Once I composed a very poor essay on COVID theme, supposedly an “argumentative one,” and never really expressed the idea, which kept troubling my mind essentially; but it was surely completely from a different angle, with which I deal now; while being affected by an idea I heard of in my inner spirit. In my case it is a search for task of my own self-realization without imposition of what I am not. Search for myself. Therefore how I found myself in search of and for my own origin? As to the what I am to say in questions of my spirit and how it coped with what would I entitle a “native realm,” of my own self, essentially my own and most real image; struggle of the spiritual innovation from and with the “outer,” as the latter will elicit.
Present demoralization[1] of human task in culture was inevitable in any case and in any matters and always brought upon the scene a new face, for “Things are changing.” (Viz my example of ‘what is a thesis’ below, and how it culminates its principles). What I mean by demoralization is a major — although still a minor problem for me, for it goes along hand in hand with evolution of spirit of human mind, as its essence brings the power of potential natural force out of spirit of Nature herself, and human “as the wandering hero,” as it did so to me, as to us all, to be almost “sharaltanistical,” lives on, and gives the proof of his craft, certain imprint as I did so myself, upon his canvas of my destiny while convincing others where & when the nature spoke to him for first & best times, about his epiphanies and struggles, easily successes, victories and even the lowest moment of his / my life. The hero is each of us, and the morals are in matters of generalization not-too wide at all, for after all, he sets our part of the page of the book of reading artist our imprint of our deeds, same as we are listing haphazardly in the those scripts given to us, the nature-spirit which offered this to us by our loves, and lives. As it happened to me, by capturing my ideas into a framework of writing. The habit of being.
I keep on mind the “Genealogy of Morals” of our own, while being observed by so-to-speak a ‘reason,’ now perchance by (?) the digital age, perhaps, as I do create myself also anyway, or other ‘forces,’ as particularly I have on mind in infliction of logic of the principles, which are never changing, but sustain in nature’s temple, therefore I was capturing them and therefore afterwards conceived in my mind, by categorization, perchance even calculating into new ones, and bringing a new development into the world, new idea, although the prime idea was not changed, only the form of our and my insight was and in constant… is, remains.
What I try to differ is what pondered me suddenly to see things as the impairing of an imposture of the “outer” upon myself, while me, being captured in “my lot,” being even truly blessed and grateful; I deal with on daily basis, and never fully re-learn my face of masque from my real self until I omit the inflicting of non-ego upon myself, as far as my substantial essence of my nature holds me tight. As to us all is being applied such a “fate.” Then, I never could suffice enough my task of culture, for if the nature-wandering spirit, which’s action is me-myself, then the fate I created, is loosen with its procrastination and I don’t fulfill my purpose as was paradoxically suited for me.
It makes a covenant between the master and slave, when slave utters: “It is a covenant between you, sicken I will & You will observe it as I will, as long as I please and it’s absolutely for my profit; until I express a phrase, “I do not care.”[2] -- The matter of demoralization of task of human culture then demonstrated itself that way upon me, my task of cultural fate of my life in sense of moment of hopelessness I reveal in moments of idleness which never comes to me; for being grateful is the most precious thing(s) I have, since I am never had a chance to be bored; having such a pleasure while I am so much a dedicated to in & to my life, more than happily. Which always proves them my habitual idea of a freshness of possibility of a chance of change and the advance development and omit the “just-latent.” …As that of the logic based upon thesis and antitheist of the inner and outer, and how far I let the outer surpass me myself. My struggle of matters of a distraction, essentially, is according to depersonalization of ideas. The struggle of the inner self, and the outer.
The re-awaken idea of depersonalization of ideas in general as present task of culture as a state of being exposed to thinking, re-estating, for constant change is at hand; same as the constant re-estating the past, for creating the future by the present, you seek yourself as in “constanta” in front of a mirror, where to which leads the essential idea of the “extreme dandyish,” figuring as the compensating the reality of nature of the incomprehensive unattainable, as nature commands while you as a person, deal with structure of your thoughts, which is under that constant pressure of the reality and not the “realm of yours,” as I mentioned.
When in front of you past seeing the face of nature and what you have done, you could observe that natural spirit of the inner what is then yours, but inevitably lost by “covering first principle”; by the task of human culture which was lost by aiming to higher and then, why justify my life as an imprint of what I do & how much I put into my writings, for instance, as far as a student and based upon “confrontation” with teaches, and how much I see I can actually also offer by my effort by a submission, an imprint of my task of thinking, by the new synthesis of thesis and antithesis, of my world and the outer, of the objective and subjective, as I proved upon my present and past life and my offers for the public in “no matter what” conditions – that was the struggle, the condition which differs the matter of “native realm,” and the “outer.” And not with dis-communication with the above understanding ‘in actual,’ for such a criticism is based the utmost importance in professional orders.
As my life stokes be so many times back and forth on the midway of my McFatum, and
how the nature of spirit of Nature brought me up; and raise me up to a higher level of undemanding of my inner self while coping with these times it brought up certain examples; detailed, it is the involuntary memory, needed to mention, perchance, the contradictory & how I was understood, where dwells also the result then of the spirit of conscious nature as thereby described in principles of reawakening wandering spirit of conglomeration of those two concepts; spirit of your inner nature, who you are, what you imprint upon the outer after all, and how far it reflect in question of logic of & for the subjective and objective. For, subjective and objective are the one sides of the same coin; two sides of one reality; phenomena of manifesting of yourself even though it’s Nature Herself. And each of us we were its own fate, as how they dealt with being dissociated by the “being at the moment,” as considerably unattainable effort is whatsoever.
[1] How is it demonstrated itself is the “decomposition of the “Task of Thinking,” as my explanation will elude. I. e.: “An attempt to be who I really am.” In an idea of and for a disposition to the “outer”; correlative.
[2] Paraphrase from Social Contract; J. J. Rousseau.