TIMEX Trix 30-Lap

TIMEX Tricks

by Gloria Merle Huffman

7/27/2006

1,404 words

Subject: Why do even jewelers not want to change my Timex Ironman watch battery?

Date 7/27/06

From: Me

To: Timex (custserv@timex.com)

When I bought my Timex Ironman 30-lap watch for US$30 a year ago in June of 2005, I assumed that I would be able to replace the battery myself. The battery number (CR 2016) is clearly indicated on the back of the watch. It is a common battery and is very easy to find.

However, after I bought a micro-sized Phillips-head screwdriver set so that I could open the back of the watch today, I found a metal brace against the battery and a transparent red sticker over it saying "Lift here" to remove the brace.

Of course, it was impossible to "Lift here."

So I went all the way back home to dig out my Timex instruction sheet, expecting to find a clear diagram with instructions on how to "Lift here."

But I fell asleep while reading your very long and boring instruction sheet, and dreamed that instead of learning how to "Lift here," I found a wordy paragraph on replacing the battery that said, in a very unprofessional tone, "Go buy a new $30 watch, you sucker! You ain't never gonna pry this brace off all by yourself! Your money is our money now! Not even a jeweler will attempt to remove this brace with his specialized watch repair tools, because we designed the whole thing to self-destruct at the mere touch of any tool against the white porcelain-like material holding the side clamps of the brace! Even if you insisted that the jeweler try to change your battery, you'd have to leave your watch at least one day (if not more) at the jeweler's, which of course you won't want to do (since no one wants to be without a watch for any length of time at all), so we can predict with fairly uncanny certainty that you will, instead, throw the watch in the trash and buy a new one from us, diverting your hard-earned money from the battery manufacturers (at the rate of about $4 for every 2-pack of batteries) to Timex ($30 up front: ill-gotten gains to us in the amount of 7 1/2 times what you'd have spent on a battery to keep this thing running another year ... are we smart or what!). This action on your part was foreseen by our watch designers, who expressly herded you in that direction with a come-on price and a checkmate battery brace that you'd never know about until long after you bought the watch. We locked in the new watch sale we'd get from that checkmate battery brace by using a one-year battery that would slightly outlive the warranty. Gotcha!"

Well, well, dear Timex!

What was I to do?

When I woke up, I recalled that nothing in the advertising or the store display warned me, the consumer, that this watch was going to turn out to be a throw-away item: a disposable watch.

Nothing on or about the watch itself characterized it as having a life that would only last as long as the first battery inside it.

And after I found the "Battery" section of the instructions, I realized that since I wasn't concerned about battery life when I first skimmed through the instruction sheet that came with it after I bought it, I hadn't understood that there was an absolute requirement (falsely cast as a "strong suggestion") that the battery be changed by a "retailer or jeweler." Since a "strong suggestion" didn't conjure up to naïve little me the concept of "strongman" tactics regarding my "Ironman" watch, I assumed that I'd have no trouble changing this battery myself, as I am somewhat mechanically inclined.

Furthermore, the instruction sheet is extremely lengthy and it was folded up inside the retail store display packaging of the watch, which means that no consumer is going to stand in the store and take 15 minutes or more to read all your fine print before purchasing the watch. Besides, if anyone did read the instructions in the store they wouldn't know which tiny paragraph to focus on in order to find out that battery-changing difficulties might lie ahead.

The battery number (CR 2016) on the back cover of the watch is quite common, as I said. This suggests ease of replacement, not a $30 fee to a jeweler (in addition to the $4 cost of the pack of two batteries, now outstripping the cost of a new watch) or losing the use of the watch for a number of days. The omission of that detail on the watch and in its advertising is significant.

Nothing warned me that the price of the watch was intentionally calculated to be less than the cost of having the battery replaced by a professional watch and jewelry expert!

Even if you, dear Timex, were willing to replace the battery for me at no cost, your website clearly says that I could be without my watch for several weeks! And that would be happening in a world that has been tied to the clock on a minute-by-minute basis since at least medieval times (after the plague forced people onto merchants' time to regiment vastly fewer people to make up for the loss of tens of millions of workers).

We are not talking about repairing a defective or broken watch. We are talking about changing a battery on an inexpensive watch, which should be the equivalent of changing a light bulb.

Therefore, (1) your marketing trick of omission (not warning the consumer up front that your product is intended to be a disposable item) and (2) your false characterization of battery-changing procedures (the requirement of professional jewelers' tools is called a "strong suggestion") constitute fraudulent advertising.

I demand the return of my money.

Sincerely,

G.H.

© 2006 Gloria Merle Huffman

#

(Next day ...)

Outwitting Timex:

(How to Remove the Battery Brace on a

30-Lap Timex Ironman Watch)

by Gloria Merle Huffman

7/28/2006

[https://sites.google.com/site/huffmanontopic/timex-trix]

1. Buy a set of a half dozen small Phillips head screwdrivers at a hardware store if you don't already own these handy tools. Use a 2.0 mm Phillips head screwdriver to remove the four screws on the back cover of the watch. Pry up the end of the thick rubber watchband forcefully with the tiny screwdriver so you can get one end of the watch's metal back cover free. Pull the free end to get the other end of the metal back cover out. Now you can see the large flat, round battery, half-hidden under a flat, circular silver brace.

2. There are two white tabs like handles on the little ceramic "cake pan" holding the battery, one on each side. One is for the hinge and the other is for the latch of the flat circular silver battery brace. (The brace has two "latches," one for the hinge and the other for the "door latch.") The white tab that does not stick out beyond its silver latch is where the latch opens like a door, and is the tab where you can, with patience and skill, "Lift here" to "unlock" the silver brace. The other white tab juts out farther past its silver latch and creates a hinge.

3. Using a 1.4 mm Phillips head screwdriver, press its point against the notch in the white tab holding the removable silver battery brace latch (on the white tab that does not stick out beyond its silver latch). Press toward the center of the watch face disc (toward the center of the circle).

4. THE TRICK: At the same time, slip the point of a strong medium-sized safety pin slightly inside the U-shaped bent latch that grasps the battery and pull that silver latch out (away from the center of the circle), up and over the white tab that juts out the least.

5. Lift the opened brace on its hinge like a trapdoor, remove the old battery and slip in the new battery. Press the brace back down till the latch catches securely.

6. IMPORTANT: Before you put the cover back on, press the Reset pad (inside a hole on the same side of the back of the watch as the removable latch; the hole has a small gold spring sticking up out of it) with the tip of the small screwdriver, to reset the watch functions. You must do a reset in order for the watch to work again after a battery change. Reinstall the back cover and put the little screws back in (be patient: you will get them back in). [4/8/2013 Online I see that the watch may not beep if the back cover is on upside down, so try turning the cover 180 degrees if there is power but the beeps don't work. Apparently, there is a small insulated area on the cover that must be positioned correctly.]

© 2006 Gloria Merle Huffman

#

You may freely copy and redistribute these "Outwitting Timex" instructions only if you copy them verbatim with the title, byline, URL, and copyright line, and with this notice included.

~*~

April 8, 2013 NOTE: I am still frugally enjoying and wearing this same watch, which I bought almost eight years ago on June 19, 2005, thanks to having figured out how to open TIMEX's tricky battery brace without special jeweler's tools.

July 7, 2013 6:00 pm EDT: The watch finally died. Changing the battery didn't revive it. It lasted 8 years and 18 days.

© 2006 Gloria Merle Huffman

#