Amish Go To India? ;)

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AMISH RESCUE DARKEST INDIA

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by Gloria Merle Huffman

7/31/2012

324 words

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NEWS FLASH - GMH Press, Stamford, Connecticut, USA. Tuesday, July 31, 2012.

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In the face of the world's largest electrical power black-out, a large contingency of 40 bearded Amish men is on its way from four sister towns in Pennsylvania (Lititz, Blue Ball, Intercourse, and Paradise) to the Darkest India ever, with 600 sets of tin can telephones (invented by 17th century Englishman Robert Hooke), 600 little plastic flower windmill spinners swiped from residential lawns in Orlando, Florida, and six bicycles.

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The bearded men will demonstrate to the East Indians that it is not necessary to own an electric razor, and they will donate the retro tin can telephones to selected women of any socioeconomic class who are going into cardiac arrest from insufficient telephone activity.

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The windmill spinners will be used to construct six prototype demo models of non-electric clothesdryers. Each dryer, intended for outdoor use only, will consist of 100 toy windmills affixed to a stable platform. A very long thin continuous-loop belt will be strung through 200 holes in the platform (up and over each windmill axle and back down) and around a separate large master gear wheel and on to the largest gear of one bicycle (which won't be needed any time soon for transportation, since nobody's going anywhere anyhow). The power source for the bicycle will be the right and left feet of a nonstarving human who will pedal the bicycle (the faster the better) as long as necessary to dry one critical item of clothing (preferably the underwear, if nothing else). Hot air works best, so India's Prime Minister of Energy (whose opinion is that the real problem is those states that are taking more than their fair share of energy from the government) will be asked to stand behind the windmills to give his speech in nonstop replays until all the nation's dirty underwear is aired out.

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(Retorted [sic] by Gloria Merle Huffman)

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© 2012 Gloria Merle Huffman