if it helps your understanding then that is an added benefit. Don’t expect new or revolutionary thought in this article it is simply a regurgitation of my rambling thoughts on the subject. These thoughts have come from random readings, numerous conversations and reflection.
So what is my take on this question of self. I defer to Patrick Kearney and see the self in two parts - there is the physical self and then the concept we call self.
Firstly the physical self, this is the bit we see and touch, that loves and laughs, that feels physical pain, that grows old and eventually dissolves back into the chemical elements and atoms that were used to make and sustain each individual physical form.
This physical self is fairly simple to understand, its physical, tangible and contained within both space and time. He lived here during the 19xx . She was here yesterday. He is tall/short/fat/balding etc.
So lets tackle the difficult part of self, the not physical. If not physical then it must be conceptual or a collection of thoughts, ideas and memories held in my mind and in the mind of others. Here the problem starts.
From my experience memory is a very slippery character. Just ask any group of people who were physically present to any event to recall what happened. For each person asked you will get at least the same number of individual accounts and often after further investigation you will get variations on their initial stories. So what does this mean, to me it says that our memory is at best an approximation of what is happening to us or what is happening around us.
To me this variation can be explain by two effects and I expect both effects are continually at play. Firstly each individual was in a physically different position whilst the specific event unfolded. So if one person is closer or further away, viewing from the front, back or overhead or any other variation then its reasonable to expect differences in the stories. Secondly the perspective, views, mood, education, experience etc of the individual witnessing and then reporting the event will colour their recollection and meaning of the event. I contend that the way your specific self is constructed colours the details and emphasis that you recall. Just observe two different football supporters watching the same replay and listen to the different commentaries. Its no bloody wonder the poor old umpire comes in for some stick!
So we all perceive events in a different way.
In addition to this we exist in a dual world. That is we experience the world from the perspective of “me” the subject and we observe the “other” the objective. This gives us the perception of being separate and different from that which we observe.
But are we really different? Or are we just another component piece within a massive orchestra, playing our little heart out but if we disappeared or hit a wrong note would it really be noticed? .
Add to this combination of ‘different perspective’ and our experience in the ‘subjective/objective reality’ the fact that we have all built up a concept of ‘ourselves’ which is derived from our particular experiences that we have had since our memories have begun to function.
I know that all these effects provide me with a very strong feeling that I am a very distinct and unique individual.
But despite this very strong feeling and I exist and I am unique where is this self?
The best I can do is see that I will be remembered by others when I am dead, but this will be a very limited facsimile of what I understand as ’me’. This is because the perception I call ‘me’ can have only been created by the through the particular observations in both space and time and the specific experiences that I have been exposed too.
These specific experience not only happened in a particular space and at a particular time, these experiences happened in a specific order. Had the series of experiences played out in a different order I argue that the resultant perception of ‘me’ would be different.
Therefore as best I can see the complete me is only known by me and even that is a flaky facsimile!
I can see how the best and most accurate version of me is in my mind. However this model has at least two problems, firstly the model keeps evolving and changing from moment to moment so it is hardly a stable thing. And two when I die I strongly suspect that along with my body my mine and its collective memories die as well.
So it appears to me that there is no permanent, stable or accurate me anywhere. The closest version is what I carry in my mind and as I said it is at best unstable, variable and partial.
The sad part about this is that even thought I know I am just a temporary collection of moving things just like everyone else I strongly feel I am unique and permanent. As a result of the unique and permanent feeling I get all bitter and twisted about things that annoy me when I should know that these things that are annoying me are just things and are just as changeable and impermanent as me. Give it time and it will all change and go away!!
After all this I agree with the Buddhist philosophy that there is no self.
So why have I bothered to spend time on this question. Well, firstly the whole question intrigues me and secondly when contemplating writing about me for others to read and get a better understanding of me I quickly realised I could never construct a complete and accurate picture. This is because I don’t accept that there is a complete and accurate me, its at best a bit of moving jelly!!
So rather than create some character and say that is Terry Harvey I thought is useful to state up front that even I don’t know myself so if you think that reading this will help you I am sorry the best you will get a glimpse and that is very mobile.
That the best I can do.