Accept reality
The problems in the world are overwhelming. I used to read several newspapers; it made me feel connected. No more; I just browse the headlines. Ubiquitous stupidity, denial and vicious adversity are too disappointing. I have the luxury of resignation. Doing nothing is the best I can do. Notwithstanding its limitations and inconveniences, being old can be intense and exciting. Awareness brings me peace. Anything beyond awareness is a distraction.
The older I become, the more content I am. Polls and interviews with old people say so and it is my personal experience. It seems paradoxical because I have more limitations and achieve less. The explanation is simple. As I have more limitations and less obligations, I have more time for reflection. Awareness of my finality makes me more aware and more accepting of everything. Big and small. Awareness of the world at large and of my personal world.
Reject myths
Capitalism; the myth that striving for individual profit is the best way to realize shared goals.
Tribalism, the myth that one's own tribe deserves to prevail. MAGA, Brexit, Gaza, Ukraine are current examples of tribal madness.
Religion; the myth that man-made concepts explain what is beyond our understanding
Original-ism the myth that laws devised in 1700 can govern society in 2000
Denial of global warming. Not acknowledging that our species is causing its own extinction.
Denial of history. Not acknowledging that, besides immigration and abundance of natural resources, genocide and slavery built America's wealth and dominance .
Accept irrelevance
I always wanted to be useful. Not famous or wealthy, but useful. In hindsight, all my initiatives led to nothing. l walked all these dead end roads with enthusiasm. Life is a dead end road. A rose, a dog, a child, a person, does not need to be useful to be valuable. We are not a means to an end.
Accept limitations
What to do when my capabilities are shrinking? How to make the best of what is left? Simple! Be aware! Nothing is more exciting than sitting still and being aware. Yet, I do not want to spend the rest of my days sitting on my butt and being aware. As long as I can function, I want to function. I do what I can; do the dishes, maintain the garden, be with people, learn something, write something. Accepting my limitations helps me to reach awareness. Simplicity and complexity meet in awareness.
Accept mystery
All explanations end in mystery. “Enlightenment” is an appropriate term for the progress of science. The stronger a light in the dark, the wider the rim with darkness.
We only 'understand' a sliver of reality between atoms and galaxies
Gravity is not attraction between masses but the curvature of space ? Huh?
How do cells 'know' when to replicate and when to differentiate?
Every cell in my body 'knows' more about my body than any doctor knows.
How does mind move matter? How does a thought lift my arm?
A few pounds of brain cells can reflect much of reality.and even create a new reality.
All organisms are pyramids of increasingly complex holons. What is the driving force of holons?
Accept decay
When I compare myself with ten years ago, I am disappointed. I cannot participate in a group discussion because I cannot hear. I am out of breath when I walk up a flight of stairs. So what? All disappointment pales in comparison with the moment that everything fails because I stop existing. That moment can not be far away. At 89, death is a more relevant point of reference than the past. Whatever happens today is more interesting than non-existence. Be aware of here and now.
Accept death
All creatures, from bacteria to humans, strive for self-preservation. The stronger the reflexes for self-preservation, the better the survival rate. But without death there cannot be evolution. Death is a condition for life. Ultimately, preservation of the individual is dysfunctional, toxic, unrealistic. Relentless self-preservation is detrimental to oneself and to others. Awareness allows us to overcome our primitive instinct for survival. Awareness of our finality allows us to acknowledge that endless self-preservation is silly and destructive.
In my twenties, I liked to play with danger. It made me feel free and invulnerable. Now, I avoid danger. Now, accepting my vulnerability sets me free. We tend to see freedom as the ability to do whatever we want to do. Ultimate freedom is to want not; not even self-preservation. Our finality is not threatening, On the contrary, it is liberating. Accepting death is the ultimate freedom. I had the good luck of getting some training in dying. In my forties, I had a series of serious ventricular fibrillation. Each time, as I was losing consciousness (in the shower, in the ambulance, in the emergency room, in intensive care), I thought I was dying. That wwas liberating. Suddenly, I had no obligations anymore. Later, my cardiologist told me he expected me to die. In December 2020 I had a similar experience. I was hooked up to various monitors in the emergency room with pain in my chest. When my heart rate dropped to 30 and my monitor started beeping, I thought, “Oh, well, that’s it. Nothing to be done”. Losing consciousness is like falling asleep.
Our attitude towards death tends to be somewhere between reluctance and acceptance. The older I get, the more I move to acceptance. Some people only accept death at the very end, when death is imminent. We should talk more about death. We should cultivate its acceptance. Accepting death makes every day easier and more pleasant. We deny ourselves an enriching perspective when we don't talk about death. The perspective of our finality lends intensity and gratitude to every moment we are alive.
Plan backwards
In the last stage of life, planning backwards is more realistic. What do I want to do when I have only one year to live? A month? A week? Once it comes down to a week, I will do nothing special. I will just be aware and grateful (assuming I am not consumed by pain). Awareness of my finality makes everything simple and provides freedom. When nothing can be done, nothing needs to be done. I can live in the moment and make that moment worthwhile, according to whatever criteria I want to apply. Awareness makes the ride from dust to dust exciting. Start at the end and make plans as circumstances and abilities allow. Acceptance of death is the fulfillment of life.
Euthanasia
This article calls euthanasia barbaric. I disagree. On the contrary. Postponing death as long as possible against one's will is barbaric.
Seeing life as a wave
I was writing this essay on my laptop in an airplane where Sylvie, my 12 year old granddaughter, was sitting beside me. She read what I wrote and asked if she could add something. She wrote::
“Death is death and it will happen at one point. Life is a party and parties always end. Sometimes the party ends too early. Think about death in this way. Let's say your life starts off as a wave. First it gets bigger, then it gets smaller until there is no wave left; just flat water. “
Latest edit January 2025